What's in a name

[harriet99]

My mother has a daughter from a previous relationship when she was very young. She later married my dad, had my sister and me and now the three of us girls all have daughters. My daughter has her father's (my ex husband) surname, my older sister's daughter has her father's name but my half sister has insisted on giving her daughter OUR father's name! This is causing a major feud between all of us as our dad has got nothing to do with her or her child. We don't know why she has done this or why her husband has allowed her to.They are raising a child that doesn't have either of their parent's name. Is she legally entitled to use our father's name and what happens in the event of a claim under wills & probate for instance. I can't imagine what other motive they would have to do this ?

[Hgrove]

As far as I know, the only thing that might give your half sister, or her child, rights to your father's estate, would be if he adopted your half sister.  Giving his surname to her child (however insensitive) will not, so far as I know, by itself create any rights. 

[dirtyharriet]

I'm sorry but I took real offence to your question. This is your SISTER you are talking about and contrary to "our dad has got nothing to do with her or her child", when YOUR dad married her mother he became her stepfather. I am assuming you were all brought up together as a family? I really take exception to this talk of half sister and not having rights as if she was some poor relation. She can legally use whatever name she likes. I am confused as to why this seems to be causing a feud. What difference does it make to you what she calls her child?
Your attitude towards your sister is shocking, like something out of Cinderella. No points for guessing which parts you and your sister play.

[Elfin]

You don't say whether your half sister's real father has anything to do with her either, but I'm guessing that if not, she could have always felt insecure - like she didn't quite belong to your family as it is now.  You also don't say why your father has nothing to do with her now.  Maybe this is all just a rather naive way for her to gain a sense of belonging.

Clearly, you all share the same name and she is left out.  If your parents had changed her name to the family name as a child, then your question would relate to her child bearing its mother's maiden name - not unheard of in this day and age.

As the others have said, I don't think there are any legal advantages.  I'd try to be a little more understanding and a little less suspicious.

Finally, why don't you just ask her why she did it?

[marchantino]

i agree with dirtyharriet.shameful.

[harriet99]

Dirtyharriet, it is a very complicated family scenario and maybe I did not explan in enough detail. Although we kenw of our half sister she grew up with her biological father and his wife in America. We met her for the first time when she was 19. She married when she was 28 and subsequently had two daughters. |I am surprised that everyone seems to think that it's ok to use my father's name for her children when she has married and created a family of her own. She could have given her children her own husband's surname - no one would questioh that ! or our mother's maiden name or even her own father's name. We have all asked her why she has done this and her husband says she can do what she likes and it is nothing to do with us.

I feel that one of the most basic "birthrights" is one's name. If she has issues with a sense of belonging then why would she perpetuate these issues for her children.

Bob Geldorf is raising Paula Yates and Michael Hutchence's daughter with his own children. Tiger Lilly Hutchence would probably have more right than most to give the name Geldof to any children she may have but what would be the point. 

[harriet99]

So sorry Dirtyharriet, you sound as though you may have issues where family relationships are concerned since you took such offence to my question. You are probably assuming a little too much on the negative side. My half sister's actions have created a rift in the family because she and her husband seem to be clinging to my father's family name for some bizarre reason and don't seem to have considered to implications for their children. I know I would wish to and do have the same name as my parents, surely most people feel the same but I could be wrong - I quite like the look of Brad Pitt, should I name my next child after him ??

[dirtyharriet]

Had you explained in more detail, then I wouldn't have "assumed too much on the negative side"
I don't consider that I have issues where family relationships are concerned, I do however have issues with what I consider to be cruel and petty behaviour.

I still don't understand your family's need for a fued over what is in reality a minor issue and, to be frank, none of your business.
Why your half sister seems determined to cling to your father's name is her business. Her husband doesn't mind, so why should you?

I am sure your inheritance is perfectly safe.


To answer your question, you would be well within your rights to name your next child anything you wanted.

From your post it feels as if you and your family harbour a lot of resentment towards this poor woman, and that the issue of the name is just a surface issue.

[Miss Zippy]

I can completely understand why you�re feeling a bit miffed. Ok, she�s your half-sister, but your father didn�t bring her up as his own.  She lived with her biological father and his wife so I don�t understand why she would want her children to take the name of a man who is no relation to her and with whom she (presumably) has no significant emotional ties? If you�re worried from an inheritance perspective, as someone has already said, merely taking someone�s name does not in itself create any rights.  

[harriet99]

My half sister has never lived with us but in an effort to include her we always invited her to family events - Christmas,birthdays etc. I think this all started when she was getting married she did not invite her own father and stepmother over for her wedding so at the request of my mother my dad stepped up to "give her away", I was a bridesmaid and we were all involved in the wedding. Since then she has become increasingly grasping. Now her children are teenagers when they come to visit they often point out jewellery, furniture and various things and say to my parents "when you die can we have this". I makes me wonder what on earth she's been telling her children. Her children call my dad grandad which no one really minds but laying claim to my parents things when they are still quite fit and well feels a bit morbid. My dad is not comfortable with the name issue but says he knows who his children are and doesn't want to embarrass my half sister in front of the rest of the family by pointing out the obvious. What make the whole thing even more ridiculous is that neither my half sister or either of her children bear any resemblance to the rest of our family members and people often ask her how does she know the family which she takes great offence to and then my mother has to step in and explain. It's all very tedious but if there are no legal issues to worry about then the only people that use of dad's name will affect is her and her children.

I really don't feel it is unreasonable to be concerned. The whole situation does make all of us feel very uncomfortable and suspicious since this all started because we were trying to be kind to her.

Thanks for all the replies x