Should I let him babysit again?

[WiseOldSage]

My step son (who is 16) came to babysit the other night for my 4 year old. When we came home it was the usual mess but that isn't the issue. We found out that he had been on porn sites on my work laptop, had tried to access the Sky porn channels (hubby left the PIN) but more worryingly my daughter said, So and so says he hates me and she had bruising on her arms ... actually do I really need anyone to answer having read that LOL Comment would be welcome though

[annie0000]

It is rare that a 16 year old boy not in everyday contact with young children would have the patience involved for babysitting. Your son has obviously been around your child on a daily basis and what you have seen of this daily inetaction has allowed you to make a judgement that he is a suitable babysitter.

On the other hand, your stepson doesn't live with you and you can't therefore make the same judgement.

I am sorry, but without the evidence gathered from watching that everyday interaction, I would never allow a teenage boy to babysit any young child. Think you seem to have come to the same conclusion!

[pinktwink]

i would be very concerned about his ability to care safely for your 4 year old.
You need to speak to your four year old to see what happens when her brother babysits without directing her.
You also need to clearly talk to his dad about your concerns and both of yee talk to your son about concerns for his behaviour.
A 16 year old boy attempting to access porn is not in itself unusual in teenage boys depending on the type of porn and his overall personality. Lets be realistic most teenage boys have accessed magazines etc. It is the bruising that is of concern and that needs to be followed up

[pink-kittens]

Im with pinktiwnk on this
Put the porn access to one side (although the boy should be made to pay for anything you are charged for) as this is all normal for a growing boy (experience of 3 step-sons)
More important is the bruising if it has come about as part of the boys 'hate'. Remember we all use the word hate very loosely and it may have been that your daughter was being annoying for him to say it

[lil75]

I wouldnt let him babysit anymore...FULL STOP! At the end of the day your out to protect your child as any mother would, and leaving your daughter with him whilst you go out is not an option, you will spend the whole evening worrying and rightly so....what worries me about this is where was your daughter when he was trying to access porn???

[jukie]

WOS - I have a daughter myself and although I have been offered in the past from teens to babysit I have constantly said no - as I would do nothing but worry the whole time I was out! Knowing what teens are like, I was more afraid of their mates being invited in to the house and them wrecking the place, but this really takes the biscuit!! Stepson or no Stepson, he would never be allowed to babysit my child. Telling your daughter he hates her is bad enough, but to harm her or even set down to watch porn when there would be a chance of the child walking in is not on. Please tell your husband about your laptop and get a security setting on it in order that it cannot be accessed. I wouldnt leave the stepson alone with your daughter again, until he can prove himself responsible and mature enough to help out in this way. Hope all goes well..
Regards

[WiseOldSage]

My daughter always announces she doesn't like something - I'm not even convinced hate really is in her understanding so I firmly believe someone said it to her as it's never been part of her vocabulary.

The laptop issue was brought up last night - hubby asked why all of the history had been cleared out and I said because of the porn I found from when his son was looking at it. He really said nothing (and believe me when he has got something to say he has got something to say!)

I'm all for giving people the benefit of the doubt and I think I was swayed because my husband is so keen for his kids to make amends for the way they have been in the past. I suppose I was lucky - if you can call it that - this time.

My 18 year old is a diamond and I know he will always help Mum out in a hole - he is sensitive enough to know when to step in and offer his services as chief babysitter if the predicament comes up again.

[pinktwink]

sorry wise but you also have an obligation to the 16year old. If he is looking up inappropriate porn say of children and has possibly hurt your 4 year old he may pose a risk to other children. The matter should be followed up by talking to your 4year old and his dad about your concerns. I work in child protection. Too often things go unsaid or undone and then when something happens ( and I am not suggesting it has ) people wonder why something was not done earlier.

It will be best to follow up the matter. Perhaps the 16 year old is jealous of the 4 years old and it may help him to talk about that which may improve overall family relationships for everyone

[earthchild]

I would not let that boy baby-sit again!