So Sterling is -unmentionable-d, and it would be unbearable buying Dollars or Euros when the rates are so low, so how do I go about buying actual, physical barrels of oil?
I'd get shares in Shell or something, but the oil companies all overstate their reserves, don't they? So I don't particularly trust them.
Do you actually intend to use the oil or are you merely interested in speculating on an upward movement in oil's price? If the latter don't mess with the physical commodity - go long futures contracts on oil.