Can't eat in certain company

[rmaryt]

I seem to have a strange problem & it is causing me a lot of worry.  It first happened about 10 years ago & hasn't happened since - until now.  I've recently made friends with a girl (my own age) who I get on with really well & who is quite a lonely person having recently been dumped by her husband.  I've been trying to encourage her to get involved in some things & she's become one of my circle of friends.  However, we went out for a pizza one night, just for a chat & I found that I got really anxious & got a really tight feeling in my stomach & couldn't eat.  I actually began to feel sick & had to stop eating halfway through the meal & pretend that I was full.  As I said it did happen me before, again with someone I was good friends with, but who was a lot older than me & in fact had children my age, but we got on really well.  I actually worked with her & we went out for lunch quite often, usually in a group, but sometimes just the 2 of us & on those occasions, I got that same sickness & knot in my stomach.  I don't know why this is happening & don't know how to stop it.  I don't have any problem normally eating & can go out with other friends alone or in groups & am fine, but I seem to get really nervous with some people.  Am I some kind of weirdo??  Can anyone suggest a way of overcoming this, without breaking the friendship, cos this girl really needs friends right now. Ta

[SGKelloe32]

You haven’t mentioned whether you find either of these women attractive, because this happens to me but only when I first start seeing someone I really like – I find it impossible to eat in front of them until I’m 100% comfortable with them.

Its weird and I don’t know why I cant eat in front of them but all I can put it down to is nervousness!!

[antony mizen]

You've given the perfect description of a panic attack. Pick up a leaflet at your hospital for more details. Panic attacks strike in different ways - some people feel they are going to faint, vomit, scream, drop dead with a heart attack etc. You're not a weirdo - lots of people get them. Eventually, they fade if you relax and know that they can't harm you. I hope this helps. 

[rmaryt]

Antony, thanks for your helpful answer - it certainly does feel panicky, but I can't understand why it only happens sometimes.  SGKelloe asked me if I was attracted to these women, but I don't have lesbian tendancies - the girl I'm talking about is certainly attractive, but I don't feel anything but friendship & concern for her.

[dimmy]

dude your normal!

i wouldn't go as far as to say it was a panic attack but i'm no expert. i'v had that feeling a few times and never thought it was a panic attack. either way i have that feeling too. i got it when i fell for my last girlfriend just thinking about her made me go like that and in front of her i felt kink i could be sick any minute after attempting to eat half what i had on my plate. but then it went when i found out she liked me too. i'm starting to have that problem now with a new girl i like. i just try to think about positive things and take my mind off of her being there or how i feel about her it helps a bit.

but trust me it's normal. i get a bit like it before i go on holiday it's nerves or excitment. it's natural.

[KittyGlitter]

The brain and stomach work very closely, I know that if I'm nervous my appetite will suddenly go. You are not wierd! Everyone has their insecurities/funny moments but they just don't talk about them. Perhaps you could just go out casually for a drink with your friend where you have the option to eat or not, so you can play it by ear. For example, sit in a bar with a bar menu and your friend can order food and if you wish, you could order 'nibbly' food. The pressure is then off for you soley going out to eat. You can still be friends with her without having to eat out as there are plenty of other things you could do together - cinema, shopping, walking, days out etc. Don't add to your concerns about worrying what SHE thinks about you not going out to eat. Are there any similarities with these two women who make you nervous? What is it about them that cause you to feel that way?

[FP]

You are absolutely normal.  It's anxiety and panic.  The trouble is now that you associate eating and feeling sick and ill with this girl and the first time it happened.  You will have to get your mind to reprogram itself. It can be done.  Try meeting her in a different environment where there is no food available.  Take some long deep breaths when you start feeling this nervousness coming on.  Believe me loads of people suffer like this.

[FP]

Sorry Kitty, I didn't read right through your posting and have posted something very similar.  Great mind think alike!

[willow74]

i wouldnt concentrate on making it a big deal because the more you focus on these two experiences the more of an issue you will make it.

It may not even of been a panic attack and just simply two occaisions where you were tired or had other things on your mind, something you wernt even concious of.

The best anti-anxiety tip whilst eating out is to avoid caffeine at all costs - tea, coffee and chocolate. People with high levels of anxiety appear to be more susceptible to the actions of caffeine

An old folk remedy is chamomile tea to reduce anxiety and also St Johns Wort supplements from a health food shop. 

[rmaryt]

Thanks to everyone for your help & advice - I'm just hoping it is anxiety & really I can see no comparison between the 2 people it has happened with.  I'll try not involving food for a while & see if that helps & maybe skip the caffeine too!!  Its good to know that I'm not some sort of freak, so thanks for that too.

[5029]

Another common trait of panic attacks is association.  eg if you have one in a certain restaurant, then the next time you try and go back to the same restaurant, the same thing may happen.  You could explain to the girl if she is a good friend and suggest a drink or a takeaway instead

[yeahyeahyeah]

Well U ain't wierd! And i don't think its a panic attack! Just nerves maybe. Hope it goes away! Goodluck chick x  

[Miss Zippy]

I don�t think it�s anything extreme as a panic attack, just sounds like you were a bit nervous and anxious to me.  Were you perhaps trying too hard as these were new friends and you were worrying that you won�t have enough in common to talk about?  That�s only natural when you don�t know people too well.  I used to get that when I ate out with work clients for the first few times.  I didn�t know them well and I would get nervous that I would run out of things to say or say something stupid (once talk moved from work to more general things) and this would put me off my food!  It was hardly a panic attack though, I just used to feel nervous and feel under pressure to make a good impression the same way as I would in a job interview. I think that is what �s happening with you.

[ursula62]

Everyone is worried about eating in front of strangers to some extent.

I used to work with a manager who would take potential recruits out to lunch at a chinese restaurant that would only give you chopsticks to eat with... if they lived through that without dropping dinner down their best suit then he would offer them a job!