Bad Boys....help!

[lil75]

I am writing this for my sister, she has 2 sons ages 14 and 11, they fight non stop as soon as they wake up, till they go to bed, she has tried talking to them about it but they dont listen, until she ends up erupting and ends up crying herself, they listen for all of 5 mins, what makes it worse is, there dog barks continuously when they fight, as a result she has now had a massive row with the neighbours downstairs, my sister can understand how they feel, but they were quite rude about the children and being abusive, when my sister defended them and herself they were laughing at her. She cant control the children, even if they have been out for the day it still carries on once they are back home. They share a room which doesnt help, but they have no choice financially at the moment. The kids are constantly shouting and swearing from early morning till late at night, and she just doesnt know how to stop them. I have told her they are controlling her and she knows it...any ideas on how to put a stop to it and get to a normal household?

[ethanryan]

do they have tv.s computers etc in there room. if they do i would take these out for a start. i knew a family once who was like this so the mother took all electrical items out the room, took the tv dvd etc out the living room so thery had nothing to watch or play with. she put a lock on the outside of there bedroom doors and would not allow them to play in there rooms or go out. she brought board games, packs of cards and other things they could do together and things they had to work as a team with. they refused all of these at first but soon got board of sitting doing nothing and would eventually join in and work together. there mom went back to treating them like babies. if they were good they got a reward. days out and day trips were stopped unless they had a good day at home.
not sure if these lads would work together but maybe worth a try, lot of hard work for there mom but may be worth it in the end. once the lads clothes were out there bedroom there was no reason for them to go back in there.

[puddicat]

ethanryan what good advice you have given!!!

[annie0000]

Do they have a father on the scene? Is there any kind of male role model in their lives? I know that many single mums bring up sons in a brilliant way and have no problems, but the reality is that a large percentage of boys who get into trouble have no positive male role models in their lives. These boys are going through puberty, have testosterone coursing through their bodies, increasing natural aggression and maybe they have no outlet for it.

Is there any way that they could get involved in a physical sport such as judo or boxing or rugby to give them a bit of discipline and energy release in a controlled environment?

Is sounds like she is having a tough time, and some good advice has already been given in terms of controlling things in the home, but I would definitely look at trying to get them out doing things apart from each other and to tire them out if nothing else!

[Mully79]

Is their room big enough to put in a partition to allow some privacy? This might help matters. Or perhaps have a rotation where one gets the room to themselves for X amount of time in an evening so they aren't stuck in the room at the same time. And encourage them to go out and do activities in the evenings / weekends so they aren't hanging about getting bored and angry with each other.

Whilst it's all good & well punishing the kids by taking stuff out of their room etc. the fact remains these kids are under each other's feet, don't have any privacy from one another and just because they are blood brothers doesn't mean they get along! There might be a severe personality clash and teemed up with going through a hormonal age where they don't listen to reason, it's just going to make things worse.

Just for the record, I was verbally, psychologically and sometimes physically abused by my brother. Things deteriorated around the age of your sister's children. He was/is a horrible individual, I still don't speak to him. Had we shared a room, I most likely would have murdered him if he didn't off me first. Just sharing a house was bad enough!

She should think about re-homing the dog if it is also getting stressed from the situation - it can't help matters, surely?

[lil75]

Thankyou so much everyone for your great advice, I will pass it all on and hopefully my sister will take it all on board and have the determination to see it through...I know I would!

[zzxxee]

i would make them do some kind of activity where they have to work together get a tent drive them to the middle of nowhere and tell them if they want to be dry tonight to put the tent up together if they want to eat they have to cook a meal together in a field there are no tellys no computors and no neighbours . also if they love the family dog tell them because of the barking the complaints are to much and if they dont calm down doggie will have to go to the dogs home..