My friend is living on cloud cuckoo land, what should I say to her?

[Velvetee]

I have a friend, who is 39. She has never had a boyfriend and seems to have an abnormal and fantastical outlook on relationships. Conversations with her regarding men, sound the same as when we discussed them, at the age of 15.

She is very overweight and started training with a male personal trainer. It seems this trainer, behaves somewhat inappropriately with his clients, paying them compliments, holding their hands, hugging them etc.

Well, my friend has taken this attention from her trainer, as meaning she is special in some way to him and she recently asked him outright, if there was a possibility of them getting together. After an awkward silence, he told her he was already seeing someone. She has also become aware, that he behaves and says exactly the same things to a friend of her's, who he also trains.

I have tried to tell her, this guy obviously does this, as not only is he a bit of a t wat, but it's a formula which works for him, not only in helping to motivate his clients and instilling confidence (she lost 2 stones), but also ensuring these people come back for further sessions. It seems she is unable to accept what I am telling her and still believes there is no way someone would behave in this affectionate manner, if there was no meaning to it.

She seems very young mentally regarding men and very naive and I fear they will take advantage of her trusting, gullable nature. What should I say to this friend to get her to wise up? She is otherwise, intelligent and well educated.

[jno]

you've told her. Now it's up to her. You can't force her to see things your way. If she has fantasies about the opposite sex, well, who doesn't. (If someone helped me lose 2 stone I'd feel quite affectionate towards them, I suspect.) Has she got to 39 without being taken advantage of yet? Maybe she's a bit smarter than she seems. Anyway, you can't guard her night and day; she's an adult. You may need to prepare yourself to be there for her if things go wrong - but it may never happen!

[Velvetee]

No, she is still untouched by male hands. She was on the phone for 2 hours, crying about her fictional relationship with this guy. (Didn't even ask how I was). She can't get that most male personal trainers have their clients fawning over them. It comes with the territory.

[jno]

then I guess men have their reasons for NOT taking advantage of her? I can only guess her trainer's motives - but as you say, they seem to have worked, she's lost weight, which was the object of her exercise as well as his. Anyway, don't feel you have to dash people's dreams; they never appreciate it.

[Sasha13]

Buy her the book 'He's just not that into you' (I think it's called - Google it and you should find it).

It details loads of things that a guy should be doing if he likes you - phoning you, asking you out etc and loads of things he won't be doing i.e. seeing other people. May make her see things objectively.

[Gromit]

Maybe in the absence of anything real, this self deceptive fantasy is all that she has? And she probably knows that deep down.

Take Jno's advice and let her make her own mistakes.

[MiniN]

Velvetee, I sympathise with you. sounds like your friend can be a burden at times. It may be hard but its probably best if she makes her own mistakes and hopefully learns from them. thats how we all get to knowing when men/women are just using lines and not meaning it.

you can't really blame the personal trainer. some people are just naturally flirty or tactile people whether this is right or wrong to be doing in his profession. people can always say no if they are going to misconstrue his intentions.