I thought the roadside flowers were bad enough

[Ethel]

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-103456 2/White-ghost-bikes-pay-tribute-dead-riders-da nger-spots-Britain.html


Yes, I know to lose a loved one in a road accident is a tragedy (been there, done that, choose not to wear the tshirt) but the less distractions road side the better.

I can't be the only one who doesn't like to see dead and dying flowers strapped to a lamp post - perhaps it is acceptable in the days following the accident, but in my area it goes on for years, literally.

Public grief seems to be the 'in thing', chest beating and wailing. Very often those making the biggest 'show' aren't connected to the deceased in any way, or only very loosely. It seems to have sprung up since the death of Diana.
I remember feeling very angry on one occasion after the death on my loved one. I felt some people (very casual acquaintances) were trying to 'steal' my grief in some way - not just empathising.

Am I alone in feeling this way?

[Abdulmajid]

Not alone at all Ethel.

Flowers are fine at the time and maybe on anniversaries etc but roadsides are not epitaphs or moursoleums (sp??).

And the white bike thing seems a bit macabre if you ask me.

The families have to let go. Grieve certainly, but from a psychological layman's perspective, this is not a positive coping strategy.

Move on!!!

[Kathyan]

I agree totally Ethel. I don't understand why anyone would want to mark the place where someone died. I read somewhere that some councils were going to remove them after a certain time.

[littleoldme]

I agree completely, Ethel. Grief is a very personal thing and should be private. Those of us not affected by a particular loss can of course show sympathy and support, but leave the actual grieving to those directly affected.

Of course, it can work both ways. Just as there are those who seek to, as you so perfectly put it, 'steal' the grief of others, so there are those who sometimes seek to impose their grief on the rest of us. I'm dreading the 20th anniversary of the Hillsborough disaster next year. As much sympathy as I have for the families of those who perished, I just know it will give Liverpool - Self-Pity City - yet another excuse not only to start wailing and gnashing its collective teeth, but make damn sure the rest of the country knows about it.

[naomi24]

If we all did that, then hospitals, hospices and homes would be overflowing with shrines.

[China Doll]

I think if the bikes raise awareness for the numbers of cyclists killed on roads then I don't think it's a bad idea at all really

As to the flowers, they don't bother me either. Personally I'd rather pay my respects elsewhere and not at the spot where someone died but grief is a very individual thing and if that's how some people choose to express their grief then leave them to it, it doesn't hurt anyone.

I think there's a long standing british tradition of stiff upper lip and dignity on these occasions which I like because it is very typically british and also because I don't like parading my emotinos around but I often think the initial weeping, wailing and joint consolation of other cultures is infinitely healthier.

[Quinlad]

I'm sitting on the fence here.

I do agree, Ethel, that there's a trend towards celebrating grief ever more lavishly. And sometimes it seems less than genuine.

But as littleoldme says, grief is a very personal thing. Different strokes and all that. If I was beside myself with grief, the last thing I'd want is people telling me how I should and shouldn't handle it.

Flowers by the roadside are such a minor distraction that it hardly seems worth complaining about.

[jno]

when I feel grief, I do it in my own way. I can't really legislate for how others should do it, though. The English passion for flowers wrapped in cellophane is completely beyond me, but if it keeps them happy... And roadside shrines do point to accident blackspots (not all of them, of course, but some), which has value to passing drivers. I haven't seen any shost bikes, but I suspect they too serve a purpose.

[buildersmate]

In the state of Montana, USA, all roadside deaths are marked with a small metal cross (one cross per victim), about one metre high, at the roadside. This has been done for several decades and are permanent reminders of a tragedy, erected by the State. Some locations have several such signs. We found it salutary reminder of accident black spots.

[Mully79]

4 years ago a motorcyclist was killed at a junction I drive through everyday. Initially there were lots of flowers and such placed there, strapped to the railings.

Now, his widow and children place photos, cards and so on at certain times of the year - birthdays, Christmas, Father's Day etc. They always remove the old to place the new, and it's tidy and discreet.

I have never understood why complete strangers or barely-there acquaintances would place flowers at the roadside like that - and in the case of Princess Di it was even more ridiculous, as if people were jumping on the grief bandwagon, so Ethel I understand why you would be angry in your situation. My aunt died a week after Diana and it made me very angry seeing this fake outpouring of grief whilst we were genuinely mourning the loss of our beloved aunt.

But in the case of this biker, it's obvious the family don't want him to be forgotten and it helps with their grief to show they still care. All the hangers-on have long since stopped placing flowers at the scene of the accident.

[daffy654]

A couple of years ago a man was murdered in our village and his family travel here from Manchester regularly to tie flowers to the railings of the bank where it happened.They come on the anniversary of his death,his birthday,Christmas and his son's birthday.I understand they are grieving but the dead and dying flowers and balloons and teddy bears just look a mess after a couple of days and it is left to our local council to clear them.

[123everton]

I agree entirely, immediately afterwards yes it makes sense, but flowers belong on a grave after that.
I remember when this trend began a small boy was killed in a hit and run by a red Austin Maestro or Montego they never caught the driver so 1 year later the family put flowers on the spot where he was killed to try invoke his(?) conscience.
Perhaps we should have one day of the year when these shrines could be erected then we'd see for ourselves the scale of the problem. Trouble is the disciples to this cult of death wiould probably offer their tributes with copious amounts of alcohol.

[firewatch]

I feel these bikes may cause accidents, people stopping or slowing to rubber neck at these bikes could cause accidents themselves.
Were i live there are stretches of road that are killers, one in particular has a marble block with the deceased names on it, its is only small, like those you find in graveyards. However the fact the tree which they hit (It was a car) is constantly decorated with flowers tinsel at Christmas etc, i think its over the top.
Now on the other hand we have a rail bridge nearby which is part of a blind bend, someone lost control there and hit the embankment. They died, there family has erected a simple wooden cross mounted high enough to be seen and nothing more, just on the anniversary, a single bunch of flowers. It serves a simple, non distracting reminder of what can happen.
My husband has heard of the metal crosses and thinks they would be a good idea,a one off cost nothing more, as part of the Fire and rescue services,he feels it would serve as a reminder to those who come after the dangers which comes with taking to a road has.

[123everton]

The cross is a great idea, just one problem.
What if you're not a Christian, or an atheist?
Would we have a crescent for Muslims and a question mark or a picture of a bloke shrugging his shoulders for the atheists?
Tongue in cheek a little.