funeral etiquette

[tucker sno-c]

my father died a couple of days ago. in the absense of my partner, who is out of the country, I have asked my ex-husband to accompany me to the funeral. my sister is having an issue with this. there is to be service at the chapel first, for family members. she said he has to wait outside. he 'is allowed' to be at the main service at the crematorium. has she any right to say this?

[Robinia]

My sympathies for the loss your father. I suppose your sister no longer sees your ex as family but under the circumstances I think she's being a little harsh & I hope it doesn't cause a rift between you all. Times like these are difficult enough without family members falling out. My ex came to my mother's funeral & no one objected, least of all my sister, & I hope you can sort this out before the day.

[brenda]

If you are making the arrangements for the funeral of your Father, then what you say goes.If the presence of your ex does not present a problem for your present partner, and hopefully it doesn't you have enough to deal with.
Tell your sister to mind her own ,and just do what you feel would have the approval of your late father, and which helps you deal with this difficult time.
Remember some people just like to stir things up , especially when someone else is feeling vunerable.If this applies to your sister then stand firm.

My sympathy to you.
Brenda

[mizi]

You must be going through enough pain without your sister adding to it,if you want and need your ex there then just take him,your dad was once his father in law so why should'nt he attend.My ex came to both my parents funerals.

[beverleymot]

tell your sister to grow up! you dont get an invitation to a funeral- you go to pay your respects!!

[beverleymot]

i recently lost my grandad and although my parents have been split up 18 years my dad felt he should pay his respects to his ex father in law. although he couldn't actually make it to the funeral due to work committments it was nice to know that after all that time he still wanted to pay his respects.

Hope everyhting goes as well as it can for you.

[DrFilth]

first of all my sympathy for the loss of your father i have had this problem first with my father then mother then auntie. i have to agree with brenda if you are making the arrangements then it is up to you.believe me you will never satisfy everyone whatever you do.

[Ethel]

You have with you whoever you want. It would be a very sad state of affairs for anybody to refused entry to a Church, whatever the circumstances.

[tucker sno-c]

thanks

[tucker sno-c]

i have decided not to go. at the end of the day my dad and me are cool, we have said our goodbyes. this funeral is not his, it is purly for her benefit. she has managed the whole thing. thank you for your words of support.

[gina32]

why have you decided not to go? are you sure you wont regret this later on. my dad died a couple of weeks ago and i wasnt bothered who came to the funeral and who didnt, he was my dad and as long as i was there that was all that mattered, he knew i loved him and did what i could for him, the chapel could have been full to bursting and i wouldnt have known, i was there for him on his final journey,

[I.Don No]

please, please reconsider.

I know you say you have said your goodbyes but you may well live to regret not being there for your Dad's final journey.

And as for who comes and who doesn't...well that is really up to each person to chose for themselves. Funerals are really for the living to pay their respects.

I do not mean to sound frivolous at this sad time for you but as far as I am aware there are no bouncers at the chapel door so who comes to the funeral service is, as I mentioned before, a matter of personal preference for each individual.

Please reconsider. Whoever you need for support at this sad time is no-one else's concern, as you say your partner does not mind.

If you do go, wish your father a happy journey and never forget the happy times you shared together.

XXX

[Diane1954]

If you dont go will your sister in future years say "you didn't even come to Dads funeral"
If you, your partner and ex are happy go for it.
My Dad died in November.

[brenda]

The issue between you and your sister will remain long after thefuneral is over.Please reconsider for your own peace of mind and out of the love you have for your Father
and go.Take with you whoever you want regardless.
If at the end of the day you want to hate someone because of what has happened , please don't end up hating yourself for something you could have done.
Regards
Brenda..

[EngTeach]

Oh Tucker, You must go. I lost my mother last year and we too were more than cool, but I can't imagine not going. Tell your sis to suck it up and go with the ex. as long as your partner does not object, who cares??

My deepest symapthies at this time.