i'm bored!

[cudgie]

I was hoping someone might have some useful suggestions to my problem.  I am disabled and unable to work, and my husband works 3 to 4 days a week, and I feel really bored with my life.  When my husband comes home, he's tired and wants to relax, but I've been on my own all day and want to have a conversation, so we end up arguing because of it.  Because we don't have a lot of money, we can't go on holiday much, which I really feel I need.  Since we've last been on holiday, a lot of tough things have happened, - we were involved in a car accident, I had to have an operation, our cat died, so I could do with a break.  I know I've mentioned a lot about going on a holiday, but what I would really like help with is how can I spend my time better?  what can I do while I'm on my own? - I know it's sounds very sad, but I don't have any friends other than my husband, because I went away to college, so all the friends I knew there all live miles away and we've lost contact and I haven't their phone numbers or anything so it's not as if I can go out with them, it's just me and my husband and as I said, he works and when he comes home he doesn't want to do anything.  Recently, I've been feeling like I can't be bothered to do much, there's not even a reason to get up in a morning, and because I'm on my own all day, no one sees me, so to be honest, some days I've not even brushed my hair until 10 minutes before my husbands due home in the evening.                                               I do hope someone can help me.

[bernardo]

Read a book.

Specifically, read a big long stodgy book which is difficult to read, so that it takes a long time.  In the last couple of years I have read things like

 

"Collected Works of Enver Hoxha* Volume 4, 1966 to 1975" (Toronto, 1983)

and

"On Preserving the Juche Character and National Character of the Revolution and Construction" by Kim Jong-Il. (Pyongyang, North Korea, 1997)

 

Worst of all (or best of all, depending on how you define boredom) is "Mein Kampf" by Adolf Hitler.  I found that "Mein Kampf" was badly written (to be precise, it was not "written" at all - it was dictated by Hitler to Rudolf Hess, who wrote it down - and thus reads like a long-winded speech rather than intellectual writing).  In order to take it in, I found that I had to read it out loud to myself, rather than going through the motions of scanning my eyes over it.  It was deadly boring but ultimately also fascinating as an insight into how Hitler thought about things.

 

[I'm going off on a tangent here] To be precise, it is clear from reading "Mein Kampf" that Hitler (in his own mind) genuinely believed, even as early as 1924, that it was necessary to kill all Jews in the world in order to save all human civilisation and life on Earth (and not just the supremacy of Aryan/Germanic civilisation).  In other words, he wasn't just exploiting existing prejudices for short-term gains.

 

* the communist dictator of Albania (1944 to 1985)

[Yinzer]

Depending on how disabled you are you may enjoy volunteering at maybe the museum or soup kitchen or maybe even the radio station. That way you may also be able to become friendly with other like-minded people.
Can you get out on your own at all or are you confined inside? Your library may have movies to rent free of charge (along with books and magazines) Ther are so many things you can learn from books.
How about food? There are some recipe sites on the internet (I like www.gourmet.com )If you can get to the store you could pick up a few not-so-expensive items and try experimenting! And depending on your local terrain you could always go out for a stroll/wheel.
My thing these days is photography. I can even find neat things to photograph right in our apartment.
My husband's pretty tired too, never wants to go out at all. Yours is too tired to talk? That's unfortunate, but if he is up for more chat than watching TV requires then reading will inspire all sorts of new conversations.
Hope things improve for you
cheers!

[gypsy]

why dont you foster a cat from your local animal rescue they will pay for the food..and it would be a bit of company for you with the ladies from the rescue coming to visit,,,also why dont you take up a hobby like art work..i dont know where you live but their is a shop in all the towns and citys where i live called the works and you can get a box of oil paints for under �5 in their..and they would last ages..when my husband comes home he is tired and just wants to relax..and he isnt the worlds greatest talker so i busy myself with things to do all day..i make a loaf every morning and by the time he is due home its risen enough to cook..and i make cakes and wine and also crochet blankets,,,the main thing is get up in a morning wash and do your hair and then plan your day of what productive things you can do after the housework is done,,if you have a charity shop near you get some old jumpers unravel the wool and knit or crochet blankets for your local dogs home...in the pet magazines they sometimes advertise for pen palls just a letter arriving will cheer you up..their are lots of things i could suggest,,but its down to you to make the move make next year better for yourself,,,best of luck,,gypsy

[Emma G 1650]

There are some good answers posted here and lots of ideas of things you could do.  I think you have got to keep your mind active, maybe you could buy one of these magazines that is full of competitions you can enter, this would keep your mind ticking over? good luck and hope you use some of these suggestions. x

[Romeo]

Join your local amateur drama group.  You'll meet people, you'll get involved in a project, you'll get absorbed in your part for the next production and soon forget about being bored.  Or go to a night class, learn a skill, get a qualification.  You might even meet a 'special person' ;-)

[j2buttonsw]

Learn to play a musical instrument: it is a never-ending journey. I suggest the trombone because there aren't many players about and it is inately funny.

