My temper has lost me my wife

[slimjim69]

My relationship with my wife is in wrecks because of my temper. I dont lash out at her and I have never hit her but I break things.
We have recently had a rough ride and my latest outburst has pushed her over the edge.
I am generally a mild person and let things go over my head ( or so i think), maybe i bottle things up.
My mum has told me in the past about things my dad used to do, I have always said i wouldnt turn out like him and i hate to say it, but i am.
I have recently been turning to the bottle when things are rough just like he did, he is now a full blown alcoholic and if i dont change now i am scared i will go the same way.
This is the second relationship i have ruined. I know it might be to late to sort out my marriage but i need to do this for the future and to be a good role model for my two boys from my first relationship.
Can anyone give me any advice on what to do or who to see.
Thanks for listening.

[Postdog]

Just an idea, your wife obviously saw something in you that she likes when you are not that way, so suggest to her that you want to change and as she is the one it affects most (besides you) she should have a big part in helping you do that, that and that her being there can play a big part in making it happen. Then the two of you see a doctor, counsellor or someone, maybe check out anger management courses.

I saw something on Jeremy kyle the other week (no, I don't watch it, I was just flicking channels) where they had a before and after report. In the before, this bloke was a real obnoxious pig, but in the after, having been on a course, he was a changed man and (seemingly) looked nice enough to know and care about.

[unhappychick]

Its horrible how history repeats itself, by writing this post, to me, you are admitting you have a problem, which is a positive start, If I were you I would go to the doctors, they will put you on an anger management course or something else, its not something to be ashamed of, its a very positive step. Please dont smash things etc, my ex used to do all that and ended up hitting me and allsorts, through jealousy, and I hadnt even done anything, it was all imagined in his head. Its not a route you want to go down...you will lose everything, including your partner, your home, your self respect and self worth. Like I said earlier, you have made the 1st step by admitting there is a problem, you just need to do something about it, ie, doctors, counselling and anger management! Hope this of some help to you and good luck!

[slimjim69]

I have asked my wife if she will go to the doctors with me because i think she will be able to explain things that i do better than i can, i can hardly remember what happened which is horrible. she said she wont go because i have to do it for myself and not for her.
whichever way, i will be doing this but i would like my wife to be there.
i am still living at our home, in the spare room, untill i finish college and get a job. in the ideal world i would be a changed man (with the right help) and still have my wife but i think ive pushed her too far.
Thanks for your comments.

[Postdog]

Show her this if you have to - the point I was trying to make is not that you were doing it for her, you have realised and want to do it for yourself so you don't lose her.

If she can agree, I don't think either of you will look back.

[unhappychick]

Ok, from a females point of view, I know why she is doing this...cos she probably feels that by her doing the talking, your not opening up, and you need to open up to get to the bottom of your problems and get to the next phase, I think she will support you, but wants to see you do it for yourself!

[unhappychick]

Sorry forgot to add! Also, you have explained things pretty well on here, just be brave and swallow your pride and go see the doc, it'll do you good...trust me!

[Velvetee]

Ask your GP to refer you for anger management.

[terambulan]

How do u have two wives, 2 boys and still be at college?

Time you earned some money for all your dependants!

Interested in ur reason for still being in college?

[cazzz1975]

I think unhappychick is right, by letting your wife explin for you, you are not dealing properly with your issues, only you know what thoughts go through your head, only you can stop drinking, only you can make the changes.

by seeking your own help and working out your own problems may be the thing that will prove to your wife that you are willing to stand up and be counted.

[Ice.Maiden]

Some sensible advice here Jim. Show your wife these replies, and then do something positive, like getting onto an anger management course, which your doctor can probably help you with. If you prove to your wife that you're serious about changing, then maybe there's hope for you yet.
Only you knows what riles you, so everytime you feel a wobbler coming on, take deep breaths and go outside for a few minutes to calm down. Then try and tell yourself that whatever it is isn't really so bad. You have children to consider, so show your wife that for their sakes at least, you can act responsibly. best of luck.

[whiskygalore]

Hello, I have previously participated in AM workshops and would concur with recommends that you consider a workshop or course. If you sign up privately, these are quite expensive, so do try and get a referral from your GP.
There are quite a few online resources for AM as well, maybe start here for an idea of courses: http://www.angermanage.co.uk/index.html

[Sir Alec]

Alcoholism is genetic, it's probably not your fault. I know that men find it difficult to ask doctors for help, but as has already been suggested, they will be able to suggest an anger management group/course. Admitting that you have a problem is one of the hardest things, so you've already taken the biggest steps. Good Luck!

[shiznit]

Sir Alec, Alcoholism is NOT genetic!

[Ice.Maiden]

I agree.
Still a big problem though. x

[shiznit]

Yeah a huge problem, and no one seems to be doing anything about educating people on it.

If someone has or thinks they have a problem with alcohol then I suggest they contact their local Alcoholics Anonymous. There is also Al Anon for their spouses or partners.

[slimjim69]

Thanks for all your comments.
Terambulan, sorry i didnt explain the college thing that well. When me and my wife got together we decided to try to better our selves by supporting each other through college to get the qualifications we wanted, my wife studied 2 yrs to become a medical secretary whilst I worked and ive studied 1 yr as a welder/fabricator with the hope that i can find an employer to put me through an apprenticeship to become fully qualified. I have worked since school (1996) until september with only 4 weeks of unemployment due to redundancy. I have been in the welding industry for approx 3 yrs but only getting the menial jobs due to lack of qualifications.
The comments about alcoholism being genetic, ive never really looked into it and i dont know if that has been proven, but my Grandad was a alcoholic and my Dad is and I would also put my cards on the table and say my uncle is (dads brother) so i would edge towards the theory of it possibly being genetic.