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Controlled crying - your thoughts?
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Hi all
We having been experiencing increasing difficulties with our 8 month olds sleep or lack of. I take full responsibility because we have always given in and brought him into our bed but we are finding that we are regressing. This is the night time routine:
Bath - 6.30
Breast - 7.30 - 9.00 (he falls asleep while feeding)
9.30 - wide awake, will only go to sleep on hubbys tummy. Transfer to cot.
1am - wakes crying, bring him into our bed. remains there until 7.30am.
I have created a plan from a decent book I've read but it involves controlled crying. I am ready to start but concerned that we will loose his trust or he will become so distressed we have to stop. I am well aware it will be VERY hard for atleast a week but things can't possibly carry on as they are. The only reason I let him fall asleep on the breast is because it is literally the only break I get.
We also have problems with napping. He will only sleep in bouncy chair or in bed with me. The bouncer isn't good as he doesn't get quality sleep. At his age he should be getting atleast 14 hours of sleep in 24. For 2 months now he's lucky if it's 9 out of 24!
We having been experiencing increasing difficulties with our 8 month olds sleep or lack of. I take full responsibility because we have always given in and brought him into our bed but we are finding that we are regressing. This is the night time routine:
Bath - 6.30
Breast - 7.30 - 9.00 (he falls asleep while feeding)
9.30 - wide awake, will only go to sleep on hubbys tummy. Transfer to cot.
1am - wakes crying, bring him into our bed. remains there until 7.30am.
I have created a plan from a decent book I've read but it involves controlled crying. I am ready to start but concerned that we will loose his trust or he will become so distressed we have to stop. I am well aware it will be VERY hard for atleast a week but things can't possibly carry on as they are. The only reason I let him fall asleep on the breast is because it is literally the only break I get.
We also have problems with napping. He will only sleep in bouncy chair or in bed with me. The bouncer isn't good as he doesn't get quality sleep. At his age he should be getting atleast 14 hours of sleep in 24. For 2 months now he's lucky if it's 9 out of 24!
Answers
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breastfeeding babies can have completely ifferet routines to formula fed. Is he wanting feed at 1am or just a cuddle?
there is a middle ground if you dontwant to try cotrolled crying. It would mea going in to his room and shusshing him if he cries and th leaving hi to settle. The next time he cries leave it a few seconds longer before goin in o him and doing same thing, ssh him and pat his back or rub his tummy.
Each time leave it longer until he works out that youre there if he really needs you but that he can cope with being awake withot you.
Id suggest trying to put him down bfore he falls asleep if you can, otherwise he will associate you with falling asleep.
Easier said than done though x
there is a middle ground if you dontwant to try cotrolled crying. It would mea going in to his room and shusshing him if he cries and th leaving hi to settle. The next time he cries leave it a few seconds longer before goin in o him and doing same thing, ssh him and pat his back or rub his tummy.
Each time leave it longer until he works out that youre there if he really needs you but that he can cope with being awake withot you.
Id suggest trying to put him down bfore he falls asleep if you can, otherwise he will associate you with falling asleep.
Easier said than done though x
Hi Red,
He only wants closeness when he wakes as he usually goes straight to sleep when in our bed.
We've tried the reassuring pats and shhhusshes but he gets angry with us.
This plan says, put them in the cot awake and say something you will repeat every night. Check in every 5 mins until sleep off. When he wakes in the night it says no speaking, just check ins
He only wants closeness when he wakes as he usually goes straight to sleep when in our bed.
We've tried the reassuring pats and shhhusshes but he gets angry with us.
This plan says, put them in the cot awake and say something you will repeat every night. Check in every 5 mins until sleep off. When he wakes in the night it says no speaking, just check ins
if you think you can manage to hold out then do it.
My grandad apparently used to tie my nan to the kitchen chair in the eves to stop her rushing into my aunt when she cried lol.
Controlled crying was the way years ago, I do it with baby CRX following a harsh lesson learnt with little CRX. He used to end up in my bed a lot or with Mr CRX sleeping at side of his cot on the floor. That went on til he was 2
My grandad apparently used to tie my nan to the kitchen chair in the eves to stop her rushing into my aunt when she cried lol.
Controlled crying was the way years ago, I do it with baby CRX following a harsh lesson learnt with little CRX. He used to end up in my bed a lot or with Mr CRX sleeping at side of his cot on the floor. That went on til he was 2
Hi Mountainboo
I do feel for you so much, we had a very hard time with baby Pickys sleep too (or lack of it). It all got a bit much when I went back to work (when he was 10 months old) I we just couldn't cope with the lack of sleep. I ended up phoning my health visitor and she went through controlled crying with us. We tried it with him that night and the first night he cried for 1 1/2 hours and it was the WORST night ever. She suggested we went in after 2 mins, then after 4, and increased it by 2 mons each time. He went from being upset to p1ssed off after about 15 mins. The 2nd night he cried for about 30 mins and every night after that he has slept from 7.30 til at least 7am (10 months now!). Anyway, it worked for us, so maybe a quick call to your health visitor might be a good idea for you too. I wish you lots of luck
Px
I do feel for you so much, we had a very hard time with baby Pickys sleep too (or lack of it). It all got a bit much when I went back to work (when he was 10 months old) I we just couldn't cope with the lack of sleep. I ended up phoning my health visitor and she went through controlled crying with us. We tried it with him that night and the first night he cried for 1 1/2 hours and it was the WORST night ever. She suggested we went in after 2 mins, then after 4, and increased it by 2 mons each time. He went from being upset to p1ssed off after about 15 mins. The 2nd night he cried for about 30 mins and every night after that he has slept from 7.30 til at least 7am (10 months now!). Anyway, it worked for us, so maybe a quick call to your health visitor might be a good idea for you too. I wish you lots of luck
Px
what i meant was, dont trying it. By all means stop each night if he is getting so worked up that hes making himself choke etc but dont give up at first attempt if you can.
