double-income couple

[shables]

My husband and I both work full-time. He often tells people that I have the strongest work ethic he's ever seen. We just bought a great new house this year and I've been so excited. However, while he used to do "some" of the housework he has recently stopped helping out altogether. This would not have been in response to lack of sex or anything because I haven't stopped having sex with him (before or after he stopped with the housework). I've tried some ways of getting him to help, but to no avail. We have different standards for how clean the house should be, fine. But how can I get him to see that at least keeping the health department away is both of our responsibility?

[Lakitu]

Have you talked to him about it? I mean a sit down conversation rather than moaning that he doesn't help?

You could try withholding sex until he starts helping out again LOL

[shables]

Thanks. He is not a big sit-down talk guy - he hates them. I fear he thinks it's all my job but I work 50 hours a week!

[bednobs]

the solution is to get a cleaner and pay half each, then he can feel he's doing his bit and you can feel you are doing yours

[Lakitu]

I know the type of guy very well LOL.

You're not really going to get anywhere with him if you don't talk to him about it properly, you could dress it up as a romantic meal if you like and bring it up casually?

To be honest, I think he's being a bit disrespectful by not taking into consideration your feelings about it.

[redcrx]

maybe you should stop having sex with him then :)

though i fail to see how the 2 could be connected. Just sit him down and tell him he has to help! fairs fair!

[mimie]

If you both work hard and earn well enough this will cause loads of resentment - Get a cleaner in and you will both be happy, have a clean house and more free time!!!!

[shables]

We are definitely getting a cleaning company to come in, but this isn't about that -- it's about picking up after ourselves (which I do and he doesn't), loading and unloading the dishwasher, washing the sheets, etc. My mother and sister both say I should just do it all, but my sister doesn't work. I might become homicidal if I do that. Any other thoughts?

[Sasha13]

My ex boyfriend used to drop his clothes all over the floor every night (we had a washing basket in the corner of the room). I picked up his (dirty) clothes and neatly put them away in the wardrobe/drawer. When he was running late in the morning (which he invariably was) he'd spend ages pulling clothes out of the wardrobe trying to find something clean. Had to do that for about 4 days before he finally got the message that asking him to put dirty clothes in the washing basket wasn't rocket science. Caused some rows but it worked.

[raysparx1]

If he seriously will not talk to you or listen to you, do something about it, you could write to him and put it in the post, reading words sometimes has more effect than saying them, if you still get nowhere stop doing his washing and cooking for him, bit drastic maybe but the lazy sod needs to learn, so teach him, good luck, Ray

[Velvetee]

I have exactly the same problem Shables and it really gets me down.

I've always been a bit untidy myself, in regard to filing letters away, putting washed clothing away, but since moving in with my partner, it's become a joke.

He's obviously never had to do anything for himself, so clothing he takes off ends up on chairs or the floor, all his letters and documents are thrown wherever, the hob is always covered in his paperwork, every part of the house is used as his own personal dumping ground.

At the moment, there are 26 empty coke cans in his office and several more deposited around the house. He could be standing next to the bin, yet any rubbish will be thrown down where he fancies.

I really cannot cope and hate living in a pig sty.

[shables]

Velvetee,
If you just moved in (or even if it was a year or more ago that you moved in) threaten to move out. Tell him you've had it! Seriously, if my husband had done this before we were married I'd have kicked him out. My problem is that it worsened significantly after we were married. You have to get across to him how bad it's become. Or make him pay for a housekeeper! I know, I should listen to my own advice, right? Well that is what I have done. We have a maid now and he is paying for 50% of it with his own hard-earned dollars.