Kath My grandson

[kathyann]

My heart is aching to see my grandson,I have not seen him for 27 days now.Was use to seeing hime everyday after school,and he stayed at my home on a friday night.Now my daughter and I have fallen out,and she is using the most preciouse thing in my life to hurt me,and it tearing me apart,I cant stpp crying.Do I have any visitation rights..Please help.

[Ice.Maiden]

Sorry to hear about this, kathyann, but before you start talking about visiting rights - have you tried patching things up with your daughter? It's only a month. Some folk don't see their grandchildren for much longer than that, although I appreciate how you must miss seeing the little girl. Personally, I'd write to your daughter, explaining how sorry you are that things got out of hand, and say that you're missing both of them and hope to see them soon. x

[warpig3]

kathyann, I agree with ice.maiden completely. Please contact your daughter and try to patch things up as best you can (regardless of who is at fault) and avoid any 'legal' procedures at all costs as this will only alieniate you further from your daughter.

[Ice.Maiden]

Hi warpig hun. I was going to add that it doesn't matter who's at fault. Life's too short to fall out , especially when it's with someone that you love.
I remember pushing my parents to the limit when I was a teenager - and never once did they fall out with me, much as I probably deserved it. This was because they gave me unconditional love, and accepted that I was developing my own ideas in life. They didn't like some of my friends, but were careful not to criticise. Now that I have children of my own, I shall do my best to follow in the way that I was taught, and from what I observed. I'm so glad that my parents were sensible enough to handle situations sensitively, and hope this works for you as well Kathyann.

[kathyann]

Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my question.You see my daughter is not a teenager,she is a 34 year old woman.My love for her has been unconditional all her life.I lost my mother on Decenber 21 / 06 then on the 20/ December 07 i lost my 47 year old sister,and my grandson has kept me going, i knew I still had him everyday to look forward to.Now because she is getting so cold like her partner,she wont accept my calls at all,I really am at my witts end.

[ethanryan]

hi, i know how u feel, due to a family row my brother took my nephews away from me, they were 1 and 2 and it broke my heart, luckily things have now worked themselves out but it took 9 months.
good luck and stay strong hope it sorts it self out

[warpig3]

If she wont accept your calls then perhaps you should write her a letter as ice.maiden suggested.

the fact is that in a situation like this everyone suffers, your daughter, your grandson and you. I am sure she missed the help you give her with her son. If the fall out can not be mended is there a common ground you could both reach in order for you to still see him and her still to accept your help?

I would advise keeping the lines of communication open (even if she doesnt respond) as there will be a day when she will need you and this will allow you to be there for her and your grandson.

best of luck
warpig

[LoftyLottie]

Just a thought. You indicate that your daughter's partner is 'cold' and that she is getting just like him. Has your dislike of her partner been a problem between you? Is her partner perhaps encouraging her to remain distant. Is she stuck between the two of you. Perhaps she feels as wretched as you do about this. Please don't assume she is cold.

Without knowing the full picture, it is difficult to comment on what you should do. However, I would write a simple letter just saying you are sorry and that you will always be there for her and her family. Then give her a bit of time and try to find something else to occupy you. Perhaps you have relied on your grandson too much - it is so easy to do this.

I hope it turns out well for you. As I well know, family conflicts are just horrible and can tear all the parties apart.

[kathyann]

Thank yous all so much again for your kind words and good advice.
I wrote a card out to my grandson today,and took it straight down to his home befor he got in from school.I have not had any word as yet,but have put my address on to give him the oppertunity.My daughters partner has always been cold,no emotion and no kiss or hug when you go to see them,and my daughter has always been very tactile,like myself.I have never called or came between there relationship,but on many, many occasions,I have sat and listened to my daughter telling me how cold he really is.I will keep yous posted of any updates,and once again..Thank yous all xx

[Whoever]

It must be hard for you, but it's also possibly time to step back a little to let the atmosphere calm down. You say your daughter's partner is very "cold" and it's possible that there is some trouble between him and your daughter of which you may be unaware which is causing her extra stress, and giving her a conflict of divided loyalies. If this is the case, only time will help her sort it out. The best thing you can do in the meantime is try to build a broader life for yourself which includes other relationships. Does your local library have a list of organisations you could join to make new friends? is there a nearby charity shop which could do with an extra volunteer for a few hours a week. Write a letter to your daughter apologising for the rift and then try to concentrate on expanding your own life. Who knows? She may come round sooner than you think.