when is the right time to start a family?

[mikhaila]

i am 19 and my partner is 23 we have been together for 3 years and lived together for 2 years he is in the navy and i have no interests in a carear. last year we had a miscarage n it broke my heart but brought us so much closer together. now we talk about starting a family all the time and i would love to but im worried about what 'people' would say i know it shouldnt matter. please help! i just wont someone elses opinion. thanks

[EmEd1984]

think of it this way...there's plenty of people having kids that aren't in a stable loving relationship that don't give it a second thought. only you and your partner know when the time is right. ignore 'people', they judged me for getting engaged to my (now) husband at 18, 7 years ago. we've got a stronger relationship than anyone i know, but only we need to know that. don't feel you have to justify anything to anyone

x

[redcrx]

if you believe yourselves to be emotionally and financial capable of supporting a family then age does not matter. Once of the most wonderful mothers i know had her first child at 16. In a similar vein one of the worst mothers i k now had her in her 30s.

What you need to consider is the needs of a child and whether you are realistically able to provide for them. If your partner is away a lot could you cope with being at home with a baby alone? do you have support around you to help if needs be when hes away.

[mikhaila]

well currently we r on our own in portsmouth but in 2weeks time we r moving to the same scotish island as his family so the support would b there 4 us if needed. thanks for your reply x

[888sally888]

Go for it - you love eachother and I am sure you would make good parents.

Do what you both want and it doesnt matter what other people may say. Good luck Sal x

[ethanryan]

i fell pregnant with my first at 20. people said i was too young but me and my partner had been together 2 years and were happy. now 5 years later we have 2 children and are happy, we dont have a lot of money but my kids have everything they need, and a happy and loving home and thats all that matters

[mikhaila]

thank you every1 for taking time 2 answer

[meanie]

funnily enough, i met my partner when i was 16, had our daughter at 19 (unplanned), he was also 23 too.

please don't take into account what other people think, i've always said that they are not going to look after your child for you. so long as you are in a stable situation then good luck my dear. also it does help having support, i hope it all goes well for you.

[rabbitygirl]

I married at 18, Mr R was 23. We have been married for 35 years in September. A few people have said they didn't think we were stayers because I was so young.

However, I did not want children for a few years. We enjoyed being together, having nice holidays and setting up house and had our 1st son when I was almost 25, another two and a half years later.

In those days nearly everyone got married and waited a couple of years before having children, whatever age you were. Because I waited longer we had to endure plenty of very unsubtle questions along the lines of 'everything working ok with you 2?'

People, even those close to you, will often judge you or have an opinion.

It's what you two feel is right that matters.

[Sasha13]

Can I just add the other side of the argument?? 19 is very very young to have a baby. When I was 19 and at university, I went through a spell of wanting to have a child, desperately. I even worked out how I was going to afford it, as, like the previous people who answered, I know that financial stability is one of the most important factors. 3 months later the longing had gone and now, 10 years later, I'm so pleased I didn't. This is going to sound patronising, and I don't mean it to but you are going to grow up and change a lot over the next few years (so are the posters below who got engaged/had kids years ago and are 'still' happy - but they're only 25 odd). I am not saying that everyone who has children at your age is a bad parent - far from it. But THINK carefully. You say you have no interest in a career - that may change. I was with a guy for 5 years when I was your age but didn't marry him - thankfully. You have so much life to lead and if you have kids in another 10 years you'll still be young. Be selfish for a few years - and don't make the mistake of having kids because your partner is away all the time and you think that kids would fill a void.

If you do decide to go ahead, yes, people will talk. People will judge. But (and I really don't mean this nastily) that will be the least of your problems.

Lots of luck whatever you decide.

[mikhaila]

thanks for your comments i wont 2 hear both side thats y ive asked the question and not rushing into anything thanks for taking the time to respond it apreciated x