[kaz35]

What about doing an Open University course of some sort? You can do this at home if it is difficult for you to get out. There are so many things to choose from these days, you never know, you could end up starting your own business, something like that??!! (Accountancy from home, for example???) Or, if you are able to get out and about, a night class, as suggested by Romeo.  Sounds like you've had a really hard time of it lately, you need to get back some self esteem and a sense of purpose.  What about doing some voluntary work, where you can really make a difference to someones life, like The Samaritans, for example? This will give you the opportunity to meet people, talk to others and, not only are you helping people, you're also getting a social life and company, which I feel seems to be the major thing for you - you appear to be very lonely, which is making your other problems seem 'bigger' and uncontrollable.I really think that you firstly need to try and get some sort of a routine going to your day, it's so easy to spiral downwards mentally when you feel that you've nothing to get up for. Try to push yourself to get up and do your hair / make up by a certain time, you'll feel much better for it - do it for YOU, you're worth it!! Make a few phonecalls, ring the changes!!! I  hope that these suggestions help and that you feel better about things very soon xx :)

[BUNNY]

Its so easy to find yourself stuck in a rut and its great that you've decided to motivate yourself and change things.Why not phone your old friends and meet up.I had to do this when my marriage ended.I felt a bit silly and to be honest slightly desperate when I decided to pick up the phone and renew old contacts and it was hard to make the calls.But everyone was delighted to meet up and I built up a great network of old and new friends.If this is a bit daunting or not practical in your case why not take up classes in a local college.It will get you out of the house and you will have external social interaction which seems to be what you are lacking.This will rebuild your confidence,fill up your day and give you some mental stimulation and very importantly mean that your not relying on your husband for interest and conversation.Once you gain even a little bit of self sufficiency and independance your relationship will vastly improve and I'm sure he will be very proud of you.

[Tinker]

Or maybe you could do some work for the Samaritans. They are ussually busier round this time of year, so if you could spare a few hours a week and a sympathetic ear then you could be exactly the sort of person they're looking for. good luck!

[cudgie]

Thank you to you all for your ideas on what I could do.  I like the idea of finding a support group as suggested by 'in a pickle' (great name by the way!) and also my husband and I have talked about getting a little dog (as suggested by Gypsy) which will be company for me and it will also give me something else to think about, and my husband is thinking of changing his job,  to work from home.  I'm going to start getting some magazines each week which have lots of puzzles and competitions , so you never know, I might win a trip round the world!!        Thank you again,

 I hope you have a nice christmas.

 

 

[Scarlett]

Loads of good ideas here. How about contacting social services/job centre and find out what jobs you could do, despite your disability? I am sure there must be loads! There are some jobs working from home, online, looking after websites and forums etc. Ebay and Amazon always need staff, I believe.

How about writing a book!? And doing some illustrations!? Even if you think you aren't up to it, there is a book in everyone! You could write a kids story and dedicate it to a child you know (friend/relative/child of friend etc) and do the pics yourself. This is not only therapeutic, but you may actually hit on a gold mine. Plus if it is funny you will make yourself laugh, which is all important!

Also, could you and your husband invite some friends and neighbours round for the evening? THat way you will be broadening your social circle, and those people will continue to visit you during the day, when they are free.

Also, there are lots of lastminute.com holidays around, very cheaply. Take a break. Insist that your husband has one! He sounds like he needs it...xxx

[Yinzer]

Good Luck Cudgie
and Happy Christmas to you too!

[Robinia]

You've had some great replies already so I won't repeat except to say that do try to give the support group idea a go.  As you can see nobody understands quite as well as those in a similar situation.

 

I must say that since my lovely sons bought me a computer & patiently taught me how to use it I've never been bored!  All the best. x

[ianess]

Sounds all too familiar..... as though you`re in a slow downward spiral towards clinical depression.........please seek professional help asap but try to stay off medication and/or alcohol.

It will probably take a long time but there is light at the end of the tunnel.........and no, it`s not an oncoming headlight!

Take care of yourself and please keep us posted.  Best wishes.

[KEJ2000]

Hi dearie, you need to bring some "life" into your home!  Some houseplants will cheer you up, especially flowering ones.  Bring as many of them into your home as possible; you will feel surrounded by life.  Next you need a cute little pet that you can nurture.  For example, a Siamese fighting fish (Betta) in a lovely sapphire blue color or cheery red.  A hamster is good because they are adorable and you can hold them in your hands.  They are warm and have such soft fur, and you can play with them every day and watch them run around.  I got mine for free from the local animal shelter.  They don't eat much so they don't cost much to keep!!!  A pretty, singing bird, like a canary, would probably be good too;  there is nothing more cheerful than that.

[KEJ2000]

It may cheer you up to be around babies or children.  You might want to baby-sit out of your home during the day.  You might think that baby-sitters are only needed during the evenings or weekends, but that is not true!!  There are stay-at-home mothers who still need to unload their kids during the daytime sometimes, to go do other things by themselves.  Also, many hospitals look for volunteers to come in and hold the babies (because babies need lots of physical contact in order to thrive).  It helps the babies but it helps the volunteers even more!!  Or you could become a leader of a Girl Scout troop.  You'd get to go on camping trips and toast marshmallows and tell ghost stories.