Mothers Funeral - Eulogy

[mats01_99]

Hi. My mother passed away suddenly last week (70), I am the only son with 2 older sisters. The funeral will probably be towards the end of next week. I feel that I would be expected to say a few words at the funeral, however I just don't think I could manage it, firstly as I've never been a good public speaker anyway and secondly I'm sure I would get too choked. Is a Eulogy always expected and will people think that I don't care if I don't do it?

[debbz1969]

So sorry for your loss mat. It's a very difficult time for you and your family. Nothing is ever expected, it is down to how you feel. If you don't feel up to saying anything put something down in writing and ask the person, usually vicar, to do it on your behalf. No one will think any less of you, I promise you that. All the best

[Schutzengel]

Mats
So sorry to hear you've lost your mum. A Eulogy is not always expected. If you don't feel up to it, and neither do your sisters, you can discuss, with the minister or person leading the service, the things about your mum that you would like to be said. The person leading the service will visit you at home if asked, and they generally offer to, and you can just talk about your mum and the things she did, and the things she liked. The person will take notes as you talk, and form them into an address which they will then give at the service. This is a comforting and quiet way to do this without any additional stress to the family. My sincere condolences in your loss.

[luxury]

Hi mats01_99,

So sorry to read your sad news.

My husbands mum passed away a yr ago and he wanted to say something but couldn't bring himself too either.

He decided however help carry her coffin.

You'll know what to do on that day.

God strength to you.

[Robinia]

I'm so sorry for your loss mat, I've just recently lost someone close too so I know how you feel about the funeral. It crossed my mind to say something myself but I was glad when the day came that I hadn't chosen to as there was no way I could have done it.
As debbz has suggested write down the things you'd like to have read out by the person who takes the service, that way you'll feel you've been part of it without having the difficulty of standing in front of everyone. As well as the personal thoughts maybe your mum had a poem that she liked, or a particular song that could be played halfway through when people could sit & listen with their own thoughts? All the best.

[coccinelle]

So sorry mats; it's such a sad time and a time which physically hurts. Quite honestly, I've never understood someone who CAN stand up and say a few words at their parents' funerals. At my mother's funeral, I wrote down some words and gave them to my nephew to read out, this way the family was involved. If the vicar didn't know your mother he won't have the feeling behind the words...
My thoughts are with you

[elaine33]

I am so sorry for your sadness. My daddy died earlier this year, I was just devastated. As the vicar did not know my dad, I did not want him to say the usual platitudes, I felt the words should be personal. I wrote what I felt should be said. A copy was given to the vicar to read on my behalf. On the day of the funeral I felt that as I had written the words and they were a personal tribute from me then I should be the one to read them and I did. The vica was ready to step in just in case I could not finish but I did it and I was so pleased that I did. My daddy would have been so proud and everyone at the funeral said it brought them to tears. So, please try and write a personal tribute for your mum and then get someone to speak on your behalf, if not the vicar then one of the church wardens may be happy to do it for you. I do hope the funeral goes well. Your sadness will be around a long time but look to the happy memories and your mum will live forever in your heart.

[smudge]

Very sorry to hear about the loss of your dear Mum mats.

I can understand your reluctance to stand & speak in remembrance of her at the funeral, when you are feeling very sad. You know in your heart that your Mum would understand, so try to keep that in your mind.

My sisters & me were asked whether we wanted to say a few words at our eldest sister's funeral, but none of us could. We left it to two of our brothers, but even one of them broke down & couldn't get all the words out.

As has been mentioned, a nice poem read by the vicar, or music that your Mum liked would be nice.

Take care. -xx-

[sara3]

mats, that's sad news.. I'm so sorry. I'm sure I couldn't get up there and say something, and get through it. how about reading a piece of poetry? or asking someone to do it on behalf of you and your sisters? here's a link with some suitable poems, or maybe there was something your mother particularly liked? I wish you all the best x

http://www.naturalendings.co.uk/funeral-poetry .asp

[cab]

So sorry to hear of your loss mats.
I never remember people saying things at the service other than the vicar, as I grew up, I think it must be a fairly recent thing, God bless you at this awful time.xxxx

[GetOverIt]

Sorry for your loss, Mats01_99.

When my mum died, I read out a version of the following.

From Ecclesiastes III

To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together; a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to get, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away;
A time to rend, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate; a time of war, and a time of peace.

It was hard at the time, but I'm glad now that I did it. Only you can make the choice of whether to speak or not.

[Tups]

It's actually a very therapeutic thing, sitting down and writing a eulogy for someone who was close to you. It helps you to have something on which to focus during that awful limbo time between death and funeral and believe me, you will feel proud for your mum, hearing her life's history, her likes, dislikes, funny things she did or said, read out to the gathered mourners. I would urge you to sit down and start writing something and ask as many people you can who knew her to contribute towards it. But don't even think about reading it out yourself. Either ask the minister to do it or a friend or family member who won't be as distraught as you.

[joannie10]

I am sorry for your loss. I have not seen family members doing readings at actual funerals but know my dad and aunt and uncle sat down with the minister before the funeral and told him some info about my grandparents so that the minister could incorporate personal info. If you are having a gathering afterwards you may like to say a few words of thanks to people for coming and in that you could include a little bit about your mum. I hope all goes ok for you.

[mats01_99]

All, thank you so much for all of the advice and the best wishes. I'm going to try to get some thoughts down and give them to the vicar so if I don't feel like i'll manage it then he can do it for me. Thanks again.