bereavement help

[BUNNY]

My best friend lost her mum to cancer last week.They were very close and I know this is going to be a really difficult time for her.I want to be able to help her as much as I can,but haven't much experience in dealing with grief.Does anyone know of any useful web sites or have any experience of how myself and our other friends can best help her through this?

[Clanad]

Try this to begin with...http://frpat.com/grief.htm

The most important thing, in my opinion, is not to avoid talking about what's happened.  This may seem simplistic, but in the grief setting, people often talk about many other things in an attempt to divert the grievers attention (and their own).  But, in reality, this isn't helpful to the ones most hurt by their loss because, above all they don't want the memory of the loved one to fade.  Therefore, it's important to talk about the deceased... remember even small things... funny things, that were a part of who they were.  Ask your friend to talk about her memories as a child of her mother, not incessantly, of course, just incouragingly.  Most of all, be a good listener...and just be there.

[gypsy]

why dont you both go to your local spiritualist church where the mediums are trained and used to dealing with the bereaved,,only when you are ready of course..you will find that christmas will  be difficult for your friend and she is lucky to have you for support...she will have good days and bad days so just try to keep the situation as light hearted as possible..it would be nice next year if you both got involved with a cancer charity maybe even doing a marathon or something usefull so she feels she is putting something back on her mothers behalf...also it would give her something to focus on..if she gets very depressed get her to ask her doctor if she can see a bereavement counsellor,,,i am sure with your kind support their will be a light at the end of the tunnell...gypsy

[arthurstace]

Unfounded mumbojumbo and charlatans falsely claiming to be in touch with the "other side" are hardly what a person needs having recently suffered a bereavement.

[Scullywoo]

I agree with Slothrop.  You will never understand what bereavement is like, especially when it's a parent, unless you've been through it yourself.  I lost my Dad and just recently my partner lost his Dad.  Everybody deals with grief differently.  The best quality to have is being able to listen and just show support.  Let her talk when she wants to talk and be alone when she wants to be alone.  Often people make the mistake of crowding people who are going through bereavement for fear of leaving them on their own.  However, sometimes, just sometimes, you need your own space, to think.

[becks]

I agree with clanad, although i've never experienced grief like this, two of my closest friends have lost one of their parents. Speaking to them the best thing you can do is to let them talk, be there to listen, don't skirt around the subject, don't ignore it or avoid them and don't feel bad about talking about your own parents. It's an awful awful thing to have to go through and it's made me look at myself and i really don't know how i would cope, but somehow you do. Just be what you're already being - a caring friend.

[Octavius]

When my dad died of cancer the only and best thing that my friends could do for me (and the only thing I really wanted or needed) was to know that when I felt like it that I could go see them or talk to them about anything at all.  And if in the course of this I burst out crying they just let me get on with it until I stopped (no cuddles /. over sympathising etc). 

 

There is really not much you can do as your friend needs to get through their grief in their own way.  All I can recommend is keep in touch with her/him and let them know they can call on you whenever they need to.  They will apprecaite that much more than any 'spiritual' or 'web-based' coaching and guidance.

 

 

[Gef]

Excellent answer from Scullywoo. I lost both of my parents in 1997, about six months apart. I really appreciated everyones concern but I decided when to talk about it.

[chris888]

I am goning through a bereavement.it is so hard to come to terms with the loss. it is so hard. I found comfort in my local christian church. There i found people who had been through the same thing as me.It has now been 5 months and ifeel much better now.I recieved counciling and healing.It shocked me when i found out these people are so caring and loving in such a cruel and calas world like this.st giles where i go there are people trained especially for this kind of thing. and father keith so kind ,understanding ihave now that the love of jesus is very real and ithank him for everything.I pray that this will comfort you,because i know what you are going through,GOD BLESS