Child behaviour programmes

[Top totty]

I am amazed at the amount of these types of programmes now being shown. Is it really a reflection of how our society is going when so many children seem out of control and that its them that rule the household and not the parents. I hate watching them and always swear I won't but you can guarantee I will have a quick peep and then watch the whole thing gently seething at how these children are allowded to behave and what push overs some parents are. Is it just me that can't believe how daft some parents are.

[mylo74]

Your not alone Totty, some people should remove themselves from the gene pool before the life guard tells them too for the benefitof others!!!!!!

[andy hughes]

It's very easy to look in from the soutside at parernts who are failing and take a superior attitude - we all do it.

The fact is, these parents are lacking in basic parenting skills - part of a generation who are simply not equipped with the basic strategies to educate their childrenn in notions of respect, sharing, living together with others, social skills. This lack of parenting skills is the real root of society's issues - anti-social behaviour, binge drinking, violence, crime, and so on.

The government makes a lot of noise about schools and teachers, but as any teacher will tell you, children's personalities are formed before they get to school - discipline begins, or not, in the home.

The thread rthat runs through these parents' attitudes to their children is an inablity to take charge of the situation, coupled with a tendency to try and argue with children as though they understand adult reasoning.

Children are as naughty as they are allowed to be - all children. Put the boundaries in place, explain the sanctions, then enforce them. You can't buy good behaviour, or appeal to a better nature - small children are completely self-centred. The point is, they don't think or feel as adults do - while you are fretting over being cross, worrying your child won;t love you anymore, they've completely forgotten about it!

Take charge, give consistant direction, never threaten something you won't carry out, and your children will be secure and happy.

Of course, as a parent, I break some or all of these rules, everyone does, but put the basics in place, and you can avoid having a child who rules your life and makes you, and him or her, miserable.

But all of this is learned, and some parents, can't, or won't learn it - so let's hope they listen to the sound advice they will get - and if society as a whole could do the same, we'd all be a lot happier.

[andy hughes]

Mylo - my response wasn't a pop at you personally - we cross-posted - sorry!

[OBonio]

These programs make me angry in the fact that some self qualified do-gooder sees her/himself fit enough to tell other people how to bring their children up.  What's wrong with the tried and tested ways of bringing kids up like the way I was.  Discipline and respect.  If it's not broken, don't fix it.  And if someone tells me I'm not allowed to dish out suitable discipline to my children, I'm off to a country where I can.  Ooooo, makes my blood boil.

[Top totty]

I could not believe some of the parents on the latest horror programme. I honestly don't want to sound bad but I know I do and will but why the hell was that Mother sat by her sons bed in the middle of the night explaining that she was so stressed her skin was breaking out. Did she really think her son (4 years) really cared or understood. The first thing I would have told her was to remove that TV from his room. I am still staggered at this programme and that was only the first one. Oh dear I can feel a rant coming on and a headache. 

[Gevs1966]

This could quite easily escalate into another one of those debates about whether or not you should be allowed to smack your children. There would be no outcome as everyone has their own opinions on the matter and they all refuse to budge so the argument just goes round in circles.

 

Andy, I think when you say that parents can't or won't learn parenting skill and basic ways to discipline their children you are slightly off the mark, Athough I agree this is the case in lots of circumstances these skills would vary greatly from child to child and indeed parent to parent. Personally I think the fact that many of these parents are oblivious to the fact that their children need basic rules/discipline in the first place is a far more concerning issue. This is a problem at the very core of bad parenting, the pure ignorance of not knowing any different. The "can't learn, won't learn" situation comes afterwards when their children are already out of control and it is too late.

 

It is my opinion that more power should be given back to the schools as well as the parents to instill discipline in the Nations kids and teach them the respect that was taught to the generation preceeding them. This is a major factor in the alarming rate at which youth crime is increasing.

Obviously it is not the only reason but it is the one applicable to this argument.

[FastBarry]

I would certainly want to smack them.

The parents that is.

[woofgang]

anybody else think its worrying that these situations are being turned into entertainment??

[MuppetBabies]

To anyone who feels themselves getting angry watching these programmes - don't watch them!!

It would be all to easy to get things out of proportion after watching a programme like this. I dare say, as long as there have been parents, there have been bad parents, or parents whose parenting skills aren't as extensive as they could be. It's just that now their behaviour is coming into your living room.

