Not sure what to do

[lil123]

Everytime I go out with my boyfriend he just stands there and expects me to pay.
I am not well off, I'm a single parent with a reasonably paid job.
It's getting to the point where I can't afford to do this anymore and was so annoyed at the weekend as I spent way too much with having to pay for him.
I was going to end it with him after this weekend but he was saying how much he loves me and stuff and I'm not sure what I should do for the best.
I have tried to bring the subject up and have told him I don't have a lot of money. But he just seems to carry on doing it.
Every boyfriend I've had has done exactly the same with me just expected me to pay for them and come to my house not contributing to anything.
I recognize I need to change what I am doing and the type of man I'm attracting.
Please help!!

[888sally888]

Hi Lil

By posting on here, you know things arent right and I am sure all the posts that follow mine will agree. He should at least pay his way - its very wrong especially as you have discussed how you feel with him. Its 100% not right.

In these sort of situations I always think 'would a good freind treat me like this?' and often the answer is 'no'. So dont let a supposidely loving bf treat you this way.

You deserve better x

[Billy-Hunt]

he might love you, he might not but he sure loves the easy life . Stop paying, tell him you have no money and it's his turn to start paying.............. see if he sticks around .

[danchip]

just be honest and tell him he needs to start paying or when he suggests you go omewhere or do something say you cant because you dont have the money and then suggest he pays

It might take a while and a lot of time spent not going out but he may either start paying or go and find himself a new meal ticket either way it'll be sorted

[Billy-Hunt]

that's what i said ^


miss, miss she's copying.

[carmalee]

You have to be more assertive - what may get the message home is each time he suggests going out just say 'sorry, can't afford it'- you mentioned you wanted to finish it, that was your assessment of the relationship and one you should pay more attention to instead of being swayed by what he wants. To me this sounds like a very one-sided relationship and these just don't work. You are dissatisfied and quite rightly so, a previous post said you deserved better and I agree. Any spare money you may have should be for you and your child not an adult presumeably capable of earning his living instead of spongeing off someone with responsibilities.I'm really not surprised he doesn't want to end the relationship - he's got it made. Good luck.

[pastafreak]

I am worried that he is saying he loves you because he sees it as a fair 'price' to pay for his meal ticket. He knows what will sway you-and so far it seems to be working. In a fair and equal relationship there would be no question of who pays what. He would be sympathetic to your needs and concerns..as it stands-he isn't. Time for a re-think on your part.

[sandmaster]

He sounds like a freeloader to me. Sorry, but I would dump him. If he cannot spoil you in the early days how will he treat you later?

[zzxxee]

hello you have a child you should be spending your hard earned cash on you dont need another baby??? he is in effect taking the food out of your childs mouth, if he hasnt changed after you have explained how you feel to him you have to get rid.....He may love you but he loves your money more you owe it to your child to have some decent in your life who treats you and them with a bit of respect do it babe dump him before your debts get out of control

[Velvetee]

So even on Valentines day, he expected you to pay for everything? And you say every other boyfriend has behaved in the same way.

There seems to be a definite pattern here, of where, for some reason you are attracting freeloaders. Is it perhaps because you are grateful to have a man and will settle for anything that comes along?

I would get shot of this loser and take the time to consider where I'm going wrong and what I actually want from a relationship. Perhaps you need to be more discerning and have the confidence to be alone rather than with a man who will take advantage of you.

[danchip]

when you start a new relationship pretend you dont have much money, the reason for them being with you will soon become clear

[lil75]

I have been in the same boat.....you find yourself robbing peter to pay paul....NOT GOOD!!!! I know its awkward but you really need to tell him! Dont cook him meals, or find yourself in the shops buying extra for him, at the end of the day, you could be providing MORE for your child/children with that extra bit you are forking out on him, and the kids come 1st as im sure you will agree....

Tell him you cant afford to go out as much, and that you cant keep providng a free ride for him as you are struggling....he probably doesnt realise, as didnt my fella, and the reason for this was my stupid pride, didnt want him to know how skint I was, in the end I ended up resenting him and it all come out in not a very nice way....but he got the jist though...we dont go out as much, and he pays his way now around the house....good luck, and drop the pride and be honest with him x

[brenda]

Agree with sandmaster----dump him , he's a tight-fisted moron.

To have someone like you who is hard working and loving , he wants his head looked at.

Just a thought here , he's not keeping another home and family somewhere is he?

[lil123]

Thank you everyone for your advise.
I have decided to end it as my money needs to be spent on my son.
I can live without a man until I meet a decent man

[Velvetee]

Good for you Lil. I hope you eventually meet someone kind, generous and caring. Best of luck.

[brenda]

You have made a very brave decision ,and at first it will be hard for you.
I am certain that you will meet a decent man in the future who will respect you and your son.

All the very best to you bothx

[pastafreak]

Well done hun....your 'little man' can come first now.

[carmalee]

Good for you - the future can only get better now - such a brave girl and a Mum for you son to be really proud of. Go well.

[sandmaster]

Well done. Yes - it will be hard - but you will meet someone else. Just start off on the right foot - when it comes to pay hesitate and wait for the man to offer first. If you feel uncomfortable with this on the first dates you can offer to go 'Dutch' AFTER he has offered. But I would let the man pay. There are still some decent men out there. I was always reluctant to let my dates pay - even if they earned as much (or more) than me. But times change I suppose.....