10 year old trouble going to bed

[lilacgirl]

I have a 10 year old who has always been taken to bed (by her over indulgent father). She can go to bed by herself but will always ask him to take her. He stays with her 'til she's asleep (or he is!). In a few months time she's off on a school trip and I'm worried she's going to pull out at the last minute worried about going to bed without him all week. Anyone got any suggestions of a timetable/routine we could follow over the next few weeks to gradually withdraw her need for dad?

[juleejules]

At 10 your daughter is not a baby and you should be able to explain to her (and her father) that she does not need him to stay with her until she is asleep. Why don't you invite one/some of her school friends to stay at your home for "sleep-overs" between now and the school trip? But I do think you should both say goodnight to her and shut the door!

[lilacgirl]

She does have friends to sleepover and she does stay at friends overnight, so we all know she CAN do it, but when Dad's home it's expected he'll take her to bed and stay. When he's not home and I take her to bed, I don't stay with her and she manages to fall asleep. I'm beginning to think HE's the problem not her!

Thanks for responding anyway.

[juleejules]

Hi Lilac I think you are probably right about it being her father!

[treborrobert]

THERE IS NO PROBLEM ? IF FATHER WORKS AWAY FROM HOME THEN THEY PROBLY MISS EACH OTHER AND SPEND LOTS OF TIME TOGETHER WHEN HE RETURNS ...BUT STAYING WITH HER TILL SHE FALL ASLEEP IS ABIT O.T.T...

just tell him let her grow up staying with her at bedtime its a bit inbarasing..if her friends find out..her dad stays with her till she goes to sleep ..get what i mean ......dont think he would like his little girl being called ...so he will probly stop it...

[lilacgirl]

Dad doesn't work away from home, he is home every night, but 2 nights a week he comes home later which is why I put her to bed on these nights. However, she will find any excuse to come back downstairs in the hope she manages to stay awake until he gets home. About the friends bit - I'm sure most of her friends do know her dad stays with her, no-one has teased her about it, but I suppose it's just a matter of time. Thanks for your input.

[smudge742]

Hi Lilacgirl.

My daughter, also 10, always has to sleep with an enormous bear! She says she can't sleep without it. However when she went on a school trip for 3 nights, we couldn't fit this bear in the bag (its bigger than my 14month old son!!!!) so I told her she'd have to leave it behind. She worried a bit during the week before she went away, but had NO problems sleeping at all! She was so tired after all the activities, and so excited about being with all her friends, she slept really well. If you or your husband aren't too concerned about the sleeping pattern, I wouldn't stress over it. She'll give up when she's ready. If you are concerned, then gradual withdrawal and rewards for falling asleep on her own, are all I could recommend. After a week of managing it herself, you could reward her with an outing, or something she really wants (nothing expensive as it can get out of hand then!) Things like that work with my 10yr old. It's amazing what a reward sticker can achieve!!!

[GEEMAC]

Aah, she loves her daddy, that's sweet. I wouldnt worry too much about her school trip as sleepovers are obviously not a problem and as smudge said, she'll be too tired and excited with her mates. It does sound like a habit that needs to be gently broken though without making a big deal of it. Does he read to her at night (or vica versa)? Maybe they could just read a chapter before lights out. Maybe dad has to go downstairs after a while as he has some work to do/needs to eat his dinner/make a phone call/watch something on tv. But he promises to pop up later to make sure she's ok. It does sound like a habit rather than a deep psychological need (if you'll excuse the amateur psychology). It's also possible of course that she might now feel a little too grown up to have dad stay with her until she (or he!) falls asleep but doesn't quite now how to broach the subject. Even though they act quite grown up, she is still only 10 and sometimes it's easy to forget, still a child . I've got a 10 year old daughter myself.
I wouldn't worry too much and it won't be long before you wondered what the problem was.

All the best

G.

[lilacgirl]

Thanks Smudge742 and GEEMAC for your comments. I'm not stressing about it, just think it will be a shame that she will miss out on a school trip that everyone seems to enjoy - and we'll miss out on the ���s we spent on it!

They have subsequently worked out a plan to follow which will gradually increase the number of nights she falls asleep without him. If we all stick to it, hopefully it will work.

Thanks again everyone!

[Ice.Maiden]

Lilacgirl - can I just add that I'm sure the trip'll go ahead without much of a hitch. It's a different situation, as your daughter'll have friends with her & it'll all be a great adventure. As for dad staying in her room untilshe falls asleep, at home - I think it's lovely (if your husband doesn't mind doing this?). It's just that bit of comfort for her, knowing that her dad's around. What's WRONG with loving & watching over your children? I'm sure your husband's as proud of the girl as she is to have a dad that's so caring! Why don't you join them, and perhaps all have a bedtime read together, before you and your husband say goodnight and leave together?