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Trouble with sons girlfriends family
16 Answers
My son has been dating a girl for sometime and i recently learned that the girl isnt as innocent as i thought she was so i wrote a letter to the girls mother of which was a very nice letter just pointing out to her that i wanted my son and her daughter to cool things for a little while as it was affecting his studies at college and it is a vital time for him as he leaves very soon to go to uni my responce was a very nasty letter from her mother telling me her daughter was the best thing that could happen to my son and i should be gratefull he has met her. I was a bit shocked by her response so i telephoned her and told her i wasn't asking that they should stop seeing each other merely that its kept to a minimum whilst he finishes his studies as he only had 1 month to finish all his work she called me an f---ing bitch and put the phone down on me, my sons responce was it was my problem not his and didn't even say she was wrong to call me a f---ing bitch what reaction do you think my son should have had
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I'm not surpised your son wasn't impressed with you trying to interfere in his life to be honest.
I'm assuming your son is what about 17/118? No one of that age will appreciate their mum meddling in their social life, especially where boyfriends and girlfriends are concerned.
I'm willing to bet that if you sit back and let nature take it's course, the romance will naturally fizzle out anyway- as they do at that age.
As for the girls mum calling you that name, yes it was horrible, but you have to understand that you were more or less critising her daughter, enough to infuriate anyone really. Your son probably isn't happy you got called that name, but he's probably still too angry with you to agree with anything you say right now.
I'm assuming your son is what about 17/118? No one of that age will appreciate their mum meddling in their social life, especially where boyfriends and girlfriends are concerned.
I'm willing to bet that if you sit back and let nature take it's course, the romance will naturally fizzle out anyway- as they do at that age.
As for the girls mum calling you that name, yes it was horrible, but you have to understand that you were more or less critising her daughter, enough to infuriate anyone really. Your son probably isn't happy you got called that name, but he's probably still too angry with you to agree with anything you say right now.
Honestly?
I think your son should politely remind you that he an adult who will see whom he wishes, and that it really not your business to interfere.
You should then accept that he is perfectly right, you were bang out of order to interfere in the way you have, and that although that doesn;t justify the use of abuse in response, you effectively were told by your son's girlfriend to keep your nose out and stop judging her family, and again, that is advice you should take on board.
I think your son should politely remind you that he an adult who will see whom he wishes, and that it really not your business to interfere.
You should then accept that he is perfectly right, you were bang out of order to interfere in the way you have, and that although that doesn;t justify the use of abuse in response, you effectively were told by your son's girlfriend to keep your nose out and stop judging her family, and again, that is advice you should take on board.
I would have been mortified if my mother had done that to me when I was at collage!
I understand your concern but do you not think that at the age he must be it may be time to step back a bit let him make his own choices and even mistakes.
She shouldn't have called you the name she did but in her eyes you have more or less said that you don't think her daughter is good enough for your son. how would you feel if the situation was reversed, I'm sure you would be less than impressed.
I'm sure you son is not impressed with you being called that, but he is probably more thinking you shouldn't be getting involved in those parts of his life at his age.
I understand your concern but do you not think that at the age he must be it may be time to step back a bit let him make his own choices and even mistakes.
She shouldn't have called you the name she did but in her eyes you have more or less said that you don't think her daughter is good enough for your son. how would you feel if the situation was reversed, I'm sure you would be less than impressed.
I'm sure you son is not impressed with you being called that, but he is probably more thinking you shouldn't be getting involved in those parts of his life at his age.
Oh my lors he's old enough to deal with his own issues. If he fails any exams thats his problem. Did you ever think that by what you have done you have caused him more distress at an already bad point in life. The reaction of your son was right too, you bought it on yourself to right a letter so you should take the consequences. I dont agree on her caloing youi a b1tch as an adult but I can see why she'd be quite annoyed. Best to leave them to it, unfortunately as parents most will only see the good in their child and I can guarantee he isnt all swettness and light either.
OMG. My children would have disowned me if I had intervened in this way. Your son must be at least 16 if he is at college. Swearing at you is not nice, but I can understand how the girl's mother feels. The only person you should have spoken to is your son (and perhaps his girlfriend?).
In truth, I think your son has responded very gently to your intervention. I think mine would have shown a bit more anger.
In truth, I think your son has responded very gently to your intervention. I think mine would have shown a bit more anger.
If my mum had ever done anything like that, I would have been furious!
I was 17 when I got with my fella, and at college, and all that, and even if my mum had not of approved of him, she would never of even thought about doing what you have done!
Not only have you, like has been said pretty much insulted the women & her daughter, you have probably wrecked any chance that they may have had at a future!
What girlfriend would want to be involved with someone who has such an interfering mum? And if they were happy together, how is she ever going to feel comfortable around you again?
I'd say your son responded very mildly, and politely!
I sound harsh, but if your son is 18 yrs old, do not interfer in his love life, he is old enough to make his own decisions!
I was 17 when I got with my fella, and at college, and all that, and even if my mum had not of approved of him, she would never of even thought about doing what you have done!
Not only have you, like has been said pretty much insulted the women & her daughter, you have probably wrecked any chance that they may have had at a future!
What girlfriend would want to be involved with someone who has such an interfering mum? And if they were happy together, how is she ever going to feel comfortable around you again?
I'd say your son responded very mildly, and politely!
I sound harsh, but if your son is 18 yrs old, do not interfer in his love life, he is old enough to make his own decisions!
I can't begin to imagine how your poor son feels.To be fair you should have just lef tthings th way they were.You should never have wrote the letter to the girls mother.
Your son was right to say;it's your problam,not his.Never get involved.I know he's your son,i have one too,but now the will just go and do the opposite.
Why did you write the mother a letter?who cares if the girls not as squeeky clean as you may have thought she was,but your not going out with her.You obviously got her mothers back up...which is perfectly understandable.You wrote her a letter telling her about her daughter.Did you expect her to be on your side?
You insulted her daughter!
Try next time to think first.Don't get involved;they'll only do the opposite.
Also if you keep butting in you'll be the one who is hated.Leave them alone.Your son will think he's got an interfering mother who he can't trust.
Your son was right to say;it's your problam,not his.Never get involved.I know he's your son,i have one too,but now the will just go and do the opposite.
Why did you write the mother a letter?who cares if the girls not as squeeky clean as you may have thought she was,but your not going out with her.You obviously got her mothers back up...which is perfectly understandable.You wrote her a letter telling her about her daughter.Did you expect her to be on your side?
You insulted her daughter!
Try next time to think first.Don't get involved;they'll only do the opposite.
Also if you keep butting in you'll be the one who is hated.Leave them alone.Your son will think he's got an interfering mother who he can't trust.
I think where you went wrong Sharon, is in writing the letter. Your son's now showing indifference to what's happened, because by criticising his choice of partner, he sees it as you're criticising HIM - in that his own choice isn't good enough. Let him breathe on his own. The more you interfere, the more he'll back away from you. Your best bet'd be to invite this girl round, and show some pleasantry towards her. Maybe if you got to know her properly, you'd see why your son likes her so much, but the chances are, that you're actually driving him into her arms. Start again, on a non-judgemental basis.
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