Feeling like you don't fit in.

[ChocolatChip]

I've never really had many friends, even from a young age. I was bullied a lot, and although, I wouldn't consider myself shy. I can't seem to make close friends.
My last close friend was poisoned by a load of lies by my Ex-boyfriend and never spoke to me again.
I try really hard to make friends, I'm only 18, and go to college. So it doesn't seem like it would be hard. But the friends I have, I only speak to at college, but we don't associate outside of college, I've tried to invite people out, but no-ones bothered.
I feel really lonely, and although I have a wonderful fiance, it would be nice to have like, one close friend to have conversations and eat out with.
Maybe I'm being silly. But I'm so lonely!

[terambulan]

Don't worry ChocolatChip.....you've got all of us. Think of the variety of friends here and all age groups. Don't share us with ur 'anti-social' friends 'cause we want to hear your slant on the gossip;o)

[ChocolatChip]

Thanks terambulan. It's nice to know that there are people out there. But at the same time. I feel like, I'm 18- I should be out every night, drink in hand, dancing and gossiping with my 'friends'
Yet there are none.

[Postdog]

OK, firstly I am a lot older, but it isn't the quantity that matters, it's the quality. I have colleagues at work who are always out, who know a lot of people, but in my opinion have shallower lives than I do. I can see where you are coming from, but you don't HAVE to be out every night.

And close friends are like any other relationships - they just happen every now and then, so don't worry about it.

[ChocolatChip]

I don't really mean like every night. Just once would be nice! I think it's because I see people I used know, and they're out and having fun. I don't have anyone to do that with. I want to have a girlie chat over lunch or a day window shopping. Anything!

[Eve]

Could you join some clubs at college or locally, stuff you're interested in so you will meet like minded people and maybe get some friends to go out with from there?

[terambulan]

Socialising is a skill....this may be of help

http://www.ehow.com/how_2103659_be-center-atte ntion-parties.html

Wear something really trendy to attract attention. Change your hair/makeup anything that makes your friends comment to you. Once you have their attention ask lots of questions as people love to talk about themselves.

[ChocolatChip]

maybe, but I feel it'll be the same process all over again. Meet some nice enough people. Who assiociate with you at the club. But have enough friends and don't need me to go out with.

[ChocolatChip]

I do all that though. I'm always trying to talk to people but, it's just a there and then thing. No ones bothered after that. I always dress nice. Wear make up 100% of the time and hair my hair done. No ones bothered about me.

[bigmamma]

Hello choc , are you having problems again honey , have you been to your gp for a chat ? ((( hug ))) x

[Ice.Maiden]

Hi chocolatChip. Start by joining in with convos on here. That'll get you used to offering opinions, or making jokes, whatever. You probably just lack confidence in yourself hun, but a lot of people of your age feel as you do now.
I think one of the main things, is to be a good listener. Next, when folk at work mention going places - ask if you could tag along. Try taking up new hobbies - or even walking a dog can bring you into contact with other people. I'm sure it'll happen for you. Just be yourself, and try and join in with other people.

[selinamc]

i agree with jenna, join some clubs like a drama group or social club, sumthing u r interested in to meet pple who like the same things as you.

[Ice.Maiden]

Yes, that's a good idea, and also helps with the confidence thing as well. x

[CJ242]

Sweetie, I was you many years ago. You feel like no matter what you do, noone even notices you exist. I too had a close friend who believed the lies of someone else which destroyed our friendship. I was also viciously bullied all through high school. Don't let it get you down, you are still young and have the ability to take your life in any direction you want it to go. As someone said before, it isn't the quantity of friends you have but the quality of the friendship you get from the people who matter.
I am married now with two beautiful little girls and have a small circle of friends that I am very close to.
Don't try to force it and whatever you do, don't change who you are to please other people. Be yourself and eventually you will meet people who will love you for who you are.
Just talk to people and try to relax while doing it, the rest will happen naturally. xx

[ecocat]

Hey there, i wouldn't worry about it too much - some of us are just meant to be loners. You may even start to prefer your own company! My experience is similar to yours (even though i am now i'm in my early thirties) & i too wanted friends but after having a few bad ones i came to realise that the only true friend that mattered to me was my husband. Share your life with your fiance & you'll need no one else............

[saxy_jag]

I used to feel the same. Right from being a teenager, I never got invited to parties, sleepovers and nights out like everyone else did, although I never knew why. I was a little overweight and no Rembrandt, but then neither were the others.

It went on until just a few years ago. I joined a band and, whilst I have no real, bosom buddies that I socialise with, I have lots of casual friends. I have a number of similar friends at work. It seems that when you become absorbed in something and do it well, then people will want to be around you. Even so, the two crowds are so diverse I could never introduce one to the other.

As for a best friend - he's 8000 miles away. He's my cousin, two years my senior and I visited him three years ago after 26 years. As we talked over the beers on his back porch, he said he'd felt the same over friends - loads of casuals but no real soul-mate to speak of. In fact there were secrets that the two of us had only ever shared with each other, by letter. A joint realisation dawned that we were, in fact, each other's best friend. Just that being cousins, and of the opposite sex, the idea that we could also be best mates had never occurred to us.

They say you can choose your friends but not your family. But sometimes they can be one and the same.

[ChocolatChip]

Thanks for all your replies.
I think it's just difficult because of everyone I used to know, getting along, and seeming very happy with their company. And I guess 90% of the time I'm happy with just me and my fiance. He's the most amazing guy (he doesn't have any friends either) and I love him to pieces. But I just think it would be nice to have someone else to talk to as well.
I'm hopefully going to see my psychiatrist soon, and I will probably bring it up in one of our chats.
I will have a look at some classes or hobby things. I love art, so hopefully I'll find something relevant.

[ChocolatChip]

Thanks for your reply saxy_jag.
Unfortunately I have no particular family members (away from my immediate family) that I am close to, my parents distanced themselves away from other relatives, as they did not want to be involved with them.

[alishalexy]

I am quite shy, well improved over time. I would never approach anyone for friendship, never felt I had anything in common with anyone. Luckily what few friends I had approached me and latched on. However it all wears thin after a while. There are so many advantages of not having friends they can't lie to you, take or make a move on your fiance, jelous of you, always think they are right, use your shoulder every time they have a problem, bring there problems on your doorstep and lastly dump/forget you when you can't be bothered to do them continuous favours.
If you want friends approach individuals who also find it difficult to approach people. Shy, timid, reserved individuals. I am sure you made some friends on here already. Your not alone sweety you have your fiance!