How do I protect myself?

[up4it]

I have been in a relationship with a girl for about 8 months now and we have been through a lot together during that time. We are talking about living together however we are both in very different positions financially and what I want to know is how do I protect myself so that what I walked into the relationship with, I can walk away with if it all goes wrong?

My position :-
I own a house (approx �200k) with no mortgage
I have some savings (a few thousand)
I have a reasonably good income

Her position :-
She has 1 child
She is living on benefits
She has debits (a few thousand)
She has no assets

Our options:-
1) Renting my house out and getting a place together (either rent or buy)
2) Selling my house and upgrading i.e. me getting a mortgage
3) Us all living in my house

With all of these options I imagine she will lose most of her benefits and I will be paying to support her and her kid. Now whilst I dont have a major problem with that it would wipe out what I am now saving after paying off my mortgage. I also feel that should things go wrong she would be entitled to my assets that I have worked hard to get and pay off.

There is another option :-
4) Dump her like a rock and go out with a billionaire
- 2 drawbacks with this, I haven't found a billionaire and I kinda quite like my girlfriend

Any suggestions would be gratefully received

[sara3]

she will lose her benefits, except for the basic Child Benefits, assuming she is a Lone Parent on Income Support.

not sure about the rest of it, but I'm free if you're looking for a better catch ;o)

[kira000]

I would go with option 1 renting, at least for a while, to see if you actually do want to live together.. if you get a rental agreement with a 6 month break clause, if the worst comes to the worst, you are only tied to living there for 6 months. (i.e. you can give notice after 4 months, with 2 months notice).

If you go down option 2 route, you are commited to a mortgage of it doesnt work.
Also, with both options 2 and 3, if she is living in the property with you, that you own, especially with kid, she could in theory have a claim of having the right to live there, which would make it hard to get her out if you split up, even if she cant claim part ownership (hard for her to do without marriage).
Whereas if you split up and are renting, she can only live there as long as the rental contract lasts.

So, number 1 Is the way forward... at least until you are a bit more sure of each other.

[Schutzengel]

Your last sentence says it all. 'I kinda like my girlfriend'. Which is no good reason to contemplate any of your other options. 8 months is not very long to consider taking such drastic steps. So unless the time comes when you feel strongly enough about your girlfriend to want to make a long term commitment to her, i.e marriage or cohabit, your best bet would let things remain as they are at present, and continue just as boyfriend and girlfriend.

[dot.hawkes]

why risk your finacial future on a woman you quite like. She can stay at your place occasionally, if she stays too many nights she will have to lose her housing benefit, but if she is on JSA she can still keep that in her own right. If you live as a family and your income is taken into account you may still get Working tax credit and child tax credit anyway.
But if it is all about finance and practicalities i wouldn't mess her about, don't make her give up her home for you and then dump her if things don;t work out, she may never get her own place again.

[Ethel]

And don't forget about the effects on her child if you dump her a few months after getting together.

That's far more important than your money and your feelings.

[up4it]

Thanks for all your comments and here are a few clarifications:-

I have been staying at her place for some time now so we have tried the living together bit which is working and now she wants to take it a step further so is pushing me into a decision on what I am going to do with my property. We both appreciate that we cannot continue as we are as I guess I am staying there more than I should already and so her benefits should probably be reduced as a result of that

'I kinda like my girlfriend' - that was said in the same sentence as finding a billionaire so was kind of a joke - Yes I do *cough* love her and want to be with her

I am and have been very honest with her (even told her my feelings on all the above) and she still wants to take it further. My priority of people in this relationship is her son first and then her and then last of all me, I do not want to hurt anyone but at the sametime do not want to lose everything I have worked hard for to date

I dont want to dump her in a few months but also do not want to go out for just a few months and then she dumps me and then she could kick me out of my own home (I guess I would have to still pay for it) and she could be entitled to half the equity - �100k to her for putting up with me for a few months, not bad on her part but I would be up the creek without a paddle

What I am asking is if worst comes to the worst how can we both come out of it with exactly the same as we both went in with? If we live together is there anyway I can protect my assets should she decide to turn nasty and claim half?

I do not know the legalities behind all this and thats why I am asking and I think Kira has provided the best answer so far

I should have also asked what kind of time limits are there for living together and her claiming from me or is it dependant on getting married or not?

[up4it]

N.B. All I want is the equivalent of my house back afterwards. All earnings of mine while we are together I am happy to plow into the relationship and then we split all of that by half IF we split

Sara - I may take you up on your offer if it all goes pear shaped lol

[themas]

If they come & live in your house and do not make any financial contribution to it I think it would take a long time for her to build up any "beneficial interest" in the house. This assumes you do not marry.

If she has no beneficial interest then you could ask her to leave on reasonable notice at any time. She would then be unintentionally homeless & as she has a child the Council would have a duty to house her.

You should see a solicitor experienced in family law matters to get confirmation of the position.