Is it unfair to not invite children to our wedding?

[missy1981]

Am getting married next year in June... There are limited spaces for the ceremony and afternoon catering.... out of 50 guests, there are 12 children.. 6 of them are toddlers, the rest between the ages of 7-15... And they are all on my side.... due to this, my fiance has had to cut his guest list dramatically.. .. Not saying i dont want no children at all, but would it be unfair to maybe not invite the under 12's to the day???? but have no problem with them being there at the evening reception.... some feedback would be much appreciated.... thankyou xxx

[dot.hawkes]

IT is quite common I believe, i work in a store that has alot to do with wedding plans and many people choose to keep it adult only, and to be honest, a think an awful lot of parenbts would qwelcome the chance to go out as a couple and not be distracted or tied to looking after their children at a wedding

[sophie_1003]

it wouldn't be unfair at all, providing you tell the guests in the invitations and I think they will be more open about the idea if you say they're welcome to the evening do. Be prepared for people saying "Well I can't come because I can't leave the kids, blah blah blah" Ignore them, they will have plenty of time to arrange something!

[Diz]

No it wouldn't be unfair. I've recently got married and one thing I leant very quickly was that you cannot please everybody. We ended up telling most of the family they could come to the evening reception but the wedding was limited to just Parents, siblings and grandparents. It caused quite a few arguments but at the end of the day everybody had a great time and the arguments were forgotten. Remember its YOUR day as long as you and your fiance have what you want then don't worry about anybody else. Have a lovely day and I hope the planning goes well.

[joannie10]

definitely not unfair. As previously mentioned most parents will get to enjoy the wedding without worrying about looking after their children! It would be easiest not to invite any children at all - unless of course particularly close niece/nephew or whatever.
You rarely please everyone though remember!

[natalie_1982]

I got married three years ago and we said that it was adults only during the day (except for my bridesmaid), and children were invited in the evening.

There were plenty of grumbles from the in-laws (no children on my side), but I felt that if they didn't like it they didn't have to come! Selfishly as it may sound, it was my day and a) I couldn't afford to please everyone and b) I didn't want the meal and speeches to be, possibly, ruined by kids running round and chatter.

Hope you have a fabulous day whatever you decide to do! xx

[Velvetee]

I won't be having kids at my wedding in April, except for my Fiance's two nieces. I think children can spoil an event, especially if they are badly behaved. If you want them there, then the evening do will probably be better and save on the catering, which will probably go to waste on them anyway.

[wiggal]

Hi Missy,

My partners sister got married 2 years ago, and kids came to the ceremony. We sat near the back as he was an usher, and on the same row as us there were 2 kids who crieded, shouted, jumped up and down all through the ceremony and neither of the adults said or did anything! We were so close to asking them to leave, but didnt know who they were or anything, but because of it, their ceremony was ruined and so was their wedding video!

Afterwards, a few people said te same as us, they wanted to ask them to leave but didnt as they were unsure who they were, but turns out that they were distant members of the grooms family, and both bride and groom desperately wanted them out of the church!

[meltoadhall]

I had children at the evenng reception but because I got married on a Thursday the only children were the bridesmaids at the wedding itself

[upsydaisy]

Hi missy - as mum to a 2 year old I know what I'm talking about - toddlers and weddings just don't mix!! You are absolutely right not to invite them. As many here have said the parents will enjoy an opportunity to get dressed up n let their hair down. To be honest I wouldn't ask little ones to evening reception either (they'll be overtired/overexcited after about 8pm anyway). I expect many of the kids aged 7-15 would probably enjoy an opportunity to have a sleepover at a friends house rahter than go to a wedding too. Hope this helps xx have a wonderful day whatever you decide!

[oldmegan]

It's your day. The only fair thing is for you to have the day you want. Don't worry about wot anyone else thinks.

[MrsJ1]

Do what you want - it's your day and you should be able to make the rules. I' ve been married twice - had children to the first one and they were dire. They were over excited, ran up and down the aisle while we were taking our vows got sticky fingers all over my silk dress and my husband's suit. (I dont blame the children, I blame the parents!) There were no children at my second wedding. It was much more relaxed and the guests didn't have to worry about what their children were getting up to. At the end of the day, you should do what makes you happy.

[annie0000]

As has been said, whats fair is up to you to decide. However, for me a wedding is a family thing and an opportunity for everyone to get together and enjoy the day and kids are part of the family. Personally I couldn't care less is there were kids jumping about at the church and I actually didn't bother with a video at all, but that's me and I know for other people these things are important so you need to do what you want and I know that cost is a concern - have you enquired whether you would get them at a reduced cost, or even if they do toddlers for free?

When my neice got married, she didn't invite any kids as she didn't want it to spoil the day - I was disapointed that my son wasn't invited, but chose to go to the day and not the evening as he was only a year old and I had to leave him with friends (all my family being at the wedding and my husbands being too far away or too elderly to look after him). However, her fiances cousin didn't read the invitation properly and was allowed to bring his kids which I thought was unfair. My niece after having her own kids was furious when they weren't invited to her aunt's 2nd wedding!!! She didn't seem to see the irony.

Anyway, I thought it an opportunity lost to have a family day. How are kids expected to know how to behave at these occaisons if they never get to go?

[Bettyboo22]

Don't worry , if you invite them to the reception all should be well. If there was going to be toddlers at the cerermony there is always the risk of them starting crying at the " I Do's " . The kids under 12 might not appriciate the day so it would be better not to invite them .

[sophie_1003]

annie, realise you meant your husbands family were too far away or too elderly but only after reading it twice, read it as you had lots of far away and elderly ex-husbands to start with! gave me a giggle!

[annie0000]

Hee Hee sophie - shows you how important an apostrophe is!!!