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Latest stats 16% of mums admit they have a favourite child!!!!
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Its horrible to admit, it but i will be the first and say i have a favourite my youngest son, we just click, i love my eldest lad but he has never needed me, maybe he has and just didnt say it !!!!!
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I always felt that my mum preferred my brother as he fitted into the kind of things they thought we should be doing which was mainly academic.
My grades were never bad and I was never in any trouble but against a brother who got straight A's all the way through, first for his degree and has just finished his Phd I felt could never really compare as I wanted a life.
As they used to say, if I worked as hard as he did I could have had the grades that he did but I wanted a balance with working for a living, doing my voluntary and charity work, outdoor pursuits, RAF cadets etc...
They showed scant interest in anything I did, more being discouraging, which wasn't academic.
I wasn't allowed to go to the school or college I wanted as there was a more academic option. I wanted to go into mental health nursing or be a paramedic but that was a banned subject as I was told I was going to uni.
She told me that she knew she wouldn't miss me when I went to uni but that she was in floods of tears leaving my brother. She said as she was used to me not being around, wonder why!
Saying that, it's me who has my mum up for days out and to stay and takes her so see and do things she has always wanted to etc... In the last year or so I've taken her on Concorde which she loves, to Strictly Come Dancing and Dancing on Ice Live, Matthew Bourne's Nutcracker to name a few and we're going to see her all time favourite Elton John in a few months.
My grades were never bad and I was never in any trouble but against a brother who got straight A's all the way through, first for his degree and has just finished his Phd I felt could never really compare as I wanted a life.
As they used to say, if I worked as hard as he did I could have had the grades that he did but I wanted a balance with working for a living, doing my voluntary and charity work, outdoor pursuits, RAF cadets etc...
They showed scant interest in anything I did, more being discouraging, which wasn't academic.
I wasn't allowed to go to the school or college I wanted as there was a more academic option. I wanted to go into mental health nursing or be a paramedic but that was a banned subject as I was told I was going to uni.
She told me that she knew she wouldn't miss me when I went to uni but that she was in floods of tears leaving my brother. She said as she was used to me not being around, wonder why!
Saying that, it's me who has my mum up for days out and to stay and takes her so see and do things she has always wanted to etc... In the last year or so I've taken her on Concorde which she loves, to Strictly Come Dancing and Dancing on Ice Live, Matthew Bourne's Nutcracker to name a few and we're going to see her all time favourite Elton John in a few months.
My brother ended up hardly communicating with her and she still finds it's often like getting blood out of a stone. He's planning on moving to Canada so guess there will be even less contact then.
I got to the point where I realised that there's not a lot I could change when it came to my parents so I either turned bitter or got over it and made something out of what I did have.
I was with her when my nan, he rmum passed away and was the one there for her, my brother didn't even come to see her before she died. My aunt, her sister, said to me on the quiet that I should have heard my mum talk about me and how she had said I'm her best friend.
Strange how things turn out :)
I got to the point where I realised that there's not a lot I could change when it came to my parents so I either turned bitter or got over it and made something out of what I did have.
I was with her when my nan, he rmum passed away and was the one there for her, my brother didn't even come to see her before she died. My aunt, her sister, said to me on the quiet that I should have heard my mum talk about me and how she had said I'm her best friend.
Strange how things turn out :)
I just got to thinking that I would do what I could in spite of her and without needing her approval. If anything, it made me stronger and more independant and able to do so many things.
There are much worse examples I could give but having been able to readjust my idea of what a mother and daughter relationship should be like I still get something good.
Mum is funny about her family as well and for years I didn't see many of them. Eventually I stopped asking mum for her permission and just went.
After nan died I vowed not to let us all just drift off again and have seen more of my family and kept in touch with others since and I feel a much stronger family bond because of it and nan would have loved that, we all have a special bond of a wonderful nan.
Mum has been invited to things like christenings and parties and such but she never goes so I go on my own if I can and am so so glad I made the effort to keep in touch. I always tell mum their news and pass on addresses and such so she can get in touch if she wants.
I think I came to the conclusion I have to make my own way and am very glad I did :)
There are much worse examples I could give but having been able to readjust my idea of what a mother and daughter relationship should be like I still get something good.
Mum is funny about her family as well and for years I didn't see many of them. Eventually I stopped asking mum for her permission and just went.
