Visiting sick relative

[magentared]

I have a friend and her Gt nan is very sick and they have been told to prepare for the worst, she is very upset as they were quite close. Her sister is going to go visit sometime soon, my friend is unsure whether to go along too, she wants to see her Gt nan as it may be the last chance she has but she is frightened to go see her when she is so sick. I was wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation as her, what advice would you give?

[Mr.Ix]

I would go. There is nothing worse than regret. Also bear in mind that her Gt Nan may want to see her as well, but obvioulsy can't make the journey the other way.

[RevShirls]

I think your friend should go to see her as she may regret it later if she doesn't get the chance to see her.

Is her gt nan being cared for at home or in hospital/nursing-home? Nowadays, pain is controlled very well by health-care professionals. Your friend should just act naturally when she goes to see her and just follow her instinct. You haven't mentioned whether her gt nan is  unconscious, or asleep all the time. If she is the best thing to do is for your friend to hold/stroke her hand and tell her that she is there. It is good that her sister will be with her.

[Miss Zippy]

I think your friend should go. I understand it will be upsetting for her to see her nan when she is so ill, but your friend should think of what her nan would want, which I�m sure is a visit from her loved ones.  Many people whose loved ones were taken away suddenly probably wish most that they had a chance to see and speak to them one last time, which your friend has. 

[kick3m0n]

Can only echo other posts.  When my Gran became very ill towards the end of her life, she was in hospital for a period of weeks. Perhaps my situation was slightlydifferent from your friends, as I did see my Grans health gradually decline until she died.  However, she had a severe stroke, and we knew she wouldn't be with us much longer.  I took some time to go in one evening after school (I was 18) when no one else was visiting.  Even though Gran wasn't too aware (as far as we know) of who was there, I just sat with her for a while, and held her hand, chatting away as I usually did.  When it was time to leave, I gave her a hug and a kiss and told her I loved her.  I wasn't certain it was the last time I'd see her, but if it was to be, I had said all I needed to say and if she could hear me, she knew how I felt about her.  Gran died the following day.  Despite watching her gradual decline, this is not how I remember her.  I remember the fiesty wee lady that I knew as I was growing up.  I think your friend should go.  Seeing her ill may well be upsetting, but this upset will not last. Not seeing her at all to say goodbye could be the kind of upset that lasts a lifetime.  I wsh your friend and her Gt nan well. x

[FP]

I agree with all the other postings.   We are very frightened of death and dying in this country.  It is such a shame.  I really do think that where countries still have the tradition of people coming to the sick person's bedside is wonderful for both the sick person and the friends and relatives.  Dying is part of life and although very sad we should not be frightened. 

I spent a long time with my father when he was dying and will never regret being there to hold his hand and to tell him how much I loved him.

[keen2learn]

Same as everyone else. Go, go, go. Being with someone who is dying is not scary at all, as your friend will find out if she can pluck up the courage to go. The idea is much worse than the reality. Not only will it help her to accept her Gt nan's death in due course, withtout feeling guilty, but it will help her to deal with similar situations in the future.

[smudge]

We had been in Cyprus two days, when I received a phone call to tell me my Father had died. We were away for the week-end, when my mobile rang to tell me my Mother had died.

If I could turn back the clock, or had one wish, it would be to have been with Mum & Dad when they died. I know it was meant to be that way, but regret is an awful thing that never leaves you.

Having said that, when leaving them after a visit, I always cuddled them & told them I loved them.