oldest sons responsibilties

[alan47]

The mum is having a few problems, she's 75. Dad died a few years ago. There's me...the only son left and my two sisters.

What should I be doing for the immediate future, preparation wise? Thanks in anticipation. 

[smudge]

Sorry Alan, what do you mean preparation wise? Do you mean for her future care at home. or in a home?

[Lindylou]

All according what sort of problems your mum is experiencing.  Health?  Coping at home?  You could always make an appointment with her GP to discuss health problems and request some help from your local Social Services Dept., for help at home.  All sorts available, from assistance with shopping/cleaning to help with 'Personal Care' tasks.  Have you thought of Meals on Wheels or contacting Wiltshire Farm Foods who supply frozen individual meals.  Good Luck!

[Robinia]

As smudge says more details if possible would help.  Are you feeling as the oldest & male that you have to take charge?  I'm sure that if you sat down with your sisters & talked you could all take a part in your mum's welfare.  No matter how much you love your mum (or any relative) resentment can quickly set in where one of you either feels overwhelmed or left out.

Sorry this isn't much help yet, do get back to us.

[alan47]

What I mean is if she is dying or dies. I want to do the right thing. I appreciate what Robinia says...resentment is the last thing I want

[smudge]

Alan - I did want to mention in my first post: "Do you mean for her future care at home, or in a home, or for when the inevitable happens?"- but I didn't like to.

Now you've mentioned the latter, I can say this: Before my parents died, I actually asked them (in a casual conversation of course), whether they preferred burial or cremation. Once they'd confirmed their individual preferences to me, I passed this info onto my siblings, who were happy to carry out their wishes, when the time came.

Perhaps you could ask your two sisters over for a cup of tea & a chat, then casually get on to the subject of Mum & whatever is troubling you. Good luck.

[Robinia]

Alan it still sounds as though you feel alone in this & understandably a little afraid. I lost my mum 3yrs ago & it's hard when you have to 'swap roles' & suddenly you have to take charge when it's been the other way round. Hopefully your mum is already receiving any medical treatment that she needs. Have you reason to believe that she is seriously ill? If so, as I (& smudge) have already said you need to talk to your sisters  - they may know more about your mum & her wishes than you think. We women talk a lot you know!  Maybe you could ask her GP or staff at the hospital if there's any help/support available for you if you are finding things difficult.  The key word here is ask - unfortunately no one throws help at you, either practical or emotional.

Try not to dwell on things alone, the best thing you can do for your mum is to stay strong.