I still miss him

[tamirra]

Hi, my son moved out last November to live with his girlfriend, he was 18, an all i kept hoping for is that the relationship wouldn`t work and he would want to come home, i still miss him so much, they are due to have a baby in 4 weeks time and i now know he will never be coming home again which makes me feel even worse, i have even had to put a strong air freshener in his old room to hide the smell of him, cos i kept just going in there to smell him, i also have a 21 year old daughter who moved out a few months after as she wanted a place for herself and her baby daugher, i dont miss her half as much as him as she bought a lot of trouble to my door, why do i still feel this way, and should i? Thanks.

[Velvetee]

Well Tamirra he's your baby, so naturally you will miss him, especially if you found him to be a lovely son. You've been a mother for a good part of your life and it's become who you are, to an extent.

I don't know your situation, but to take your mind off things, keep busy, perhaps take up a few evening or dance classes, meet other people, start doing things you enjoy and put yourself first.

The one consolation is, you will soon have Granchild, who you will be able to bond with.

[tamirra]

Thanks Velvetee for your kind words. x

[pinktwink]

yes sure you will miss him but part of being a mother and part of loving someone is letting them go to live their own life. Be happy for him otherwise it will be difficult for you if you disprove of his relationship.

To be honest I think it is selfish that you didn't want his relationship to work out especially since there is a baby involved. Why don't you want him to be happy and grow up??? You may not like his partner but it is his choice and you should be glad he found someone HE is happy with.

Try taking up a hobby or volunteer work to distract yourself.

[puddicat]

pinktwink as usual no substance to your answer!!

[ummmm]

And yours is really full of it puddicat.....!!!!!!!!!!!!

[tamirra]

I do like his partner now and i dont want them to split up, also she wasn`t pregnant when i was wishing the relationship to end, i wouldn`t want this now, but it dosn`t stop me missing him.

[cazzrob]

do you want to borrow my 19 year old son for a bit? he's lovely although does need guidance in finding the sink after eating his/my food!!!

[zzxxee]

how awful to favour one of your children over the other it does not matter what trouble kids bring to you you should never have favorites

[tamirra]

I love them both dearly, but when you have had the police knocking at your door on several occasions from the age of 13, when she went off the rails, and she did just that, she has been on drugs, started sleeping about at the age of 13, and got into trouble numerous times which the police got involved, also driving other peoples cars without insurance or driving licence, why would i want that all again, and i bought both my kids up exactly the same.

[Velvetee]

I can understand how your relationship is slightly different with your son, than it is with your daughter.

Having caused you so much heartache, it's only natural you would bear some resentment towards her, but I doubt you love her any less, you probably didn't like her or what she was doing when she was going through this rebellious stage.

We're all human and have a right to our feelings and emotions, being a parent doesn't change that.

[puddicat]

hi tamirra,never had a son and a daughter,just 2 boys,my oldest has never ever given me any grief,in fact i kept saying go out and do some mischief lol,but my youngest omg, i was invited to the staff party at the police station i was there that often,maybe its a son thing,they are closer to there mothers cos we spoil them lol!!!!

[123everton]

I've been out and I'm a little bit drunk so forgive me if I sound blunt.
A mother should never stand in a mans way, the very fact he has a child and the very fact he's standing by his family is cause to feel immense pride in a job well done.
You will see them often enough now they've given you a grandchild.

[puddicat]

never stand in my sons way,he makes his own decisions and mistakes,at least i know he loves me,thats enough for me!!!

[madmaggot]

tamirr, just be glad your son is alive and well and living his life. My son died aged 11; 18 years ago, he never had the chance to do these things and I have had no choice but to carry on without him.

[puddicat]

oh mad getting teary!!!

[123everton]

MM my heartfelt codolences for your loss, you never forget a child.

[terambulan]

NO...you should not feel that way! Be happy for him and support the relationship. Cut the apron strings and let him fly, he will appreciate you more.

Do not drive wedges into your children's relationships.

[debbie123]

you favour your son it shows well to me it does,so i wonder if she knew that and thats why she was or is the way she is,

[tamirra]

Hi again, i feel a lot happier in my self now, of course i still miss him i always will, but he seems happy with his life and new baby, which makes me feel better,my daughter has found herself a new man so she has changed a lot too, well he seems to have bought te good out of her which we never really saw, thank you for all your views on my post. xx