Anyone else feel like this?

[roosi]

We are late twenties / early thirties. Other half has recently gone self employed, big financial strain, although it's very successful so far, and will be (looking to the future we hope), to top it all off there's the current economic climate which doesn't help!
Intimacy is completely out of the question as we are always either talking about the business, or sleeping, I know this isn't good but it's getting to the stage that this is all that matters during conversation just now. I am beginning to understand him and his needs more and more and sometimes just feels like we are exisiting as a couple. He loves me unconditionally, and I do him although things / life in general seem to be drifting past (outwith our control).

We laugh together, watch lots of films (as we have this in common), and do quite a lot together I am just finding the lack of intimacy a huge deal, and I am feeling really quite rejected. We have been together for almost a decade, so it's not like we are new to the ups and downs of a relationship and have been through plenty together, so I don't see why this should affect us any differently as a couple.

I have mentioned the lack of this "closeness" to him by which he says stuff like I always get like it from time to time, and I am an insecure person (which to an extent is right) now and again.

I just want to get back to the way we were without making too big a deal about things, and causing an argument with him as I realise ho much stress we are both under just now - I work full time in a rather stressful position myself.

Any ideas, and sensible answers only would be appreciated

Thanks
R
x

[roosi]

Thanks Jenna, although I am not in exactly this situation, I see a lot of similarities, and will take heed from what you have said tonight, and thankd for your replies, and everyone else taking the time to listen to me ranting. I think it's maybe my ranting that is the problem, and indeed I make my life more manic than it should be - I tii have a stressful job, and sometimes take this home then take it out on him in other ways. I reckon I need to chill and let thingd happen naturally - this way it's natural and not forced, and even if it takes another yr I will wait,, I love him so much

Thanks again everyone, really apreciate the fatc I am not going demented, and managed to air some stuff on here..

R
xx

[roosi]

Do Not Know - thanks for your honest and frank reply, and I did not take offense, I truly understand where you are coming from and feel for you both, (although it isn't thank goodness my case) but what you said can relate to many moments in life where people feel inadequate or not good enough for a person, and I can relate to this more often than not, and I can see why you thought this may be the case, fortunately I am physically fine, just a little confused about my/our lives I think!

Thanks again though and best of luck to you and your wife.

R
x

[Maypole]

You are absolutely right trying to nip this in the bud now.

The situation will not resolve itself and if you work and he is running his own business do not make the mistake of thinking things will get easier - they wont. The pressures will remain, theyll change but they will still be there and you have already noticed that the longer it goes on the more difficult it becomes to bridge the gap.

I suggest trying to build some common ground by discussing what your goals are and why you're both doing what youre doing. Whats the point of all teh hard work? Use one of the films you watch as a prompt if you dont want to make a big deal of it.

I dont think you wanting some/more intimacy is something that should be excused, or waited out, or borne until it passes. If thats how you are then be proud you are capable of intimacy (not everyone is). Maybe he should up his game.

Good luck.

[ct75]

Go get some nice undies as previously suggested, go for a nice meal and some drinks but most importantly a couple of days before, go and get a brazilian or hollywood wax, this will make you feel a lot more sexy/confident and I guarantee he will not be able to keep his hands off you.
Don't tell him you have been for this though-keep it as a surprise.
Once you get home from your evening out, strip off slowly and let nature take it's course.

xxx

[lozzylou]

hi, if you do not have money to go out and want more intimacy why cant you both cuddle up together on the sofa when you are watching films, him with his arm round you.
me and my partner dont get much time together due to our two toddlers but i always enjoy curling up on sofa at night. or put the tele in the bedroom and lie in the bed curled up together. i know its not the same as sex but it is a start just lying in each others arms.

[roosi]

You know something, you are all saying what I genuninly feel inside, and your thoughts are coming across so clearly now I am beginning to realise what I now need to do. I am going to try most of these things in a subtle manner as not to cause any untoward feelings and am going to take it all slower and let things happen with a little nudge here and there by the undies thing, and maybe the snuggle on the sofa now and again, he isn't the best at showing his feeling towards me but hopefully I will convey the correct messages so he picks up on this, and we get back to normal again

Thansk again everyone, what a breath of fresh air you have all been, and I now see I am not the only one!!!!

:-)

R
x

[lozzylou]

good luck roosi hope it all works out, just try not to push things too hard or you may push him aay completely.