Family Problem

[sooz07]

My gran hasn't contacted me in over 7 months due to many family problems and I have left home to live my own life. She is now going to Mecca and has been calling me to go over and see her before she goes away. She has had plenty of chances and ways to contact me before but hasn't bothered but now that she is going away she can called me. The only reason why I would go it to give her, my so called uncle and aunt a piece of my mind tell them how they have messed my family up, everyone is arguing and hate each other. I have been told I have been taken out of my gran's will. Should I go and see her and tell how them how I feel? Should I ignore their calls? How can she expect me to see her after she hasn't bothered for so long herself? The last time I spoke to them it was in bad taste - everyone was shouting, swearing, threatening etc.

[redcrx]

rather than go to her and get stuck in the middle of another shouting match have you considered writing to her and explaining exactly why you dont want to see her?

that way you get to calmly get across your feelings and she doesnt get to see you either.

It may be that by dealing with things calmly in this way she may write to you with her reply

[bednobs]

you could look at it another way. presumaly you haven't contacted her in this time either, so she is now being the bigger person by wanting t get in contact with you to make it up. okay, its been some time, but for whatever reason, she is reaching out to you now.

[teddybon]

perhaps she will return from Mecca a better person?

[DaisyMae]

It is always so sad when families fall out. This person is your grandmother, your flesh and blood. She is making a dangerous journey to Mecca, have you thought about just how you would feel if she didn' t make it back?

Go to her, swallow your pride and be nice. You have both taken it too far, it has been too long, you need to make peace between you before she leaves for both your sakes.

[sooz07]

The reason why I haven't contacted her is because she hates my dad, blames him for everything when she should be blaming my mum, my so called uncle and herself. She is a nasty person. She doesn't speak to more than half of her kids anymore, she treated them like rubbish, violence was used. She goes to Mecca every year or so and she is still the horrible person when she comes back she doesn't learn her lesson. She is only contacting me because she wants something. She knows where I work etc why didn't she bother before? I don't think I will be going to see her and won't be speak to her. But thanks for your advice.

[daffy654]

It makes no difference whether this person is flesh and blood DaisyMae,that doesn't make her a nice person.

sooz,if you don't want anything to do with your grandmother then just ignore her request to see you.You know her and what she is likely to be up to in asking you to visit whereas we don't. I have similar issues with my mum and other family members and it causes more problems than it solves when I have to be in the same room as any of them.Live your own life in peace without the hassle from your gran.

[keyplus90]

As you said that she is going to Mecca so I recon you are Muslim. I am from Pakistan myself and Muslim so please let me tell you few things. First of all just by going to Mecca a person does not become nice automatically. A person should be truthful and honest in day to day life. Unfortunately many people believe that when you go for Hajj or Umrah then all your sins are washed away. That does not mean you can do bad things only for this reason that after that I would go and wash them. This concept might be in any other religions but not in Islam.

Now towards real problem, Is she the mother of your father or mother? I think you should go and see her when no one else is present. Listen to her and tell her about your own feelings. If she does not like your father then why does she wants to speak to you? May be there are few things you can do to patch up the differences between her and your father. There is difference in thinking in Western and Eastern family life. If you are a family and living together then there would be disagreements as well as agreements, advantages as well as disadvantages.

But if you have already made up your mind about not seeing her then I don�t think anyone can do anything and even your question here does not make any sense.

[Ice.Maiden]

I think you should go and be the calm in th storm, sooz. The rest might follow your example then.

[sooz07]

Keyplus90. My question is clear other people have been able to help me and give me some advice. She is my mother's mother. She goes to Mecca but doesn't change her ways so what is the point in her going? She is only trying to contact me because she is going away to ease her guilty conscience but when she comes back things will be the same as before. My so called family are hard work, nothing is simple, no one gets on with each other, I am better off without them.

[trish432]

Don`t go unless you really want to, sometimes families are better off apart.
I really believe in the saying " You can pick your friends, you can`t pick your relations"

[Ice.Maiden]

You can't make people like certain others, whether it's between family members or not, but we were always taught at home to respect others' opinions and then to offer our own if necessary. There was no shouting or arguments. I do this now with my own children, explaining that we all see things in different ways, but that there's no need for any unpleasantness. I don't see the point of giving your aunt and uncle a piece of your mind sooz - it just perpetuates bad feeling. Either go, and try to behave well, or leave them all to it.

[terambulan]

If u r, as keyplus suggests, asian and muslim then you have cultural responsibilities and are invoking 'shame' for your family within their community. This is quite dangerous for you.

Most young asians are committed to arranged marriages to someone in India or Pakistan thus opening the door for another family to enter UK. If you avoid this custom you will never be welcome in same community.

[terambulan]

keyplus90 This concept might be in any other religions but not in Islam.

Christians who make penance and seek forgiveness of sins are NOT accepted to repeat sinning....if they do, the belief is that the sins are hundred-fold and will have to be judged at their lifes-end.

[sooz07]

terambulan - I'm sorry but what does arranged marriages have to do with my question? It is them that have put shame on the family with what they have done not me. Even if I did want to go and see them they probably wouldn't let me through the door! I don't what they are capable of! I am better off without them and getting involved. Thanks for you you suggestions anyway.

[tufty7]

Sooz, Life is far too short , if she is a horrid person well it won't matter a jot whether she is flesh and blood or not move on with your life , threats of writing you out of the will etc etc etc its all poppycock , just move on ,

yet another case of religion causing problems , going to a place of worship whether a church, mosque or hall , it will not make you a good person , kindness comes from the heart and if you are bitter and twisted then thats the way she is , move on with your life .........