Elderly mother treated badly

[Velvetee]

My elderly mother is frail and rather frail She has regular out patient appointments and needs to use the patient ambulance service.

Today they came to collect her for an appointment, came into her bungalow and promptly left, telling her it stank in there. Admittedly, it isn't very fresh, as she has been quite incontinent recently and her carpet is in need of a steam clean.

Regardless of this, the whole point of this ambulance service, is to ferry the old, infirm and disabled to their hospital appointments. I would have expected these ambulance operatives are used to this kind of thing and worse.

My mother was very upset and eventually they sent another crew to collect her, an hour later, making her over an hour late for her appointment. I think she has been treated appallingling, would anyone else agree?

[Ice.Maiden]

This is a dreadful situation for the poor woman to be in. Perhaps her lack of interest in her own hygiene's because she's become acclimatised to her condition and doesn't realise the effect it's having. Did you say you're trying to get her into a care home? It might be best all round, although I know from relatives who've had to go that it's a terrible decision to make.

[Velvetee]

Oh I've tried it all Welsh. Mother refuses to go to a daycare centre, I've organised days at two different ones. The first one she didn't like as there were "too many old people" there for her liking and she went once to the second one, but made excuses not to go back. My previous post states what my sister is like, so no point there.

[tamborine]

Is it out of ur range to pay for a cleaner to visit her once a week?

[Velvetee]

Trying to get her into Extra care accommodation Ice, as she won't go into a care home. Extra care consists of their own living accommodation, with kitchen and bathroom, but there would be carers on call 24 hours per day. Her care manager is looking into it, but it has to go before a panel, to decide her suitability.

Because she is used to living in her environment, she doesn't notice the smell at all. It's a bit like my partner's mother, who lives with 2 dogs, her home smells, but she doesn't notice. I guess people just get used to it.

[Velvetee]

Tamborine, her care package includes cleaning and when I visit, I clean too. Vacuuming cannot remove the smell of urine from carpets or soft furnishings though. As I mentioned, I'm arranging a steam cleaning company, but the smell will just return, as she will continue to wet everywhere.

[welshlibranr]

Oh Velvetee! I do feel for you! when this situation arises, it's so very hard to cope! I have worked with so many lovely ladies like your mum, they are in denial, and it's so hard, because they refuse to accept their problems, I think you do need to speak again to Social Services, and maybe they can give her more help, but at the end of the day, she will live the way she chooses, until she no longer is given that choice, at which time the decision will have to be made for her, and residential care will be the only answer, but you may well find that, after a week or two, she'lll be quite happy. She probably has a vision of this care which is totally unfounded, as many elderly folk do, sadly. Hope it works out for you all......................welsh

[shaking]

Velvetee, you must complain immediately. Our elderly loved ones are treated with disdain. I recently had to have my mother admitted to hospital where her treatment was appalling. I have made a complaint to the health authority who are obliged to investigate. Your mum deserves better, unfortunately my mum has passed away, they can't fight their battles but we can and I will persue my complaint until I get answers or heads roll. You have my deepest sympahty, I have been to hell and back with the loss of my mother, you will never get a better friend. COMPLAIN IMMDEDIATELY.

[Velvetee]

Thanks Welsh and Shaking, sorry your mother was treated so badly in her final days, I know it would be heartbreaking. I also intend to pursue my complaint with the Buckinghamshire Ambulance Service. What those guys did was completely insensitive and moronic.

[Ice.Maiden]

Ah, thanks velvetee, I see what you mean now. It's similar to sheltered accomodation isn't it, whereby they have their own independence but have someone call in on them when necessary? Well it's a good idea, unless youre mum can't do anything for herself at all.
Personally, I'd forget about those Day Care centres. They're not everybody's cup of tea. You'd never have got one of my grandmother's in one, but she's now tucked comfortably into a nursing home, where she's cared for with respect and kindness.

[tamborine]

Unfortunately it's only when the aged collapse that they are admitted into care homes and at huge expense on their assets. Dont complain of ambulance crew etc as your mum will be run into hospital by NHS, drugged then moved into care home.....with or without her own volition.

[welshlibranr]

You're right, they're behaviour was totally unacceptable, and you should complain very loudly, but take care of yourself, and try to get more help for your mum, you can't do it all alone, believe me, I know!.....................welsh

[Ice.Maiden]

No, Teram, that's not true. My elderly grandmother went into a care home at first, because arthritis made her unable to get around very easily and be self-reliant, but she later started to get water infections and showed signs of bewilderment until she had antibiotics to make her better. That's when she went into a nursing home, because by then, her legs'd got worse and her infection attacks were becoming more frequent.
No WAY will Velvetee's mother be drugged and taken into a home without her consent!!?? The ambulance crew need reporting first thing tomorrow morning.

[tamborine]

My aged aunt fainted at home, admitted into hospital - on all sorts of pills leaving her confused (drugged) and admitted into a care home. The care home enforced the pills (drugs) and she died within 3months at 84.

[welshlibranr]

I agree with Ice.maiden, no way will your Mum be drugged and taken to a care home without her consent, she has free will,even if her decision isn't the best one for her! even if she's not capable of making this decision for herself, the decision to send her to residential care would never be taken lightly, and it would always be as a last resort...............welsh

[Nannyjillx2]

Velvetee you do need to complain even doctors wont come in and make comemtns like that. What gives anyone the right? Thankfully the majority of the drivers are kind and caring.

[mrs.chappie]

Hi V.

Sorry I can't offer any advice other than what has already been said, but I just want to say how sad I feel for you at this very difficult time.

It must be absolutely awful. Very distressing for your mum, and very distressing for you too.

Please try to take things easy lass, I am thinking about that wee baby you are baking in your belly too. xx

[Ice.Maiden]

Sorry to hear that teram. I can only think that the medication your aunt was given in hospital was sent along to be continued once she was sent out. Hospital social workers usually keep an eye on patients who've become confused, etc., but only with relatives consent, or that of the patient, will they try and find a home for that person if they're deemed incapable of looking after themselves afterwards.
If the prescribed medication was affecting your aunt adversely, then a relative should've notified her GP who would've tried other tablets, but since I don't know if your aunt had any particular illness, I can't speak for individual cases.

[tamborine]

Ice. Aunt was very independant but her only son (****) got restless for her home and raised no objections to her treatment.

In V's case she lives far from her mum and though her mum wont be drugged into admittance at hospital, she could be once a patient.

[annie0000]

My husband actually works on the patient transfer service and would never have treated your mother in that way, he would have taken her to her appointment and had a discreet word with the hospital indicating that she may need changed. He spends a lot of time cleaning out his ambulance when patients have had accidents. He has requested when taking patients from hospital that they be changed before he takes them home, not to keep the ambulance clean, but more to ensure that if they live alone, they are not left in wet clothing. I think that most of his collegues are the same, but you always get some morons who think that they are more important than they really are. You should definitely complain.