what do we do

[suse17]

hi a dear friend of mine has been married for 27 years and she suspects her hubby is playing away. The reason for this is he is being very devious with his mobile does not let it out of his sight he s always txing and he does this in front of her to make out that hes txing mates .She looked at his fone in the middle of the night and found some messages that were stored under a mans name one that she does know to be a friend and one that he goes out with on occasion.these messages were clearly from a woman to him and his replys were equally shocking to her saying things like i love you etc and be patient .she has taken these to mean either hes going to leave her or is it just to be patient until they meet up again there was also a photo on there him and the woman with messages like i just found another photo of mus i thought id deleted them all.she has rang the number and a woman answered and gave her name and the town she was in which is the place where he meets his mates on lads nights out .please please help me to help her what to do she feels she has to go about this her own way ang wants to get more evidence to confront him first does anybody knoew how we can do this any ideas i just dnt want her to feel abandoned by her friends i would like to help her just dont know how please help .Thanks in advance for any advice

[4getmenot]

Yes she does have to go about it her own way, so not what do WE do about it. She just needs to confront him, talk to him, sorry but non of it sounds good and really if she has to check his phone in first place she cant trust him much to start with so why is she still married to him. x Sorry lads nights out?? How old is this man?

[suse17]

hes 44 never had any worries before this is the first time that she knows of but she dnt feel like she knows him anymore 4 kids aswell

[richee]

im not surprise how my mate turned to be a lesbian after been cheated by men and seen so many men cheating, iresponsible, playing around, mess up their wife's, chidren's life.

[4getmenot]

44 and a lads night out!! He should grow up. Midlife crisis me thinks. I mean yer blokes go out and can have a drink etc, but where I come from its a mans night out

[bovysbabe]

I suspected my partner was having an affair when he started being devious with his mobile phone. He eventually admitted it to me, we split up and reunited a few months later. We now have a baby together. It's very hard. Once you have suspected your partner of cheating it never goes away. Your friend has to make a choice. If she really wants to know then she needs to confront him. Or would she rather live with checking his phone in the night and going through his pockets. Having been through it, i now would not wait for evidence, i would speak to him about what is happening and make him realise what it is that he has to lose. Failing that, the devious side of me, would confront the textee and find out how long it has been going on for.
I hope that this all works out for your friend. It is not a nice place to be and she will certainly need friends like you to get her through it.

[andrea81]

I feel for her, it must be a terrible time for her and she'll need a friend like you, my only advice to you is not to influence her of any decisions she will have to make as it is her that will have to live with it in the end!

[suse17]

shes now looking at maybe getting him followed and foto evidence i dont know how to advise her on this one please help anyone

[andrea81]

Why not just ask him? All this trouble to find out the truth could be spared!

[4getmenot]

Has she even asked him??

[suse17]

no shes scared i think to rock the boat maybe in the truth aswell i dont know i do know her kids mean the world to her and she s scared for them

[andrea81]

She needs to ask, at least if the marriage is over it can be on her terms not him just up and leaving!

[4getmenot]

so she thinks it might be better to say I;ve sent a detective after you ..... rather than can we talk.

[suse17]

i dont think that she knows what she wants hes going away next week for weekend with 30 other men for a stag weekend so i dnt know if she will confront him before or just let him go i do no i will be looking after her but dnt know what to say

[banjobabe]

Hey suse,

You just have to be there for her in whatever circumstances. When shes hurting, angry, jealous etc

Be supportive and try not to be judgemental no matter what decision she comes to.

If she wants an honest opinion from you give it to her. But it must be your honest opinion otherwise there is no point in giving and stress that it is only your opinion from your point of view.

She needs someone she can lean on and rely on right now.

Best of luck, she has a wonderful friend in you.

Bb xx

[burnhal]

Just a wee comment. In situations like this everyone goes into full anti bloke mode growling on about cheating etc. Whilst in no way condoning it I would just like to comment that the other half of the affair is normally a woman! So there are as many men as women cheating by my calculation