Just Friends?

[Bee35]

I have been separated for a year. I am not ready to 'date' again yet. Was married nearly 20 years. A friend suggested looking at dating website for fun. (I have not joined any). I was quite shocked to see how many people expect a sexual relationship quite early on, and make references to expecting this. I am not a prude but would not feel comfortable with that being expected of me before I even knew someone properly. Am I alone?

[meglet]

I've been on a couple and no noticed this at all. Are you sure you didn't happen upon a "specialist" one by mistake?!

[Bee35]

lol. I don't think so. However, I was viewing the forum, so maybe the only people that posted comments like that wanted to be seen!
It's been a long time for me!! This is all new. lol :)

[JonnyBoy12]

Well, speaking as a man I think I would expect a sexual relationship at some point, as most men expect it to become sexual at some point. I think a very reputable website is that of Dateline, which does not allow "those sort of adverts". Some years ago I subscribed to Dateline Magazine, and one of the ladies ran an advert which read "Sexless Marriage Possible?" and stated quite clearly that she was "not like all the other girls" and there would not be any hanky panky in that marriage, thank you very much. Alas, I do not know how many replies she got though.

[meglet]

I would recommend udate.com.

I'm guessing you're female right? So is this men that are stating in their profiles that they are looking for a sexual relationship, or is it that they have ticked the box that says they are looking for a sexual relationship? They may just mean partner.

[Bee35]

Thanks for replies. Yes I am female. As I did not register I was just browsing around the site & decided to look in the forum. To be fair there was a lot of focus on friendship there and other threads, but the other stuff seemed explicit. I am such a newbie. Perhaps I just looked in the wrong area. Thanks.

[SRH]

I totally agree Bee35 - a couple of years ago, when I was single, I had a look on the dating websites and, like you, was pretty shocked. Think a lot of people just trawl them for free easy sex.

One of my friends ran a Sex and the City style column for her local paper and went on a different date each week - and met some complete weirdos! On the other hand, another of my friends signed up to a site (Match.com) and proposed to the first woman he went on date with... just two months after they met (they were both in their 30s). Just a case of luck I guess...

As for sex, whether you meet someone through a website or in the pub, if someone's too pushy then don't feel under pressure. I'm pretty open-minded when it comes to sex and have, erm, been around the block a few times ;) but if I ever feel pressurised then it's over there and then!

(BTW I'm a woman in my mid-30s and finally in a 'normal' relationship ;) with a great fella I met in a kebab shop at 1am (how embarassing!)... gives me hope that dating and romance without hopping into bed on the first date still exists and that some men want more than just a quick fling)

[Bee35]

Thank you SRH. Am interested to hear the views and experiences of people newly single. It seems so easy when you are young. (I am still in 30's actually), but there is so much info and choices now. It is confusing. Will enjoy single life abit longer I think! lol Thanks all. x :)

[Velvetee]

From my experience, most dating sites are like knocking shops. The majority of dates I went on, the men claimed to be seeking genuine relationships, but the reality was they were only looking for a one night stand.

The problem is, it's so very easy to meet people via these sites, with little or no effort needed, so people can easily be dating 3 or 4 people at one time.

I've been in a serious relationship (not through a dating site), for over a year, but have on ocassion visited the sites to see if the same old faces are there and yes, most were still doing the rounds. It's a great place for both single and attached people to find sexual partners.

[SRH]

Aw, sorry to throw in the 'I'm attached and happy' crap! Always hated people doing that when I was single!

Guess, I just wanted to say that it can happen when you least expect it (in my case when I was soaking wet when waiting for a cab, with mascara panda eyes and not looking my best!).

Rather than looking at dating sites for making friends you might be better joining a club such as Zest UK where the emphasis is on making friends, rather than going on dates.

Before I met my fella I went on a singles walking holiday in the Lake District - totally different atmosphere from speed dating etc (although I did go on a couple of dates afterwards with fellas I met!)

[weeal]

Ive not had good experiences with any dating website, tried about 3 and gave them up sharpish! Full of loonies.

[Petal~flower]

I have been toying with the idea of going on a dating site, until I saw a chap refer to it one time as like "shopping"!!

That has put me off completely

[Bee35]

What a mixed bag of answers :) Thanks to all of you. Think I will tread very carefully whe time is right for me! x

[mccfluff]

a male 'friend' has often told me he trawls internet dating sites looking for possible one night stands, according to him he's quite successful!

[4getmenot]

You do what you want, I'm not old but I tend to find the longer you hold out the more someone respects you