someone with a split personality???

[unhappychick]

Im writing this for my mate, her and her hubby split up due to his secret gambling addiction, as a result them loosing there home and he has issues dating back to when he was a young boy. He was adopted and has issues with rejection and pushes everyone away that love him, including my mate, she has tried to help him so many times, but despite the fact we all know he loves her he tells her he hates her, its like he goes back to being the vulnerable boy he once was and puts a defence up. The problem that is arising from this is that he is becoming increasingly unstable, and they have a son who he sees every other weekend, my friend is now so concerned about hes state of mind that she is fearing for the well being and safety of her son, the man is angry one minute, crying the next and this happends all in front of the son (when he picks him up or takes him home) he has said if it werent for the son he would have killed himself by now and says all this in front of the boy. The boy is now fearing for his fathers state of mind and says daddy is not the same when he goes out and stays with him, the boy ends up in tears every time the man takes him home, because he is worried about him. My mate has had enough, her ex refuses to seek help, he admits sometimes he has a problem, and then denies it the next, she has spoken to social services about adopted children, the group called "mind" and parent line to get some advice but is getting knowhere, they say it is up to her ex to make the decision of wether he wants help or not but have all said it sounds like he has a major problem and lots of issues. My mate is at the end of her tether and is wondering wether or not its good to continue letting her ex see the son as its making the child upset, but shes worried that if she stops contact until he gets help, she is worried he may kill himself, What should she do?

[Hitler]

***Group Huggies ***

[Octavius]

Her primary concern is the health & safety of her child. She cannot (and should not) be culpable for the actions of a deranged adult, and therefore her responsibiities should be towards protecting her child.

I knw it is easy to say and she probably feels stuck between a rock and a hard place, but he is clearly using emotional blackmail to get attention and his own way. This is affecting the child now and will continue to do so for as long as she lets his manipulative behaviour carry on in front of the child.

It sounds crass, but she really needs to set him an ultimatum, or at least some targets and clearly explain her reasons for doing so - along the lines of the childs mental development and induced stress. He clearly needs to get some professional help and he just needs a push, with the reassurance that once he gets help and some stability that the child would love to see more of him and she would be happy for that. Providing there are signs of improvement.

It is difficult I know, but really she has to look out for the child and let the partner make his own adult decisions. Even if that little push makes him do something stupid, she should not place such a loathsome burden upon herself or her child as she and the child will all suffer as well.

Crunch time.

[beso]

Like many others I went away from this question really wondering. It took a while for anyone to come up with a sensible answer.

Although it has its risks Octavius has the best strategy.
I can see no better way.

[unhappychick]

Thanks for your answers all...its a really hard one this, was wondering why it took so long to get any replies! but then its not an easy sitch to make a quick decision, it needs a lot of thought, thank you all so much for your advice