I had to come on here and see how your Nan was, but am wondering if I've missed a later post? I'll go and look through them all again. I don't want to 'say' the wrong thing, but I was going to say that "go and see her if you want, but don't go if you'd rather remember her how she was". But, yes, you will feel guilty later, if you don't go. But you don't HAVE to feel guilty.
And, yes, there are good times and bad just now, highs and lows, and you will be wondering how you will ever get through it, but you will.
Thinking of you, Muzz x