problem grandson

[jacksgran]

I have a 17 year old grandson, who we had living with us due to his father and him falling out. When he moved in with us his parents decided to move into a two bedroom house, although they have a 5 year old boy and 15 year old girl, who now share a bedroom. My grandson did not
behave well, staying out without telling us etc..The final straw came when he stole a fitty euro note from our bedroom. My husband threw him out. He eventually went to his parents, sleeping on dining room floor on airbed, unti he stole 10 pounds from them. He weedled his way back with us, latest escapade being �255 phone bill for chat lines. My husband has again shown him the door. I am worrying myself sick about him. advice please

[Lil O'lady]

It is a very difficult situation and you need to get help / support from a variety of youth, drug abuse and community services groups to see what fits your family's requirements.In all likelihood the lad has got involved with drug abuse alongisde the rest.

[jacksgran]

thank you Lilo'lady. I will look into that. He has also got the sack from every job he has had.

[tillyh345]

My advice would be to have a family meeting to discuss whats happening - in my opinion it also sounds very much like he has got into drug addiction..if it is - it wont be easy and it isnt fair for you to deal with it on your own...it will not be easy!!!

Hope things get better ! but he has to be able to trust you to listen without condemning what he has got himself into..so try to stay calm..not easy I know..

Good Luck and let us know how u get on...

[lil75]

Sounds like he is needing money for something, but what I ask, I know that when people are addicts to something, they beg steal borrow and lie to get what there after...not just drug abusers but alcholics as well, I would have a talk with him and explain that you want to help him, but he has to start by helping himself....best of luck

[brenda]

What a sad situation , you must both be desparately unhappy grandparents, worried sick about the lad.

However this is not your boy, he has parents who don't seem to be helping at all.Why?

The boy is not your responsibility, and you need to be very careful that he does not destroy your lives by his behaviour, and the relationship you have between you as well.

Yes , explore what help there is available, and discuss with him and his parents if you can, that way you are helping.

The bottom line however is what are they going to do, and what is he willing to do to help himself.?

You have to be totally objective in this matter and as detached as possible, he is nearly an adult , and you need to recognise that you cannot save every soul on the planet, however hard this may be to accept.

Sometimes people are on a self destruct mission and there is little you can do about it.

So get the information , pass it on to him and his parents, and remember that your own lives are not a dress rehearsal,and that you don't get to go round twice unfortunately.

Sincere good luck , will think of you.
Be strong please for your own sakes.
Brenda.

[droopdrawers]

Hi Jacksgran.

Been there, done that...with much heartbreak over the last 3 years. Result out only child/son won't speak to us for helping his son out when the going got tough,.

I searched the internet,even joining junkie web sites to glean all the information I could before approaching the lad who was a bit stunned that I was many jumps ahead of him and knew what I was talking about.

Eventually we were paying drug dealers to save his skin,,,,all on the proviso this was a one off deal and an end to stealing,borrowing, never to return the cash to us etc etc.

He did make an effort to be reconciled with his parents but I am convinced he again borrowed money and never returned to pay it back as they are once again estranged.

He no longer lives with us and has a regular girlfriend so were hopeing he is on a road where he will keep himself straight,

I don't envy you the worry and would advise you to take your husbands lead and stop right now from getting yourselves any deeper into this worrying pit.

I just with with hindsight I had been less generous, We even sold our house and moved to a smaller property to make some extra cash after spending so much on the boy.

DD

[jacksgran]

thanks droopdrawers.
the boy has been back living with parents, but has now run up a �180 phone bill at his other grandmas, an elderly lady in sheltered accomodation. also taken money from his mothers purse. The problem believe is not drugs, but gambling. He is not working so he thinks that if he takes money etc he cant pay it back so he will get away with it.
He also owes numerous fines on our local metro system. and will end up in court for this soon. He is now homeless, and I am trying not to worry about him but its hard.