When to walk away?

[McNoodle]

My partner and I argue and bicker constantly. We're just not getting on at the moment at all, and it's been like this for a while. We have a one year old son together and a six year old from a previous relationship (hers). I honestly feel if it wasn't for my son I would call it a day. The arguments are getting nastier and more frequent and I'm exhausted by them. The thing is I couldn't bear to be seperated from my boy, and would miss the older one terribly, as they would both almost certainly stay with her even though I have joint parental responsibility. I know you shouldn't stay together just for the kids sake but I refuse to live apart from my son and see us both worse off - house would need to be sold, both end up in rented accom' etc... we keep saying we're going to make more effort, but honestly dreading going home tonight, yet wouldn't think of staying away and not seeing the little fella...

[Tups]

I feel for you McNoodle. A very difficult situation. I stayed in an argumentative marriage for 20 years and am out of it only because my husband suddenly died. I miss him terribly now! My children, who are now grown up, insist that, although they had to go to bed each night, listening to us bickering, they were still petrified that we might split up. They preferred their parents together and shouting than apart. Maybe they're not typical, I don't know. I would strongly advise you to get your partner to visit Relate with you. Talking about problems in front of an impartial mediator is often all that is needed to help you see each other's point of view. Failing that, find someone else to help you. I know a friend of mine went to a retired vicar for advice (she isn't religious herself) when her husband left her and now they are back together again. The seemingly impossible can happen but you both need to want things to get better and both be willing to make the effort. Too many couple forget to include the children in the equation but they are the innocent party and every effort should be made, if only for their sakes. They need both of you. Good luck.

[unhappychick]

Ahh what a shame, but in all honesty I think you can work on this, the fact that you have written this posts suggests to me that you care, and are looking for answers to get back to normal again...that alone is a good start! You both need to have a heart to heart, work out what your argueing about and find some middle ground between the 2 of you. Tell her your exhausted by it and tell her that you love her but are dreading coming home, because you are coming home to a battle ground and not the loving family you once had, tell her you miss the way you were, cry if you have to...if my fella come home and said that to me I would soften and talk rather than shout....Its lovely to hear that you love your children so much, and like I said before, you obviously do your partner otherwise you wouldnt have written the post...so please work on saving your relationship....good luck! x