Percy: I must say, Edmund, it was jolly nice of you to ask me to share your breakfast before the rigors of the day begin.
Edmund: Well, it is said, Percy, that civilized man seeks out good and intelligent company, so that, through learned discourse, he may rise above the savage and closer to God.
Percy: Yes, I've heard that.
Edmund: Personally, however, I like to start the day with a total ******** to remind me I'm best.
Percy: Pishroomie, Edmund! You're in good fooling this morning.
Edmund: Don't say `pishroomie', Percy -- only stupid actors say `pishroomie'.
Percy: Oh, I how would love to be an actor! I had a great talent for it in my youth -- I was the man of a thousand faces.
Edmund: How'd you come to choose the ugly mug you've got now, then? [He begins reading a note.]
Percy: Hah hah! Tush, My Lord.
Edmund: ...and don't say `tush', either! It's only a short step from `tush' to `hey nonny nonny'; and then, I'm afraid, I'll shall have to call the police. [Looks at the note once more] Well! God pats me on the head and says, "Good boy, Edmund!"
Percy: My Lord...?
Edmund: My aunt and uncle, Lord and Lady Whiteadder, the two most fanatical puritans in England, have invited themselves to dinner here tonight.
Percy: But aren't they the most frightful bores?
Edmund: Yep, but they have one great redeeming feature -- their wallets. More cerpacious than an elephant's scrotum, and just as difficult to get your hands on...at least until now, for, tonight, they wish to discuss my inheritance. [runs his fingers through his hair]
Percy: [stands quickly] Hey nonny nonny, My Lord! Good news! [he holds out a hand as though expecting Edmund to shake it]
Edmund: [calls] Baldrick!
That along with the great booze up has got to be