Dating with age gap

[mookey1958]

My daughter is 17.5 dating a 25 year old guy. I have met him and like him and have made my concerns and my rules very clear. My daughter had a very bad experience with a 17 year old boy and does not like to be with any one her own age. She is very responsible, graduated one year early from high school and is starting college in August. I have friends and family questioning my decision, but I feel that if I forbid, she will go behind my back anyway. My thought is that if I can keep and open and honest relationship with them then I am more likely to be aware of what is going on. Opinions?

[obNOXious]

well i don't really agree with the hypocrite hypohtesis, i just think that the people who have answered in favour of the age gap thing, have done so because they have proof positive that it works, and I don't think a five-10year age gap is even worth mentioning most of the time to be honest, as most 17 year olds are so close in attitude and needs to a 25 year old that i really can't see the difference. It's not as if she's 12 going out with some bloke whose 20 is it? They are in effect both adults, so let em get on with it, to do otherwise would be immensely disrespectful of the girl as a young adult. treat someone like a kid and they'll undoubtedly act like one, treat them with respect and consideration and they'll usually surprise you.

[mookey1958]

The question is not whether it will last or not last. It is an experience. She is experiencing life. She will learn if this is right or not right for her. We are not talking marriage here, they are dating, riding jet ski's, going mudding ... just having fun and dating. She starts college (yes a year early) in August...she is in no way thinking marriage, she is just having fun.

[LoftyLottie]

I would point out that, contrary to one answer on here, I am not involved in a relationship with an age gap. I actually married someone the same age as me when we were both 25. We have been together for 35 years!! Also, if a 25 year old woman was involved with a 17/18 year old guy I would not find this wrong either. It is more unusual but not wrong.

Mookey, I support you entirely and agree with your healthy attitude towards your daughters relationship. She is experiencing life. She is doing exactly what I did at her age (many years ago) - having fun and not committing herself.

[sara3]

and you want to stop her "having fun"?

who knows if it will last? I got married to someone of my age assuming it would last but hey ho, life's not that predictable. if they are having fun, good for her.

[LoftyLottie]

But Mookey is saying that she agrees with her daughter having fun Sarah.

[sara3]

then I don't get the point of her question!

[Robinia]

sara mookey is saying that it's family & friends who are questioning her decision to be supportive of her daughter's relationship.
I agree with those who've said that the age gap's not a problem & he's probably a much more respectful & caring boyfriend than some boys her own age might be.
I had a 21 yr old boyfriend when I was 16 & my mum was none too pleased until a neighbour who knew him & his family reassured her.

[EngTeach]

I agree with your actions, just keep a close eye on them. They both seem to have benn upfront about things, so that is good.



Side Note:If your daughter was in my class and I knew this (in NYC) I would have to report him and you for this. Under NYS state law I would be obligated or else risk losing my teaching license.

[blackcat77]

Eng Teach - do you mean that you would have to report one of your students for seeing a man who is 7.5 years older than her, who obviously has her parents consent to do so, if she lived in New York? That seems rather invasive, doesn't it?

Mookey - I think that you are going about this situation in exactly the right way! My parents also liked to know who I was seeing when I was young and very often became good friends with my boyfriends who were almost always at least 10 years older than me. I have now been with my OH happily for 14 years and he is 22 years older than me.

[LoftyLottie]

Black Cat, I believe the USA law varies in each state, but they are much more invasive about relationships generally than we are. I could never live in the USA!

[meresborough]

You are right, i think if you try and stop her she will only go behind your back.

I think you have dealt with the situation in a really really good way.

[carsie]

let your daughter live her own life its not up to you who she goes out with you cant pick and choose dont try and live her life for her because she will hate you for it