I think these programmes are quite ugly, but only because the people who tend to watch them often aren't being honest about the fact that they are enjoying feeling morally superior to the people they are watching.

[Le Chat]

As Muppetbabies suggests - I have not watched these programmes, even though I enjoy programmes such as 'The Baby Whisperer' where it is educational and you can pick up handy tips to re enforce your own. I have not watched any of these as I know I will despair and become angry at the ridiculousness of it all. Coupled with the gross stupidity of the parents, it's enough to make you depressed for the future generation!

[miss_chase]

Wow! I am surprised to disagree with so many of you.

As a HUGE fan of the BBC3 one 'Little Angels' which showed normal parents with slightly naughty children, I think these programmes are brilliant.

As a non-parent but a teacher of lots of highly naughty (much naughtier than the BBCs kiddies) secondary horrors - I have both smugly gone 'oh yeah, well obviously having a tv in the room is gonna result in a sleepness night' but also gone 'oh that's a great idea' and used tips on my secondary students.

My partner (also a teacher) and I have had many discussions concluding that its actually our student's parents who need to watch these. So what better than to have the programmes on mainstream telly!

Admittedly I haven't seen the ITV or Channel 5 (is it?) versions so perhaps they have become more extreme. (On Channel 5? Never!!) but its my opinion that if it gets parents reassessing 'i'll just smack the ****ers that'll knock some sense into 'em' OR the equally ineffective 'children need to express themselves so we'll let them run around amok in the supermarket' attitudes then it can only be a good thing.

(of course, this is before I have my own and am screaming at them to shut up before I lock them in their room with a telly and a beakerful of vodka...!) 

[Gef]

Well said andy and some others. Total mince from miss chase.

[miss_chase]

well actually i agree with what andy says! but as a teacher who is given the job of dealing with children who are sometimes not parented brilliantly, isn't it better to try and give these parents some help via an easily accessible medium (ie mainstream telly) than just feel as though 'we' could do it better?

PS As I said, I haven't seen the ITV / Nanny 911 versions so if they are just showing bad behaviour and not helping to deal with it then yes, I agree, it wouldn't be helpful : )

[morg_monster]

I think these progs are actually ok!  EG little angels I really enjoy, the parents are always at the end of their tether and there is rarely serious parenting problems involved - clearly they are so stressed out they just don't know what to do.  It is in these cases you really need an outsider with an objective view to come in and give some suggestions - which are often obvious to the parents once they are pointed out! 

Interestingly, there is a study being done to determine whether these programs actually help people who are watching with their parenting skills, as there is a lot of anecdotal evidence to this effect but nothing proven.

[Top totty]

Hello Again.

 

There have been some very good points raised here about these types of programmes. What I still can't understand is how parents/children get into a situation where a child is spitting in the parents face or totally trashing a room. How does that start ??? I strongly believe that children do follow by example but surely no parent would spit in a childs face so where does this behaviour come from. ??? and hopefully there are not many parents who would trash a room in a temperin front of children. OK maybe there are some out there but surely they are not the sort to put themselves forward for this type of programme.

I have to admit to being a little shocked by the comment ' rarely serious parenting problems involved '   I would think that some of the parents have HUGE parenting problems and if some of this behaviour is seen as 'normal' or 'not that bad'  then no wonder our schools etc are in such a mess where discipline is concerned. What makes me angry is that the children who are brought up better have to experience these types of children every day at school when their lessons are distrubted by children who have never been shown how to behave or shown any form of discipline in the home.

[TracyJ]

It surprises me that nobody has mentioned the prevalence of working parents and the possibility of this affecting the children's behaviour. I am a stay at home mum and am happy with the way my children behave. I don't have as nice a house as I could have if I went out and earned more money (in fact I rarely have any spare cash to spend on myself or the home) but I feel that it's not much of a sacrifice for well brought up children. I've found, by watching these programmes, that parents feel so guilty for not spending time with their children they try to compensate by not telling them off when they do see them. I'm trying not to offend anybody here - I realise some people have to work (although personally I'd downsize my house rather than feel the need to work, at least until the children are in school) and I can understand how they wouldn't want to spend the precious hours they do have with the kids disciplining them.  I think though that we have to stop trying to be friends with our kids and act like parents.

As for the programmes, it's another one of those saturation things, isn't it? At one time we were inundated with decorating programmes, then it was property development and now it's unruly children. I wonder what's next?

[OBonio]

Very good point TracyJ.  One I'd not thought about actually.  Food for thought that.