looking to what to do?

[mogwai4]

I have just found out that my daughter of 15 is pregnant to a man off 22, I knew that he was a freind and as i thought that being a responable parent that if i spoke to him and asked him what he was doing hanging around a girl off 15 he was very beleivable in saying that my daughter was a freind of everyone that he went around with i stated that i had trusted him and he said that he would look out for her, He done work for my family and we all trusted him I know that people will say that i was not responsable as a parent and that is something i will have to live with for the rest of my life as myself and her dad will e the ones who will be brining up the baby, I have only just found out that she is pregnant and is 5 months she with, no one not even him went for a termination but was frightened that we would find out i am asking anyone can they help regarding what and where i stand regarding the law he also gave her an std and this was her first sexual experince.

[bednobs]

dont understand why you will be bringing up a baby? Why can't she? She was a woman when she had sex, so she must be a woman now and face up to her resonsibilities. same for him - why wont he be looking after the baby he made? if neither of them can or want to look after a child, then why can't it be adopted? There are still plenty of options, and time to chose. What does your daughter want? this is the most important thing in my opinion. At 15, she wont be the first or last to have sex, and no matter what sort of parent you are it can happen (unless you lock her in a room i guess)
As regards the law, if she agreed to have sex, not much can be done (see ethels post above)
has she had the std for 5 months? that would be my biggest concern - does she have any others?

[Eve]

She won't be the first and she won't be the last.

I'm with bednobs, the main priory in this case is what your daughter wants.

Also remember it's not a life long decision she can necessarily make on the spot and, whether or not she keeps the baby, it's something which will have a bearing on the rest of her life. What she decides now may or may not change and that is just something which will have to be reacted to as and when.

It's impossible to say whether the man involved is worthy of any kind of punishment not knowing him or his history. He could be preying on young girls, he could be a potential father to a baby who will love and provide for the baby and possible your daughter as well.

I take it she is under medical care and has the appropriate screening and treatment?

[mogwai4]

because i think that she is far to young to have the responsability to bring up a baby and as far i am concerened he will not be in the babys life and as for adoption that is not an option, I love my daughter dearly and will stand by her whatever with in reason. In my opinion it is toatally wrong that the law supports the fact that a man can have sex with a minor even if they consent i can honestly say that my daughter is not what people would call a slapper she is a young girl that was taken in by an older man and for what ever the reason it should be timethat there is a deterrant in place to stop this men have a responsability and that is to know that a child is a child no matter what or who dissagrees.

[bednobs]

what you think and want dosent come into it as much as what she thinks and wants n my opinion. There is a reason she didnt have a termination - perhaps she wants to be a mum to the child, not a sister?
Personally i think 15 year olds are a very grey area, after all they could be 16 the next day and then its all nice and legal. they dont suddenly change overnight!

Anyway, please talk to your daughter, dont just make all the decisions for her, unless you want to become estranged from her and HER baby

[Eve]

I think it's so difficult to say without knowing the girl.

Hearing a former colleague announce her 16 year old sister was pregnant made me wonder how she'd cope.

I met her when the baby was only a few weeks old and she has a damn good head on her shoulders and looks like she will be a fantastic mum.

When it was announced the 15 year old was pregnant, having met her, I was scared for her, she is very much still a child. Apparantly though she'd doing ok now she'd had the baby.

Everyone is different. She would have to grow up, fast, but when faced with such a situation it's amazing what it can bring out in people.

The slapper tag is a misnomer anyway, most people with half a brain are more than aware it only takes once.

Could you take her to have a chat with someone who can give her support and advice whatever she decides.

I'm not taking anything away from you as a mum but she may find it easier to be open about her feelings with someone else without any fear of being an upset or disappointment.

[mogwai4]

I totally respect all the opinions i have been given and i have taken them on board you see i have a very close relationship with my daughter and i as a parent HAVE given and talked through all the options with her and no she did not, not have the termination for anyother reason but she was scared, i asked her if she had had me then with her would she have went through with it and very sadly she said yes, she is a very scared little girl and when i hear if you are adult enough to have sex then you are adult enough to bring up a baby (in most cases not) if that was the case then there would be less poor children up for adoption all i am asking is surely that there is got to be a law in stopping these men who think that this is ok and thy can keep sowing there seeds with every child that comes along, I as a parent think this is vey very wrong consent or not, They after all are grown men and know what they want ,surely this should be stopped?

[sara3]

1) spotted