Food & Drink2 mins ago
please help!
my partner has a child from a previous relationship who comes to stay with us regularly. my problem is, at 20, i have no experience with children and feel caught it a trap. the child is 4 and constantly wets himself even though he is toilet trained and does go to the toilet , and sometimes worse. my parner and the mother seem totally unconcerned about this even though he is now at school and may get made fun of. i am certain it is not an attension issue as he is very well loved and ressured by us all, it just seems that because he is not being corrected he continues. i have tried to mention it to my boyfriend or suggest a doctor but the reaction is hostile. similarly, his behaviour can be atrocious- at christmas he threw his presents across the room and said he hated them if they were not what he wanted- everyone laughed and said how sweet he was. what can i do? this constant tantrum throwing is making me very unhappy and his parents refusal to teach him basic social skills is spoiling a lovely little boy.
thanks xx
Answers
No best answer has yet been selected by nseymour. Once a best answer has been selected, it will be shown here.
For more on marking an answer as the "Best Answer", please visit our FAQ.I think you are in a very difficult situation as a step parent. I would not be too worried about the wee wees; my friend's son kept wetting himself until he was four, once when I was looking after him he wet so many pants that we ran out!!! Boys take a little longer than girls and there is a good chance he'll be ok. However, on the behaviour, I feel a bit more sanguine. You need to try and make your partner understand that there are limits and that you are not prepared to put up with this kind of behaviour in your own home. All children have tantrums but what he did at Christmas was neither funny nor sweet. I wonder if you could ask the local health visitor or clinic whether they have any parenting courses and whether step parents can attend. Nseymour, I am going to stop here because I am afraid of going onto delicate ground, but I wish you the best of luck.
I wouldn't be too concerned about him wetting himself - believe me I have 4 boys and know all about how slow they can be to be clean and dry day and night.
The tantrums are another matter. If he is 4 then this is a bit too old for "terrible twos" style tantrums. I have a 4 year old and I wouldn't be tolerating this level of behaviour.
I'm not saying that your boyfriend needs to come down heavy on him. Just a gentle reminder that this is not a nice way to behave would suffice.
You don't say how long your partner and his ex have been apart, I'm wondering if the little boy is just reacting to his mum and dad not being together and the tantrums and wetting are just attention seeking.
I sympathise with your position and the fact that you don't feel supported in this issue by your boyfriend, but it isn't easy for us parents to admit that our kids are anything other than perfect. He may feel that you are just jealous and attacking his son.
I am a stepmother and my kids also have a stepfather so I can see both sides.