After nan died I vowed not to let us all just drift off again and have seen more of my family and kept in touch with others since and I feel a much stronger family bond because of it and nan would have loved that, we all have a special bond of a wonderful nan.
Mum has been invited to things like christenings and parties and such but she never goes so I go on my own if I can and am so so glad I made the effort to keep in touch. I always tell mum their news and pass on addresses and such so she can get in touch if she wants.
I think I came to the conclusion I have to make my own way and am very glad I did :)
Jenna, I sort of know where you're coming from. My sis was a good student. She didn't get outstanding grades - just good, and she went on into a career of sorts.
She always had a nice house, a good job and a good salary and was always held up to me as an example. My failure to do likewise was very much emphasised, I felt. I especially remember, when I told them I was pregnant (eight months after my wedding, btw), mum turned to sis and said "isn't she a sod?" This was because sis had chosen to stay childless and because I had been a 'troublesome' child (I cried a lot and was clumsy) to mum, who thus didn't think much to kids either (although she adores my boys).
Like you, Jenna, the tables have turned. Sis has been divorced twice, has a new fella and now has little time for mum, which mum resents. It's a bit of a pain when I'm the one who gets called out to her in the middle of night because she's fallen off the bed or whatever, and sometimes I still feel Mum won't take advice unless it's from sis, but I don't feel quite the pariah I used to.
Still difficult to live with, though.
She always had a nice house, a good job and a good salary and was always held up to me as an example. My failure to do likewise was very much emphasised, I felt. I especially remember, when I told them I was pregnant (eight months after my wedding, btw), mum turned to sis and said "isn't she a sod?" This was because sis had chosen to stay childless and because I had been a 'troublesome' child (I cried a lot and was clumsy) to mum, who thus didn't think much to kids either (although she adores my boys).
Like you, Jenna, the tables have turned. Sis has been divorced twice, has a new fella and now has little time for mum, which mum resents. It's a bit of a pain when I'm the one who gets called out to her in the middle of night because she's fallen off the bed or whatever, and sometimes I still feel Mum won't take advice unless it's from sis, but I don't feel quite the pariah I used to.
Still difficult to live with, though.
Glad to hear I'm not alone (well you know what I mean :)).
I still do feel it in that part of me wonders what I could be doing now which may be far more fulfilling to me.
I do enjoy my job, it has it's bad days but I do enjoy it, at 29 I'm a partner and run my own department so I've done OK and like to think I'm good at what I do. My brother remains an eternal student :)
I feel a bit ungrateful sometimes in that having gone through a law degree and law school and all the training, hard work and sacrifice that I do wonder about doing something more altruistic. I miss the kind of work I used to do which involved helping people.
I still fear my parents' reaction if I told them I wanted to change career though, especially to something less academic! It sounds daft seeing it but I think their expectations will always be there in the background.
I remember a family wedding when I was introduced as part of the top tableas.....a lawyer and I felt like screaming that there was more to me than that!!!
I've really been missing that side of things recently so have sent off for some info on volunteering opportunities so I can have more of a balance.
I still do feel it in that part of me wonders what I could be doing now which may be far more fulfilling to me.
I do enjoy my job, it has it's bad days but I do enjoy it, at 29 I'm a partner and run my own department so I've done OK and like to think I'm good at what I do. My brother remains an eternal student :)
I feel a bit ungrateful sometimes in that having gone through a law degree and law school and all the training, hard work and sacrifice that I do wonder about doing something more altruistic. I miss the kind of work I used to do which involved helping people.
I still fear my parents' reaction if I told them I wanted to change career though, especially to something less academic! It sounds daft seeing it but I think their expectations will always be there in the background.
I remember a family wedding when I was introduced as part of the top tableas.....a lawyer and I felt like screaming that there was more to me than that!!!
I've really been missing that side of things recently so have sent off for some info on volunteering opportunities so I can have more of a balance.
Good for you. I was never a high flyer, but I did get me a degree (which the family thought was a waste of time at 36), which is far above sis' three poxy o'level passes (I know have six), so what with that, my two fantastic kids and my 29 year marriage, I know who's got the better end of the deal.
Now I tell my kids there's nothing they can't achieve - but only if they want to!
Now I tell my kids there's nothing they can't achieve - but only if they want to!
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