Relationship problems.

[ChocolatChip]

First off, I have to admit that I am a bit of an attention seeker, and find it very difficult to be ignored. I feel it is because I have been suffering with Clinical depression, anxiety, and quite a few other mental health difficulties.
I have been with my partner for about a year, and a month ago we decided to take a step further in our relationship and move in together. I absolutely love being with him, and he is pretty much my everything. When I'm with him he makes me feel the luckiest woman alive, so special and wanted.
But the thing is, is that I struggle with him not talking to me or not being close to me. He quite often plays video games or watches television. Now, I don't feel I'm being over the top, because it's constant, he's either at work, watching television or playing video games. He tells me off (lightly) for trying to talk when he is doing so.
He won't open up to me, or talk to me about anything. It's so difficult for me, because I need the support, and not him to back away. He tells me that it's his escape route from his/mine/our problems, which is fair enough, and I can understand why he'd want to switch off. (Because I'm one of these people who can't.)

Like for example today, he went in to the nearest city centre to do some shopping, I asked him to get me some ice cream (bit odd, I know.) But later he text me saying that he was going to the cinema afterwards. So therefore couldn't get me any ice cream. I know it's petty, but it hurt.
I guess I just need some tips on how to talk to him, or how others would approach this. Don't waste your time telling me to leave him, because that's not a possibility. I love him, and want to stay with him.
Sorry it's so long, and thanks.

[banned-dot]

he's a loner, inconsiderate and selfish, so pretty notmal for a guy, start buying your own ice-cream, let it dawn on him you can manage without him and his lack of attention, he will grow up soom and realise he needs you and it takes effort.

[marabout]

do you work? have you got a hobby?..one in the house ie..cross-stitch,crosswords..housework!..and oneeee hobby away from the home..dog walking..swimming ..night school?...we all need time -out.need time to recoupe,breath............just because 2 people are in love...they dont have to be with each other all the time. my fella and i live 100miles apart! we see each other twice a week..i never have to ask him to do anything for me,or him me...we do it automactically..not bored with each others company,or listening to the boring daily moans of sympathy,or the "do you still love me" routines. count yourself lucky! you are living together,he must love you...at the end of the day..hes a man! he needs to see you,as you do him,as if it were your first date. ......dont let that ever fade.....

[Louisa 69]

I think you both need to compromise on this . Can't you set aside 2 or 3 nights a week where you both spend time together as a couple. Go out for a meal or the piccies or even a bottle of wine and a DVD. Most folk need something as a form of escapism, obviously it's the computer for your boyfriend.
Another good idea is that when he comes home have your dinner at the table that way you have a chance to talk to him before he switches on the comp.
Hope it works out ok

[ChocolatChip]

Thanks for both of your answers. Two from very different sides of the scale.
Hi Banned- Dot, true enough, that he is a loner. He has had a lot of problems in the past, so he has few friends. And he can be a bit unromantic. But I've got used to it, and that most men just don't think outside the 'un-emotional' box.
The problem is that I'm too dependant on him to even attempt to pretend that I could manage without him. I'm a really terrible weak person. And I'm probably being overly sensitive.

Hi there Triggerhippy, I have got a little bit into the things that he's into, especially like Tv programmes. But games don't really interest me, not the ones he plays anyway.

And yes, even when we lived apart he was the same, I guess it's just more noticable now we live together.
We do have similar interests, especially in food, cinema/films and music. So we quite often go out. Which is really wonderful, and like I said every moment I'm with him, he makes me so special and even needed.

I did infact speak to him about it earlier when he came home from the cinema. But as usual, he walked off, because he was hurt more than anything and went to the bedroom and cried. I hate the fact that whenever I try to talk to him he cries. Because I hate hurting him

[ChocolatChip]

Hi marabout,
I do know where you're coming from, as before he moved in, we also had a long distance relationship. And I'm oh so glad that he made the decision to move here. And at this very moment I'm unemployed, which I hate. And I am desperately looking for work as I hate having nothing to do. I do a lot of housework whenever he's playing video games or working.
I don't really have a hobby outside of the home, I don't really like going out alone, it makes me feel really uncomfortable.

Hi Louisa 69, We have a night out with friends every friday night. But apart from that, no we don't really do much else. I guess it could be an idea, but money's always a problem when it comes to treating yourselves.

[ChocolatChip]

Thanks again Triggerhippy,
As I said I have a lot of problems (clinical depression, anxiety, OCD, EDNOS (Eating disorder not otherwise specified)). Generally I'm a nightmare.
But at the moment I am having therapy treatment. Although have not seen many improvements yet.
Hoping to as you said, improve the way I feel about myself soon. Because I am truly struggling with life generally.

[helliebobs]

chocolatchip, I recently split up with my husband who sounds just like your partner. He would keep all his problems bottled up and try and deal with them himself which left me feeling very alone in the relationship as I am quite an emotional person and you can always tell if i'm ****** off, I don't hide it well. It turned out he was unhappy in our relationship but waited until I was 8 months pregnant and we had a huge row before I managed to get that out of him. As a result we split up and I'm now bringing up our son on my own.
If you love him and you want to stay with him, unfortunately you may have to just try and accept how he is. I tried with my husband and it ultimately ended in tears, I suppose I couldn't carry on the relationship knowing he was always going to be unemotional and cold.
Good luck, I hope it works out for you.

[ChocolatChip]

Hi there helliebobs,
Wow, that's such a shame. And yes, that sounds quite a lot like me and my partner. I can't hide how I'm feeling, so he always knows when there's something wrong. I do sometimes ask him if he is happy in the relationship, and if he wants to leave. He promises me everytime that he loves me endlessly and couldn't and wouldn't live without me. Even though sometimes I can't believe it.
He's not always unemotional towards me, like I said he always tells me he loves me, and even sometimes he'll cry in front of me. So I do sometimes know how he's feeling, but rarely. So it's difficult for me, since I'm so very very emotional.

[jimmy654]

The problem here seems to be your very high maintenance and he's no maintenance man. I don't think he has a problem and neither do you but that doesn't mean your good together. EDNOS are a serious thing and that should be a separate thing altogether to deal with
http://www.eatingdisordersonline.com/explain/e dnos.php