Do I have a problem?

[milly1984]

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 3 years. Last year we had a few problems, he use to get really stressed and he lied about a few things which some people may think are quite small things, but the fact I found out off his friend that he lied hurt me so much. He'd lied about things for most of 2004. He got upset saying he lied in fear that I'd leave him if I knew the truth etc. We are still together and I do love him but I get so paranoid at every little thing now when I'm not with him thinking he's telling his little lies again, and I also get really jealous if I find out he's been speaking to another girl. I think maybe that is because one of the things he lied about was going round to a girls house. She is married with a child so I trust that he didn't cheat, they have been friends for years but I hate that he lied about seeing her! I feel like sometimes I could just break down in tears, I did do when I first found out and so did he, and I wonder if it's worth us being together. Things are good between us right now, but it's always playing in the back of my mind. He is not the cheating type at all I know that, but I thought I knew him better and could trust him and to find things out which I was totally unaware about hurt me alot. Can anyone please help?

[purification]

Milly:

I think the previous posts were a little harsh. Some people use this site to let out a few build ups and hang ups they have. I wouldnt expect a person who's had couselling to relay all details to those they had spoken about in a session, and I feel you we're just opening up to your own insecurities. I think you were searching for a way to understand how you were feeling and it does often help if you write down how you feel that way you can see it in black and white. It also helps to get an opinion from those not involved in your own life. An objective opinion. Sometimes you just need a slap round the face to sort yourself out.

I don't think you're making mountains out of mole hills. I think you are mis-calculating the proportion of some of the things but none the less they are still problems to you and problems are problems no matter what the size!

 We all have relationship problems from time to time and as long as you can work through it as a couple you'll be fine! It's a bumpy road but the bumps makes the good times all the more enjoyable! lol ;)

[milly1984]

Thank you purification, that is a very helpful answer. You are right, every relationship has it's problems. I think I let things get to me more in this instance because we are planning a future together and being female I want things to be 'perfect'.

I have learnt a lot from what has happened, and we do understand each other now on a much more deeper level. So at least some good has come out of the bad. Hopefully with time I can put all this behind me for good and never think about it again! Well, that's the plan anyway!

[lucyshandbag]

without knowing the ins and outs, it's hard to advise you, but i have just come out of a 2 year relationship with a liar, mostly about little things, but although i doubted everything he told me, i let it go and believed that i was paranoid, as he told me.  now we have been finished for 7 weeks and i have found out a lot about who he really is, i wasn't paranoid, he was lying all the way through, and not only about little things.  i think you have to go with your gut instinct on this one hun, if i'd have done that in the first place i wouldn't have wasted 2 years of my life on a loser. trust is vital, not only for a relationship, but for your sanity.  deep down, your instincts are telling you what to do, you just have to be brave enough to listen to them, either way.  good luck.x

[Englishbird]

You can never change someone else's behaviour milly, only yourself and how you react to things.  You need to build up your self-confidence and find out who you are.  You can never be truely happy in a relationship until you are happy in yourself.

I think maybe you are looking for things that are wrong - do you think that you don't deserve a good relationship? That you're not good enough?

Your boyfriend is not perfect, he will never be perfect, he will do things wrong, but it's not a personal attack on you and you can't feel that it undermines you whenever he does something wrong.

If you have discussed it and he has promised to be truthful then you have to trust him and take him at his word otherwise there's no point continuing.  Don't go looking for problems, life throws enough at us anyway.

I do understand as i have suffered from deep rooted insecurity and lack of self esteem for nearly all my life. But i'm slowly learning to change.  If I knew at 20 what I know now ....

Good luck. x

[peters cute]

hey men will be man some times u gotta trust them i know that u might be scared of what he might do like tell lies again but i think that the best thing in a relationship is trust and if u fing out that he has bin lising to u agin just leave him he aint gd enough for u hope its all right know tho

[Bottom]

hi milly, please dont take this wrong way but, before christmas i think you put a question on your partner lieing about smoking? I think the reason your partner is lieing is because maybe your over powering or just some one who is highly strang, If I was you I would forget all about this and move on, Its not any think serious so drop it, enjoy your relationship.