when should we have a baby?

[ettelloc]

Im 24 years old & have been with my partner for over 7 years. We do want kids but im not sure when. We both have pretty good jobs which pay for the mortgage and 2 cars then we have enough for holidays etc so we could financialy manage but I alays thought we would be married 1st where as my partner wants kids first. If we have kids 1st they would be priority before a wedding. Am I being selfish? Thanks

[Ice.Maiden]

If you have to ask for opinions on this matter, then I don't think you're ready to have a baby yet, whether you have the means to support one or not. it's something that only you and your partner can decide on. Having said that, I don't think there's a right or wrong time. If a wedding's of great importance to you, then you need to sit and tell your partner how you feel, as once a child comes along, and wages drop for at least a while, even those who're financially secure can feel the pinch - meaning that if a baby comes along first, the wedding may never materialise! I've known couples to do this, and still be just cohabiting, years down the line. . Good luck in your decision.

[jno]

traditionally, people married before having children, so your attitude isn't unusual at all. These days more people aren't bothered. But to insist you have to have children before you'll marry, as your boyfriend is doing, is a bit odd. Are you really sure he wants children? Is he?

[terambulan]

It may be a good thing to get pregnant first.....to make sure no-one is firing blanks? Would be awful to find out ur partner was unproductive in the baby dept after you married, especially if babies are ur ultimate aim for a commitment.

[xxsparkerxx]

I have to agree with what already been said, if you havr to ask the question when are you ready, then I dont think now is the time, you will just know when you are ready and want to start trying for a baby. Good luck in whatever route you decide to take x

[Carrac]

i had both of my kids by the time i was 24 and i wasnt married. One thing you will have to consider is that your partner will have no parental rights to your child until you are married, i.e he wont be able (legally) to take him for his injections etc.

with regards to the wedding the good thing about it was that my kids made the cutest page boys but you trying getting a baby sitter for 2 toddlers, when every member fo your family is at the wedding. Plus a honey moon will be out.

Either way having a baby now or when you are married will have its complications. dont get me wrong my boys are the best thing that ever happend to me. But essentially you are the mum and you will have to make a lot of sacrifices of the things you now take for granted. I think you should think about this a bit more. it is not about the right time it is about whether it is right for you and you alone. Cause your the one who will have to do most of the work.