Loooooonely at freshers' week :(

[lovefoolb4u]

hey

I've just started my fresher's week in a brand new city, and I feel totally alone. I get on quite well with my flatmates, but I'm having trouble properly opening up to them and coming out of my shell. They all have a laugh together, flirt etc, and I'm the only one that isn't quite at ease. I smile a lot, and I'm nice and friendly, but I haven't quite got to the point where I'm totally being myself.

I just feel so so boring and uptight, not to mention completely alone and isolated. people are obsessed with getting drunk, and although i do like going for a night out, i can't stand the thought of people only getting on with me because i'm pished! i miss having genuine friends.

I'm meeting people on my course today. what should I do to give a good impression?

[what..the?]

I was thinking about people starting uni only this morning on the way into work I saw the signs up to direct new students to the correct buildings and it really took me back to my uni days 5 years ago.

I loved being a fresher I unfortunatley missed the first week of uni as I was abroad at my brothers wedding. I was very concerned about joining late and being behind in getting to know everyone esp with my history of struggling making friends at school because I always moved house and joined school 2 years after everyone else, I knew what starting late can mean when making friends.

But I found it an amazing first year I first moved into a flat where they all smoked and as my bedroom was next to the kitchen/lounge area all the smoke would come into my room, the flat was also mainly men and some women who were not my type of friend ...I think they came across rather bitchy.

So I was told I could move door to the next flat, it turned out they smoked too but I liked them alot more, we all had a laugh as soon as we met.

I would say really the key is to relax and take it easy really uni in the first year is not so much about working and studying but getting into the lifestyle becoming dependant and making new friends. Alot of people take the first year too easy and dont work at all but you have to find a happy medium, you can still find time to work even when your out most nights. My worry for you is if you dont loosen up quick enough you will be considered a bit square and stereo typed you dont want that, you wont shift it once it sticks.

So try and relax around them have run, really get envolved when someone suggests something to do, a place to visit etc jump on board and they will know you are up for a laugh, the more time u spend getting envolved the more you will bond with people and fit in, you dont want to be the one in the back ground.

[nannon]

Ah just be yourself! And keep in mind that probbaly 85% or the people you meet are feeling the same!
It can be a lonely time to try to throw yourself into as many things as possible - even of you dont carry on doing them its good to give things a try! You'll meet so many different kinds of people, some you'll like some you wont!

Keep being nice and friendly and smiley, you'll soon grow a very good bond with you housemates i'm sure! And you dont have to go out and get drunk! You can go out with them, but maybe only stay for an hour or so, no need to drink and rather than saying your going home, just say your meeting some other friends etc....Dont turn into something your not for the sake of making friends - it will never be worth it!
Your can have friends that you do go drinking with, friends you stay in withm friends you go the cinema with - why not join some clubs that you are interested in?

Leaving home and starting Uni is a huge step - and very daunting! I remember leaving my little village being dropped of in Bristol and thinking "What the bl00dy hell am i supposed to do now??" But it will get easier - and never be afraid to tell others your feeling daunted/homesick/isolated - chances are they will be feeling exactly the same way!!!

[turkey154]

I felt exactly this way last year.

And trust me, EVERYONE feels exactly the same as you do right now. Don't worry what people think of you, just be yourself and you will be fine.

Nerves are completely normal. And if i was to offer you any advice after finishing my first year.

DO EVERYTHING!!

It doesn't matter if you talk to someone when your a little bit drunk, if a drink gives you that confidence to talk to people it doesn't matter. Obviously don't get absolutely bladdered but you get my drift.

Remember, your a student, so act like one! lol

hope you have a fantastic week, and don't be scared!

[Scarlett]

PLEASE don't worry!! Everyone feels like this, and most are only drinking because it makes socialising initially so much easily. You WILL make amazing friends, but it takes a bit of time. You'll make pals through sharing experiences on the course, not necessarily how drunk you get in Freshers week. If i recall, most of my friends I didn't even meet in Freshers week, and everyone went around with completely different people initially than when the course got underway! Keep being smiley and nice and interested in other people- ask them questions, everyone likes that! And it means you can listen and nod and make friends that way. You will open up, but you are just a bit more reserved, that's all. I'm the same.
Stick with it- real friends take time to make and maintain. Do have a drink and go to all the events, even if you don't feel like it, and just try and have fun- that's why you're there. But do be assured that everyone is feeling as anxious as you, and missing home, but they are just covering it up!

[jno]

sounds like you are in fact being yourself. Everyone else is out getting drunk which is either being themselves or being idiots. No rush to join them. You'll get on better once the academic year starts and you've accustomed yourself to your new surroundings (this is a big change in your way of life, after all). Go to lectures, join a few clubs, and relax. There are years ahead of you; enjoy them. (As well as studying, of course.)

[Tups]

Hopefully, tetjam was joking! All the rest of the advice is spot on. Don't be afraid to go out and have a couple of drinks but don't think you've got to have more than you are comfortable with. As long as you don't get on your high horse about how other people conduct themselves, no decent person will mock you for not getting drunk. You can join in with the laughter and fun without the 'help' of too much booze. And yes, be patient. Rome wasn't built in a day and you can't expect to have a new way of life all mapped out for you the first day - or week or month. This is a time to get to know everyone well enough to be able to pick the right friends to hang out with later. Enjoy yourself and don't take too long to get into the habit of doing enough work. Find the right balance and enjoy it. (Remember too you'll be on a budget and don't want to be paying back loans spent on too many boozey nights out, like the idiots will!)

[lovefoolb4u]

these answers all (bar one :P) made me feel SO much better!

thank you! :)

[weggiewabbit]

I remember when I started - it was rather bewildering. I bet you'll feel different in just a couple of weeks. When Christmas approached I didn't want to go home, and couldn't wait for the next term to start!

I wish I could go back and re-live those three years.