etiquette

[bubbles4920]

we have asked a friend of ours over for lunch, he will assume hes going to be the only one. ive invited another couple he knows and another male friend too. should i have told him who else i have invited? i once asked him over saying another couple was also attending, he cried off saying he was ill, maybe he was?? when he arrives, he will obviously find out, is it the done thing to tell someone who else will be there, after all it is me doing the cooking. the guy is not shy by the way whatsoever but does like to know what plans are.

[theonlyone]

It's your home and he is invited , if he doesn't
like the other people being there he can go
home ..I have people in for a meal and they
are all friends but I never say who is going to
be there as it's a suprise ...so my answer is
he can like it or lump it !!

[sara3]

why would you not tell him?

[bubbles4920]

i wouldnt tell him in case he cried off ill again, it may have been genuine before but who knows. he has been round lots of times, likes his food so i suspected he didnt want to be with other people too.

[sara3]

so why would you put him in such an awkward position? maybe he doesn't like the other people. can't you entertain them separately? or do you want to see him squirm?

[obNOXious]

Gotta say I'm with Sara on this, it's not very 'friendly' to manipulate people into a position you want them to be in and which they obviously find uncomfortable. If you told him, you give him the choice, if you don't then you have in effect backed him into a corner where he'll have to be pleasant but not enjoy himself, and if you do that he's unlikely to ever come to your place again when invited in case you do the same thing again, so you'll have shot yourself in the foot.

[yogasun]

I too would always tell someone I've invited to a meal who else was going to be there. I always put myself in their position and know that I would prefer to know who else would be there.
Just my opinion.

[bubbles4920]

he knows all the people i am inviting in particular the couple who he always gets on so well with. i dont see it as manipulative, thats your opinion of course. i just dont see why i should have to be answerable to people particularly when im the host. as you say if he doesnt like it then he wont come again, thats his decision, some folk are just funny beggars.

[Oneeyedvic]

but then why are you asking the question that you have asked?

I'm afraid I agree with the above answers - I always tell my guests who else is coming.

To give you an example, i get on very well with a business colleague - however my wife detests the woman.

If you invited me and my wife round, both I and my wife would not have a nice time. We would of course be very polite etc, however it would not be nice for us.

If you had told me that she was also invited, I would have politely come up with an excuse and not attended - and no one would be upset.

You are attempting to 'force' people on each other - which may have dire consequences.

[lorri24601]

It would never occur to me NOT to tell people who else would be there,not only would you be putting him in an akward position of trying not to look surprised when he saw the other guests,how are they going to feel if it is very apparent he did not know they would be there,how would they feel when you have to explain to them its because if he knew they would be there he would not of come ??? i think you are running the real risk of upsetting not just him,but your other guests too.