Isleep time

[Shuv007]

I acnnot get my 3 yr old to sleep in is own bed he sceams the place down if we leave him for two seconds in there. Also he won't stay upstairs on his own at all . Is there any end to this ?

[Hgrove]

I am still in a similar situation and my daughter is 6.  Well, she does not scream any more but she does not sleep and comes back down again.  I have come to the conclusion that it is the child's personality;  I disregard those who tell me that I have not been firm enough or there is something wrong with something I have done and if I had more than one child I would have got it sorted by now.  Apparently I was exactly the same when I was a child myself.  I can still remember the torture of being made to go to bed when I was not tired a bit later on - when I was 7 or 8 perhaps.  I think the end will come when they learn to read fluently (my d. is just starting) and then they can enjoy a book in bed.  I console myself thinking that it probably means she will be an easier teenager.  (Some children do fall asleep earlier once they are in f/t school and everybody had predicted mine would do the same but in fact it only lasted about a term and then we were back to sq.one.)  I hope it does not sound too negative.  You probably have a highly intelligent child.

[meltoadhall]

i have a gifted child who always slept, probably not the reason.

if you are willing to sit with your child, until he falls asleep, then try doing this over sevaral months gradually moving from the bed to the door. do not talk or make eye contact. it worked with my first child but it does take a looong time. have you tried your health visitor?

[Solarjunkie]

Is he scared of anything? "Monsters under the bed" can be very real when you're three.

Kids do need to learn the difference between day and night time activities, which as adults we are reminded about all the time - the news on tv, dinner time, etc etc.

I suggest a soothing routine - bath, story, bed or whatever you feel happy with, then put him to bed, turn the light low, then just quietly sit in a chair in his room. You may have to be there an hour at first, but your presence should reassure him. Calm and relaxed, he is much more likely to fall asleep.

Hopefully you should be able to leave when he is used to the idea after a week or so, eg "I'm just popping to the loo" and return. Very important that he knows you will come back! As long as he can hear you, you should be able to make the exits a little longer, I remember refolding things in the airing cupboard a lot, so I was able to be heard & my son knew I was close.

It takes patience, but the rewards are worth it! Good luck.

[ideasman]

it would be interesting to know at what age your three year old was first moved into their own room.i have a boy who is nearly three and was moved into his own room at the age of four months and was never allowed to sleep in the same bed as me and his mum.we did this after friends of ours had problems similar to yours.he sleeps quite happy on his own with no problems.i think that your three year old may feel that they are being rejected by you as you are asking them to go into their own room instead of being with you.i agree with meltoadhall that this could take a long time but staying with them till they are asleep and then leaving would be best.if they wake up and cry cos they are on their own then take them back to their own bed and stay with them till they asleep.and repeat this till it works.i would suggest that if they are unhappy in their room on their own then you always go to them to calm them and get them back to sleep and not bring them into your room as this defeats the object of what you are trying to achieve.good luck

[Birchy]

Is there a sleep clinic at your GP's? If not, they should be able to recommend one at a local venue. We went to one with our first daughter, and they really helped. PLUS, there's always Parentline Plus on 0808 888 2222. 24-hour service for concerned parents to talk things through.

[crisgal]

ooh, this'll cause a row!

My solution is buy a bigger bed and snuggle up!

All three of my children have slept with us. When they start school they more than likely will want their own bed. The time soon comes when the cuddles stop - i think my eldest son was 7 when he first "wiped" my kiss away! I was heartbroken.

The whole family pile on the bed with a stack of reading matter and we all snuggle up. The eldest go in their beds after story/chat time. Then the littlies fall asleep and we sneak out.when it's our bedtime we sneak back in!

I know millions of people will disagree, but, to be responsible parents we need to ensure we get our sleep. Does it really matter? You can guarantee they won't be sleeping with you when they're 18!!

[cazza0310]

I'm not going to argue with crisgal but I do have to say that doesnt work for everyone. My little girl slept with us when she was a baby and I have to say when she was small I loved it-its as she started to grow that the problems started. Me n her dad ended up with less and less of the bed-for a small child she couldnt half take up some space. We coped for as long as possible but sleep was broken and we had to get up for work it really wasnt fair on us (she was fine-slept like a baby every night).

When she was 3 we tried to explain that she needed to sleep in her own bed, we had the obvious tears and tantrums. I was advise to try controlled crying-tried it once and cried more than she did so never again.

Then we tried a bribe and it worked like a dream(no pun intended) She was really into princesses and I told her that if she promised to sleep in her own bed then we would take the side off her cot and turn her room into a princess bedroom. She agreed to this so I took her to b&q and she picked some disney princess wall stickers a border and a princess quilt cover and pillow case. Probably cost me about �60 but it was money well spent. I let het help me put the stickers on the wall and make the bed. She was so excited I cant tell you and weve not looked back since that night. Were even at the stage now where we can take up to bed, read a story, give her a cup of milk(its her comfort thing) she go to sleep on her own. There was a time I never thought this would happen but it has. Thank god!!

[fordka]

I had the same problem with my son we tried all things taking him back to his own bed, one night I carried him back 23 times. Fortunatley for us he was rather fond of his teddy bears, so in sheer deperation I came up with the idea. After another night in our bed  we went in his bedroom in the morning, only to find that all his teddys were missing all that was there was a note on the bed saying that they had decided to leave and find somewhere else to live because they were so lonley at night time and would only consider coming back if my son was prepared to look after them in the night. It did the trick. He is a happy normal 15 year old now and I can say that - - - - no emotional damage was done.