When adultery occurs, can it ever be the same again?

[sandrajo]

Trust is a relationship is so precious, but what if you've never actually needed to question someones trust, you were completely in love with them and would never have suspected an affair. My friends life has just been turned upside down by her partner, he has been having an affair for 3 years and she knew nothing of it.
She has come to me and asked my opinion as she feels she should give it another go. I believe if either partner in a relationship strays elsewhere you can never get the trust that was once there or it can never be completely replaced, although some people can manage to patch things back together it will never be like it was. She is very upset about the whole thing but do I tell her how I feel or do I go with what she wants me to tell her?

[McNoodle]

Tell her how you feel. I for one agree with you. She may not like it and choose to go in an opposite direction, buy you'll be a better friend by being honest.

[weeal]

I think theres a big difference between a casual fling and a 3-year affair- I wouldnt be able to trust them again if it was me.
Im sure you should tell her your thoughts, whether she follows your advice or not is up to her tho.
Sad innit.

[cruella]

I would not be passing comment unless she asked for an opinion. Dangerous getting involved in other marital affairs.
As for Adultery, I think it is a no no. End of story. The trust has gone, even although it was one time. Afraid I had it done to me years ago, ended the marriage as I would not have been able to trust my ex Husband again. I eventually met a wonderful man and trust him fully.
Some people cannot live their lives wondering if it is going to happen again.

[sandrajo]

Thanks.

It's so, so sad weeal...I can't believe none of us knew. Thank god she's no kids.

[unhappychick]

I think you should be honest with her and tell her what your really thinking...she will appreciate your honesty but tell her whatever she decides you will stand by her, that way, youve been honest even if your opinion differs to hers, and your saying that you will still be there whatever the outcome.

[raysparx1]

Hi sandra, it is very sad, but questions need answers, and I do believe it would be very hard to forgive if this happened, but your friend also has to ask herself, why did it happen? had she gone off of sex, had she let herself go, did he feel unloved, they need to talk and they need to be 100% honest with each other, the truth hurts sometimes, but truth is better than lies, if they are going to survive, they really do need to ask each other some serious questions and to respect each others answers, you must not just tell her what she wants to hear, what good is that? sit down with her and ask if she really wants your opinion, and if she does fine, but never encourage her to ditch him, that must be her decision, if indeed that is the path she chooses, I hope they can sort it out, but there will be a lot of tears on both sides before it is. wish her good luck, Ray xx