Of course, hubbys hate it, they know it stresses us too. But think how good it could be if you did crack it. And is hubby prepared for a few years of having baby in bed with you etc.
I know someone who is still having her 3.5 year old in her bed every night (she works full time too) and has to get up and get him a drink 3 or 4 times a night AND change him as obviously all that fluid has to go somewhere.
its finding the right balance for everyone
Of course, hubbys hate it, they know it stresses us too. But think how good it could be if you did crack it. And is hubby prepared for a few years of having baby in bed with you etc.
I know someone who is still having her 3.5 year old in her bed every night (she works full time too) and has to get up and get him a drink 3 or 4 times a night AND change him as obviously all that fluid has to go somewhere.
its finding the right balance for everyone
I had to use controlled crying with my son when he was around a year old as he had gotten into the habit of only going to sleep if held and rocked,he was also a breastfed baby.
I started by placing him in his cot and sitting in the room with him,every time he stood up in the cot crying I gently laid him down and reassured him.I stayed in the room until he fell asleep.I did that for 2 nights and then repeated the performance but waited outside the room and entered to lie him down and reassure him but left the room afterwards.This went on for a few days and then he was fine.It was quite distressing to allow him to cry this way but it did work and it made our lives much easier.........his as well.
I started by placing him in his cot and sitting in the room with him,every time he stood up in the cot crying I gently laid him down and reassured him.I stayed in the room until he fell asleep.I did that for 2 nights and then repeated the performance but waited outside the room and entered to lie him down and reassure him but left the room afterwards.This went on for a few days and then he was fine.It was quite distressing to allow him to cry this way but it did work and it made our lives much easier.........his as well.
I know the last thing you want is for your little man to be distressed and it is awful, Baby Picky was exactly the same and it's a nightmare. If you make sure he's safe and not been sick or anything, the way we dealt with it was just to stay strong. If he wakes in the night, just start the process again. I'm sure he'll get it. I know it seems awful at the time, but bearing in mind not sleeping doesn't do him any good any more than you. Mr Picky hated it too, but now he is a true convert! I wish you the best of luck, stay strong and let us know how you get on
Px
Px
Hi mountainboo, I really feel for you. We have had terrible times with our son and (not) sleeping. I think the thing to remember is that you know your little fella better than anyone so can tell the difference between tantrummy crying and genuine distress. I've seen me get up with our fella 6 or 7 times some nights (he wasn't ill but genuinely uspet) and other nights saying 'go to sleep now Ben' in quite a stern voice and leaving him to cry a little while. It can get confusing being told different things by HV/other mums etc,personally I couldn't leave my boy to cry and cry but this may be why things took longer to improve. Best of luck x
We never took ours into our bed, but we did spend lots of evenings pretending to sleep next to the cot, breathing deeply and calmly and keeping a hand touching them through the bars until we were sure that they were asleep. we just kept a spare duvet in the baby's room. That way at least they get used to sleeping in and waking up in their own bed. Probably not as quick as the controlled crying, but a lot less traumatic - bad point is when you drop off yourself!!
I still do it now on the odd nights our 2 yr old wants to stay up.
It's so difficult but it has to be done.
I know it's even harder the younger the little one is because instincts tell us to run to our children when they're crying.
Our 5 month old is a very light sleeper so although he doesn't cry - in the sense of wanting to stay up, we still have to let him know we're there but don't take him out of his cot or talk to him unless there's something wrong.
With our daughter, the only way it works is to do the whole routine of bed but as soon as she's 'supposed' to go to sleep, it's lights out (blackout curtains have helped a great deal)and make sure she's comfortable etc. then no more talking. If she gets up I'll go over and lie her back down - again no talking.
The reality is - most nights it works but it's so difficult to do on an emotional level.
You just have to remember that as long as they're crying for attention and not because they're in pain or frightened, then it's ok to continue with controlled crying.
Have you tried dream feeding? Expressing is a great idea, at least you'll know how much he's taking to ensure he's not hungry. Also, instead of giving up on breast feeding, you could always give him a night feed of formua.
Napping - Could you pop him into the pram and go for a walk each day for a week or so at a specific time to encourage him to sleep? Then hopefully, after a week or two he'll have some sort of day time routine for sleeping.
