tennagers stealing from purse

[Liza B]

I have five children 17 year old girl, 14 year old twin boys and 12 year old twin boy and girl. I have had money missing from my purse which I keep in a combination lock cash box. I have no idea which one of them is taking it and I have ran out of ideas on what to do. I have grounded them all until the money is returned. Any other tips, I am so fed-up with this, my husband is away most of the time working so it is left to me.

[Scarlett]

What a horrible situation to be put in. All I can suggest is that you find somewhere else to keep your money for the moment. Could your husband come back and give them alla really strict talking to? If you really want to nip it in the bud, you could always call the police-- I'm not joking!! We do this at school if something goes missing. We say that unless it is returned then we have no option but to call in the Police, since stealing is against the law. The Policeman then comes in and gives them a stern talking to about stealing and the repercussions, and what it can lead to, and what can happen to you if you are caught etc. This usually does the trick, and the message goes on board.

You could also withhold treats until the money is returned. It is your housekeeping money, and therefore all treats that they usually take for granted can be stopped as you now can't afford to buy them. Things such as crisps, sweets, fizzy drinks, cakes. Just buy the "Value" brand, and live on nasty food for a week- and small portions! Maybe then they will see that stealing does have an actual effect.

[mr. piper]

I sympathise with you greatly LisaB, it is a dilemma, you cannot have theft, because although they are your dear ones, they are surely taking something without permission, and then one or all of them are lying about it. from my experience the major thing that needs to be preserved is communication, now i am certainly not a pushover with my kids, but causing too much of a rumpus is going to make them clam up and be  resentful towards your aurthority because they do not know how to handle their own guilt. only you will know what you kids reactions will be to your method of dealing with it, my only thought is that you let the matter take on less importance, not be forgotten, but i would cease all punishments and then try putting your purse somewhere in the house in the presence of all the kids, show them the money in it, how much there is and what it is for, how long it will need to last etc. then point out that it is obvious that all of them have access to the purse and if it is taken then the consequences will be money worries, lack of treats or essentials and that is something that will effect everyone day to day in addition to the feeling of betrayal or dissapointment it will engender in the parents and anyone innocent of it. Also try asking a couple of times a day out loud in front of the kids "has anyone taken any money yet?" in a non assertive way,don't wait too long for an answer and then get your purse and see with the kids witnessing. Teenagers have a strange psychy, i have tried this and it worked perfectly, also generally involving them in money matters helps, they don't like being kept in the dark, i cannot say what you should do if this is not your way but i was keen to tell you because of my success.

[woofgang]

It sounds to me, from the fact that you have to lock your purse away that this is not the first problem of this nature that you have had?

[butter1]

I think Scarlett's idea is very good.  I know if I was younger and my parents threatened to call the Police it would work on me!  Also the idea about giving them small value meals.... the thought of stealing money will soon not seem great.

[ursula62]

My sister had this problem with her kids.

She did the no treats trick. Every time they asked her for money for the cinema, or pocket money, she explained her money had been stolen so she had none to give. After a few weeks the message got through.

Once that message has sunk in, they need to learn how long it takes to earn that money - but that's another story!

Good luck!

[netibiza]

Take heart - although its awful it happens to a lot of decent parents -try to explain to your children how it affects you and them - how awful it is when trust has gone - also you could use that special dye which will colour the culprit's hand.(I expect that suggestion is not PC!!)

[Liza B]

Thank you for the replies. We already live on value meals and the kids don't get a lot of treats, the 14 year olds have paper rounds for extra money, yes it has happened before. They have already been in trouble with the police and have calmed down. They have been told that I have no money when it goes missing. At the moment they have clubed together and paid it back, not a solution but I got my money back, they have been told if it happens again I want double back. My husband has just bought a CCTV camera for the house, so we can find out who is doing it, I hope this will be the end of it.

[Gaynorvj]

You could try settin a trap.

Put that paint on some of the notes that stays on the hands for days.

Easy to see the culprit then.

[Shazza-suga]

ban everything from al of them eg computer , goin out , on the fone , eventually they will get soo fed up they will tell one and other 2 give in wen they do u can punishe them how u like but... if that dosnt work try sitting each one down seperatley and have a good old chat with them !! good luck    shaz x