Step mother want to get back in touch

[4GS]

I was brought up from 5 years old by my Dad and stepmother. This evil woman took great delight in physically and mentally abusing me, I won't go into details but it was enough for me to leave school early and join the Army. Anyway, I haven't spoken to her for 6 years at my Dads funeral where she treated me the same as she always did. A couple of days ago a friend told me that she wants to get back in touch and let bygones be bygones. I don't wish to offend her but how do I tell her that the only time I wish to see her is at her own cremation? TIA

[Mamjet]

I actually think this is a great opportunity for setting the record straight. Spell out to her exactly what she did to you, how unforgivable it was and that this is why you will never ever see her again.

Yes, it will undoubtedly 'offend her', but it should give you some form of closure.

[Hellyon]

Hear Hear Mamjet!

[shivvy]

She may have bullied you as a child 4GS but those times have passed and you are in the position to take control now.
I agree with mamjets suggestion of telling her exactly how you feel.
Be strong and good luck.

[4GS]

Thanks Manjet, Hellyon and shivvy

I was hoping someone would suggest that I write down on a piece of paper exactly how I feel then tie the letter on an arrow and fire it from a bow straight into her cold black heart.

[sense4all]

If she wants to contact you at this stage, you can bet your bottom dollar it's because she wants to salve her own stinking conscience - is she ill? I would tell her to jog on in no uncertain terms - don't waste another moment wondering about this. Love Sense.

[Lil O'lady]

I agree with the consensus here - foregt her, get on with your life and enjoy it. She then only exists in your memory, if you choose to remember.

[rabbitygirl]

I agree with you 4GS about the letter. During a personal crisis, which I thought I was dealing well with, I was advised by my doctor to put it all in a letter but not send it to the person causing me some angst.

I didn't do it. I will write it one day, and send it too, when I am in a position to finally close that door.

Write your letter, now, and send it too. Use Royal Mail tho because that arrow could get you into some serious trouble.

I am surprised you are giving it thought. I cant believe you have said 'I don't wish to offend her...'

[josie48]

Im in agreeance with IAP on this. My friend was abused as a kid by her s/father and her mother knew. She finally had her kids taken off her. My friend who was abused the most tried to forgive years later by meeting the pair. It lasted roughly 5 weeks,my friend had a breakdown as it brought it all back with a vengeance. She's 56 now and remembers everything her s.dad did. She says she'll dance on their graves when they pop off.

[josie48]

Senseforall. Thats exactly what my friends mother said! She wanted to be forgiven by God thats why she contacted my mate. To this day T cant look at tomato sauce,thats all they used to have to eat or drink and she had to bite her stepdads filthy toe nails as he was too lazy to cut them. How can abused kids forgive?

[flflflflflfl]

i echo what In a pickle said. just ignore her or meet her (in private) and give her a proper hard slap!!

[JonnyBoy12]

How does she know you have been given this message? I would ignore this, and just make out you know nothing of this attempted contact. My uncle (mother's brother) once went away for 3 years, and did not get into contact with us once in that time. Previously he lodged at Neasden, London, which may be a strange foreign country to some people, but England still has a good postal service. He kept saying after our numerous letters we sent he had not got them, which I did not beleive. The Royal Mail is not that bad in England. In my opinion people like that only get in touch when they want something for themselves, in this case when the Landlady threw out the stuff he had left there for 3 years without paying any rent, and when he wanted to stay with us.

So in conclusion I would either ignor her completely, or say to her face if you cannot avoid seeing her that you would have nothing to do with her. That is what I would do personally.

[musicman1956]

Tell your friend to get your late fathers wife to ring you. Go to any sports shop and buy an 'Acme Thunderer' whistle. When you are sure that the old bag is on the phone, whisper quietly anything you want so she presses the phone hard against her ear. Then blow the whistle as hard and as loud as your lungs will let you. When you run out of breath, put the phone down and have a cup of tea.