- even if it means letting him sleep in the pram in the house for a while then move him to his cot.
Fingers crossed it'll all come together soon.
It's so difficult but it has to be done.
I know it's even harder the younger the little one is because instincts tell us to run to our children when they're crying.
Our 5 month old is a very light sleeper so although he doesn't cry - in the sense of wanting to stay up, we still have to let him know we're there but don't take him out of his cot or talk to him unless there's something wrong.
With our daughter, the only way it works is to do the whole routine of bed but as soon as she's 'supposed' to go to sleep, it's lights out (blackout curtains have helped a great deal)and make sure she's comfortable etc. then no more talking. If she gets up I'll go over and lie her back down - again no talking.
The reality is - most nights it works but it's so difficult to do on an emotional level.
You just have to remember that as long as they're crying for attention and not because they're in pain or frightened, then it's ok to continue with controlled crying.
Have you tried dream feeding? Expressing is a great idea, at least you'll know how much he's taking to ensure he's not hungry. Also, instead of giving up on breast feeding, you could always give him a night feed of formua.
Napping - Could you pop him into the pram and go for a walk each day for a week or so at a specific time to encourage him to sleep? Then hopefully, after a week or two he'll have some sort of day time routine for sleeping.
- even if it means letting him sleep in the pram in the house for a while then move him to his cot.
Fingers crossed it'll all come together soon.
Thanks for those replies. Mr mboo and I had a chat and he thinks the cc thing is unnessasary.I have tried explaining that it is important for mini mboo's sake aswell as ours but he thinks there are other ways to tackle it. We both disagree with eachother and this is something both parents need to be 100% about. I am going to try exchanging the bedtime feed for formula as atleast we'll get him to sleep earlier. I think mr mboo is ok with one of us being in the room and trying to settle him.
I thought as a breast feeding mum who hates bottle feeding I would tell you my idea.
I have 3 daughters 14, 9 and 3 and they were all different so I don't believe there is a right answer it is truly what works best for you and what you can cope with.
I can't do the CC I am too much off a wimp so what I did was gave her a late supper of porridge or something about 6.30, then had a bath about 7.30 and gave a feed after the bath in her room in a chair not in my bed, so that she knew that was where she was to fall asleep. Like you she always fell asleep on the breast but that late supper kept her asleep as she would only have a drink feed to get her off.
My rule then was if she woke before midnight we could offer her another drink or a cuddle but after midnight we could only cuddle and rock her back to sleep but no eye contact and no soothing voice and no milk drink and as days past it would be cuddle but no rocking and then just a soothing touch over the bars of her cot..
It didn't take long, I am sure but I honestly cannot remember as it wasn't stressful. The other thing I did make sure of was that four hours before I wasn't drinking loads of coffee or foods that wouldn't suit when transferrred to my milk 4 hours later at her bedtime.
Sometimes, when you stop feeling that this problem is all consuming it will just get better. My friend just went out in stead and left the baby with her mum to put to bed and get onto a bottle.
My husband felt jealous about the feeding and he enjoyed the bathtime routine he developed with our daughter and when I weaned the night time feed we replaced that with a beaker, not a bottle as you will have to loose that someday to and he does story time with both my two.
As for afternoon naps try cracking them in the car first and move back into the house when you have got the same time cracked each day, or do it out in the pram at the
I have 3 daughters 14, 9 and 3 and they were all different so I don't believe there is a right answer it is truly what works best for you and what you can cope with.
I can't do the CC I am too much off a wimp so what I did was gave her a late supper of porridge or something about 6.30, then had a bath about 7.30 and gave a feed after the bath in her room in a chair not in my bed, so that she knew that was where she was to fall asleep. Like you she always fell asleep on the breast but that late supper kept her asleep as she would only have a drink feed to get her off.
My rule then was if she woke before midnight we could offer her another drink or a cuddle but after midnight we could only cuddle and rock her back to sleep but no eye contact and no soothing voice and no milk drink and as days past it would be cuddle but no rocking and then just a soothing touch over the bars of her cot..
It didn't take long, I am sure but I honestly cannot remember as it wasn't stressful. The other thing I did make sure of was that four hours before I wasn't drinking loads of coffee or foods that wouldn't suit when transferrred to my milk 4 hours later at her bedtime.
Sometimes, when you stop feeling that this problem is all consuming it will just get better. My friend just went out in stead and left the baby with her mum to put to bed and get onto a bottle.
My husband felt jealous about the feeding and he enjoyed the bathtime routine he developed with our daughter and when I weaned the night time feed we replaced that with a beaker, not a bottle as you will have to loose that someday to and he does story time with both my two.
As for afternoon naps try cracking them in the car first and move back into the house when you have got the same time cracked each day, or do it out in the pram at the
Controlled Crying does not always work....we tried it with our second child and it was traumatic for us all and did not work to any degree. We let our son sleep in ourn bed and when he was ready he left...it tok a while but sleep is so important! Will used to cry until he was sick everywhere and no amount of persistence paid off - go with your instincts and do what is right for you and your baby. x
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