In my dining room I now have two rats, Polly and Sybil. Pleasant little creatures, lodging with me while their owner takes a brief holiday in Peterborough (not quite right in the head). I also have a .22 rifle loaded with armour-piercing Superpoint pellets so I can blow the brains out of rats in the back garden. I have an authentic Vickers water-cooled belt-fed machine gun in the lounge, but despite all this hardware I haven't killed any rats or other human beings. Am I too good to be true?
Not at all Whiffey. I'd personally say the rats were better company that some of the Peterborough inhabitants (I should know, I grew up near there). Your friend is not staying at the well known lodging HMP Peterborough by any chance?
The Peterborough bit was a lie, actually it's Sherborne where there are no high-security prisons and 2 less rats than Croydon. They are asleep at the moment, bless.